Christmas costs of SK

[Mumto2at]

So me and husband who are recently married opened a joint bank for joint expenses, so bills and savings for household items, Christmas birthdays etc. He has a son from previous marriage, CS doesn't come out of this (he's never even hinted at that to add). Is it fair that his Christmas presents come out of this fund? Personally I think he should have an amount paid for majority by his dad, baring in mind he will be getting a load of other presents from his mum and all her family. He is after more expensive things, phone, VR headset to name a few whereas the total for our joint children has come to under £360

Those with SK how do you do things?

Not a discussion we've yet had, maybe husband isn't even considering this (but he's very last minute with everything, I've pretty much sorted our two kids out now) previously before this account I just told him how much to send me so this is new.

When I was with an ex who had two children (I have none) we both used to put £50 a month into a 'presents' fund for the girls. All gifts came from the fund.

I actually see this very differently. When you marry someone who already has children, those children become part of your wider family unit too. A joint account for household and family expenses includes all the children, not just the ones you share biologically. Otherwise it creates a very uncomfortable “ours vs his” divide, which I personally think is unfair on the child and damaging long-term.

Christmas isn’t about tallying up which child gets what or making sure your joint children get more because his son also has another household buying for him. You wouldn’t reduce what you buy for a child just because grandparents or extended family get them a lot too, it’s the same principle.

If you’re both contributing to a joint family pot, then Christmas gifts for all the children should come from that pot. His son didn’t choose his parents’ relationship history, and it’s important he feels equally valued in both homes.

Of course, you and your husband should talk openly about budgets and expectations, but personally I don’t agree with the idea of separating him out or making his dad solely responsible for his gifts. In a blended family, the goal should be inclusion, not lines down the middle.

I wouldn’t (and don’t) expect my partner to contribute to my kids’ Christmas presents but I know when we are sharing finances he will want them to come from our shared money. I feel the same about his children.

I'd treat all the kids the same in terms of it's family money.

I have three children from previous relationship. My husband had one child from previous relationship. We split the cost of all four kids evenly between us and neither of us would dream of doing it any other way.

We have joint finances anyway. We put in money over the year into a Christmas pot. All kids have the same budget.

I buy the gifts for my kids , he buys the gift for his kids. We don’t have joint money because joint money doesn’t work in blended families!

Are you not planning to buy your step children a Xmas present?

Why would I? The gifts get given from us both just funded separately.

What did you do before you were married ? If you already have children between you you’ve obviously been together a while , not sure why things would change now you’re married

Not fair at all. I would never pay anything towards my partner’s kids that he had with another woman. They already have two parents and two sets of gifts, he is a CF for taking the money out of the shared pot.

I treat my step son as if he's my own so happily buy him presents. Sometimes more than his dad spends, sometimes less. We just buy things when we think of them.

You'd never buy your partners kid a present?

Yabu!
Don't marry and have children with a man if you aren't prepared to treat his existing kids equally.

I really hope this is a reverse

If the SC, or my children for that matter, are having BIG presents, we tend to pay those ourselves (however we're also scandalous as we don't have a joint account) but as I do most the shopping I pay for all the stocking gifts, smaller presents, PJs, shower gel etc those type of things. I also pay most for our shared DC but I earn a lot more.

I pay for my dc, he pays for his, he has 3, I have 1, his have another parent and gps and mine does not therefore I spend a lot more per child than he does. If we were to pay the same for each child. I think that would do my dc a diservice. I'm another one who thinks combined finances on 2nd marriages doesn't work

I have 3 dc and he has 1. I pay for mine and he pays for his.

My husband pays for his adult children's presents. I think he spends too much which is why I don't go halves! If there is a smaller present as well that comes out of the joint pot or I pay for it out of my own account. I don't have kids so it's not like it's a level playing field.

You’re married? How miserable this sounds.. surely as a family you should be buying presents even if modest for all the children no matter whose they are?

We do not have joint finances. My DP has three children and I have none. Their mum passed away long before I met him. He has paid every single bill since we met. I pay for everything for Christmas, birthdays and anything they want as I love doing it. They would get a lot less if their dad bought them 😀

I love that you get to be the fun one in your set up! Fair enough if he pays for everything else - you get the joy spends!

Everyone gets a gift… no one has said otherwise on this thread!

I think all children in the family unit should have the same amount spent on them from the family budget. Anything else makes it clear that the stepchild isn't a full part of the family.

Yes, this means your joint children might have less spent on them overall (if you account for what your stepchild's mum buys for them), but it's a tiny price to pay for the privilege of living with both their parents full time.

We have a joint account for our house expenses only (rent, council tax, utilities, groceries). Our personal accounts cover our own expenses. DP buys his family, I buy for mine but all gifts are signed from us both.

Exactly. No wicked step mother here 😂😂