Needing advise and rewiring

[Anot5]

Hi there. In my 60's, been with partner 10 years. Have a great relationship. 8 months ago, dna site that he was on, showed he had a 34 year old daughter, who reached out to him. She has grown up with a father and now cut the story short, we have met her and my partner texes her and phones her once a week.
At the start I felt a little threatened but thought it was normal. 8 months have passed and I am struggling with their relationship still, I feel insecure, jealous and like she is now No.1 . My partner and I communicate about how I am feeling, but at the end of the day it is his daughter. He texes away from me and doesn't tell me any thing about her, because I don't want to feel like crap, so I ask not to tell me.. but I can see they are getting to know one another more and I am just on the side lines.i don't want to feel like this and I am wondering If any one had any advice to help me except the relationship more and be apart of it, as she is a lovely girl, I just feel like she is taking my man's attention and affection away from me. But she isn't cos he has enough love for all of us.i just don't know what my mind is thinking.. I need a reset
Thank you

These are all totally normal feelings. You now have a competitor for your partners attention. People will say otherwise but read the book stepmonster and you will feel validated. Hope this helps

Stepmonster is a great book!

@Anot5 you’re not being strange at all. You’ve had 10 years of a pretty settled routine with your partner, and suddenly a whole new (very important) person appears. Anyone would wobble.

A few thoughts:
It’s not that she’s “replacing” you — it’s the sudden change.
Your head knows he’s got enough love for both of you, but your nervous system hasn’t caught up yet. Totally normal.

The secretive-ish texting would bother most people.
Not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because being left out makes your brain fill in the gaps. Maybe you don’t want the full play-by-play, but even a quick “Hey, we chatted about X today” could stop the spiral.

You’re allowed to need a bit of reassurance.
That doesn’t mean you’re trying to come between them — it just means you’re human.

Getting involved a tiny bit can take the edge off.
Even small things like being there for part of a meet-up, sending her a birthday card, or asking your partner to share one nice/funny thing she said. It stops you feeling like you’re on the outside looking in.

And honestly… 8 months is no time at all.
Everyone’s still adjusting (including her!)
Maybe ask yourself: “What one small thing would help me feel safer and more included right now?” and start there.
You’re not losing your partner. You’re just navigating a big change, and it’s okay to need a bit of time (and reassurance) to settle into it. She could be someone who could add to your life too. Keep the communication open - good luck!

You're not wrong to feel how you do. Everything has changed. The future you envisaged with him has now changed forever. She may well have children and then he becomes a grandparent which adds a whole new dimension when he's got GC to dote over.

Also financially things will change as she will become his next of kin legally as you are not married and he may well plan his will in a different way now.

Do you own a house with him? Are you financially independent? Because those are also factors to think about when a new next of kin is identified.

So everything is different. Best not to try to push those feelings down but process how you are going to navigate all that lies ahead.