How nice for you

[Butterfly1728]

Must be lovely to pay minimal rent at home, afford takeaways daily and no chores when you’re 30! How lovely.

I would. I'd also be questioning my own parenting skills if I'd raised a 30 year old that had no desire to stand on their own 2 feet.

To me, it’s more a question of whether they’re “adulting” in general. If a 30-year-old is living at home and not helping out with household chores, not contributing to utility bills, and spending all their money on holidays and takeaways, they’re not acting like an adult, which would worry me.

The last thing I’d want is a middle-aged child having no idea how to budget or a house, because parents aren’t around forever to do it for them.

But my post was about the adult children rather than the adults, that young adults are independent, supported to fly the nest, to branch out and rent/house share/move to a cheaper area, whatever is needed for them to move to the next stage of their adult life.

Gain their independence, learn to manage life.

It seems like OP really dislikes her stepchildren, which makes me wonder about the reasons why she married her husband and had children with him.

My three younger siblings, all in their late 20s to early 30s, live at home with our parents. They have well-paying remote or hybrid jobs and don’t pay rent, instead covering what they choose and pitching in for household bills and taxes when needed. Since it’s a farm, they also help out with casual farm work. They each have active social lives and seem to be doing well, making choices that work for them right now.

It's tough for young people at the moment and I'll be happy for my DC to live with me for a few years in their 20s, but tbh I hope they'll have moved out by 30 (and would hope the same for a hypothetical step child).

I moved out of my family home at 18 and have never been back since as my mums new boyfriend made it vast clear he didn’t want me there. I feel sorry for your step child if you don’t like it move out.

@ThisTicklishFatball Obviously it’s your parent’s decision, but I’d be rather embarrassed to let my parents in their 50’s /60’s (I’m guessing their age range) to be working hard to provide food and housing for me in my late 20’s/30’s while I contribute to the bills “covering what I choose.”

I’m saying this as I know that running a profitable farm is extremely hard work - I hope that your siblings at least cook for your parents, do washing, etc.

My cousin did this, he’s now in his 50s, his parents are in their 80s. He still lives with them in his childhood bedroom and gets his tea cooked and his washing done. Unless there’s special needs or something, it is weird.
My aunt is very unhappy about the situation but feels it’s too late to do anything now and my uncle doesn’t seem to care. (Probably because he’s not the one cooking and washing for three people )

Yeah I don’t get the whole “I’m happy for my adult child to not act like an adult, and I will keep them for as long as they wish”.

Fact is, it may be harder for young people to get started in the world than it was a generation ago. But it is not impossible, and if your kids are telling you that it is, then you’re being taken for a mug.

Obviously for OP, none of this is particularly relevant as they are step children not her own children, and their parent gets to choose how he parents and is ultimately likely to pick them over her. But she knows that.

The joys of getting involved with someone who already has children is their children could be living with you until you die, hence you need to choose wisely.

My ds 25 still home.. saving for a deposit so why wouldn’t I facilitate that if I can? Once he’s gone he’s gone, so I count myself lucky to have him for the moment. Would I feel exactly the same about dss? No as he’s not my child.

Awk come on a 30yr old still living at home. Unless there’s a good reason I would not be happy with this bio or step child.
My 29yr old dss is staying with us atm, but that’s short term and will be short term! My 24yr old has moved out and my 19yr old partially (school).
My children will always have a place if they need it but unless they are saving to buy or some reasonable short term reason then I don’t want them living with me at 30. For their sake, not mine.
24 and certainly 30yr olds are full blown adults and should be acting as such. It’s doesn’t seem like op’s step children are.

@Namerequired DH and I were talking about this phenomenon recently. We’re early 50’s and were considered adults by our early 20’s, but at some point, social attitudes changed and now it seems to be later.

We were discussing it in the context of how it affects parents who can’t cut their hours or seriously start thinking about retirement, because they need a certain income to support adult children. We’re not in that category yet but know a few late 50’s/early 60’s parents who are still giving their late 20’s/early 30’s children some financial support even when the adult children are working or studying.

One of my neighbors (62) had a rant about this after a couple of glasses of wine. She’d like her DD (31) and her bf to be more independent as they keep boomeranging back, and she’s worried that the two younger siblings might follow suit! She’s the main breadwinner and would like to cut back household expenses, think about retirement in a few years, etc. She feels stuck and knackered!