Step mum title ?

[skull2skull]

My youngest step son ( 6 ) has wanted to call me mum since I moved in 1.5 years ago. We are not married nor have any plans to be..
There mum passed away when he was only 4..
We said no in the beginning as we thought it was disrespectful to his late mum, it was also her dying wish that the kids do not call anybody else mum..
How do we go about this as his dad now has said he can call me step mum as its obviouslyn ot a phase but it seems to long winded and weired 🤣
What other word/s can be used instead of calling out step mum etc
there are 4 children in total 2 boys age 6 and 8 and 2 girls 12 and 14.. the eldest girl is fine with the step mum label but not the middle 2 ...any advice would be amazing 😊 thank you in advance 😊

Tricky one, but clearly the little boy desperately needs and wants to have someone he can call mum. Despite his mum's dying wish, I think the living son needs to be respected in his desire to call you mum.
You will never replace his mother but he's also very young and you are his mother figure. That needs to be respected and celebrated. The security that you are helping bring him can not be underestimated.

No advice but just shocked at how quickly you moved into those poor poor children's home, just 6 months after their mum died 😪 no wonder there is confusion for the youngest😪

Poor little chap!
if you think you’re going to be around, why can’t you be Mum - or some v close derivation?
my DD calls her stepdad Daddy - it’s what she wanted / needed

It depends on how devoted you are to him. Would you continue a relationship with him if you split with his Dad? If you’re really just Dads girlfriend then I’d push back quite hard on any title at all besides your name.

Maybe mum in a different language or a nickname thats personal to you.

Why are there ‘no plans to marry’ ? Marriage signals permanent presence in their lives.. I wouldn’t be wanting to call anyone ’mum’ If Dad hasn’t had the respect to call you his wife .. it starts with him ! Until that point you you have no status except dad’s girlfriend. You are NOT a stepmother… you are dads other non legal other half

He's 6, his mum died two years ago when he was 4, and you move in 1.5 years ago. That seems exceptionally fast to me, so no wonder everything is feeling mixed-up to the poor kid. So many changes in such a short space of time. If her dieing wish was that the kids not call anyone else mum, then they absolutely should not be calling you that. I'd stick to them just calling you by your name.

I think the most helpful thing would be for the kids dad to remind the 6yo that he has a mum, who loved him very much every day of her life. He might be struggling to remember much of his time with her, so having the opportunity to talk about her and keep his memories alive will do more good then his misguided attempt to recreate the feeling by slotting you into the mum role.

I presume mum and dad were actually seperated at the time of her passing, and not like others have suggested where you moved in within 6 months of mum passing and starting to date.

Honestly I think 1.5 / 2 years just isn't long enough to be in a 6yr olds life and be called mum or stepmum. I'd ask him to come up with a supercool special nickname?

Not here to judge on timings

mama
mama skull (obviously insert your name assuming your name isn’t skull)
ma
mimi (I like this as Im adopted when I was 7 and called my adoptive mother ‘mimi) she wasn’t replacing my mum but she was my mum if you understand what I’m saying.

Yes I also presume the mum and dad were separated at the time of her passing, but it’s still far too soon for the father to move in (or with) another woman when his youngest was only 4. It does suggest ‘replacement mum’ even if that wasn’t the intention.

And it’s interesting that it was the mother’s “dying wish” that her children call another woman ‘mum’ - it suggests she may have predicted what happened.

OP, I don’t think your husband’s judgment sounds particularly solid or in the best interests of his children, so I’d definitely hold off agreeing to the term mum until you’d been together a lot longer and the children have had more time to grieve.

Sorry, I used the term ‘husband’ - meant to use ‘partner’ as you haven’t said whether you’re married.

She says she's not and no plans in the first sentence

Thanks, I missed it, too busy multi-tasking!

My grandson lost his mum when he was 8. He called her mummy but calls his stepmum ‘mum’. He just wanted to be the same as his friends and call someone mum. I would let him call you mum as it is a term of endearment.

The needs of the little boy should come first.
If you intend to be a permanent fixture in his life then what he wants wins hands down.

Another version of mum, different to what he called his later mother.
If she was Mum, you could be mummy, mommy, momma etc.
Poor little fellow, its very traumatic to lose a parent.