Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Anyone else

8 replies

Stepmamama · 08/12/2025 19:44

Please no judgement I just want to know if anyone can give me any advice,so ive been married for 3 years now with my partner for 5 years he has a 13 year old son and a single dad full time when we met,I have a 7 year old daughter and also a 13 year old with autism..so it was great at first I bonded with my stepson and made him feel welcome and equal to my other children hes always showed some jealousy but I understand how moving into a home with other children is a huge change but as he reached age 13 he started to get very mean with my little girl for instance it was her birthday and we like the family to sit together as she opens them she unwrapped the present and it was lego from her aunt ,,soon as he saw this he said to me and his dad why cant I have it I want it so as we explained its her birthday gift because we said no he couldn't have it and that maybe they could play together he got so moody and kicked my little girls lego across the room ..another one is when my eldest son gave his dad a hug he didnt like this either so he threw a cake in my sons face so me and his dad sat him down and explained he was in the wrong and the punishment we put in place was to ban him of any gadgets that evening this is what we do as parents when we have gave 3 warnings .and because we did this he went up stairs and trashed my sons bedroom and broke his guitar then threw his own toys down the stairs.these past few months hes been swearing at me verbally and with his hands if I dont put all my attention to him he will ruin things in the home ie punch the doors scream at my little girl im getting to the point where I want to leave my husband because my husband says its normal for him to be this way hes come from having no siblings ? But all these years surley things shouldn't be this way I mean he went to hit my daughter i had to stand in the way and he head butted my stomach ,I dont know how much more I can take as its not fair to my children hes treated as an equal hes very spolit of his mums grandparents I mean every gadget going he has i have different rules for my children when it comes to gadgets I have screen time but my husband let's him stay up to whatever time because if he takes his gadget something will happen a bad tantrum or something getting smashed we had counselling twice for him help in school but they say mentally nothing is wrong as when hes in school hes the sweetest boy anyone could meet but when hes at home its totally different anyone else going through similar? Or im a being a bad step parent i just try and support him the best I can i do one to one with them all obviously my youngest needs more attention but this bothers him alot also any advice thanks

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2025 19:49

Absolutely you would be right to leave this relationship. He’s 13 and violent, and likely will get worse. You need to protect your children and separate from his father and him.

BulliedSS · 09/12/2025 09:22

Your husband is the only one who can address and correct this behaviour, and he’s not. So you need to safeguard your children and leave.

At 13 he knows this behaviour is wrong.

lunar1 · 09/12/2025 09:51

The more important question is, are you being a good parent? Is this the childhood you want your children to have?

Bunnymcgee · 09/12/2025 09:58

Your husband needs to parent his son. He's not doing him any favours by not addressing the behaviour and excusing it. I can also guarantee that if he cut back on the screen time and put limits and boundaries on that, while he would kick off initially, in the long run his behaviour would significantly improve. People underestimate the impact that overuse of screens has on children's behaviour. I say that as a teacher of children with social, emotional and behavioural needs.
In your position I would find some articles explaining the need for boundaries for children, reduced screen time, etc and ask him to read them then have a discussion with him about the behaviour. If he still refuses to address it then I would be thinking about what needs to be done to protect your children from it and consider leaving with them.

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 10/12/2025 13:32

lunar1 · 09/12/2025 09:51

The more important question is, are you being a good parent? Is this the childhood you want your children to have?

This.
worry more about protecting your own kids from violence and less about supporting the perpetrators.
“Deal with your child, DH, or we will be getting a divorce”.
The End.

Bamfram · 11/12/2025 16:14

Your poor daughter.
How have you tolerated this treatment of her?

Mariammaom · 11/12/2025 16:19

You need to prioritise your own children over this man!

ChristmasinBrighton · 11/12/2025 16:25

I agree with PP. Your job is to keep your DC safe in every way. You can’t do that if you continue to live with DSS.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page