End of CM obligation - advice

[Alwaysthereforthechaos]

I’m keen to hear from both sides, as your DC or DSC reached adulthood, living at home but at uni. What did you expect to receive from your ex or what did you give?
Keen to understand both views if possible!

The maintenance should go to the child until uni is finished and he/she can pay some small digs to rp until he/she moves out or goes into full-time employment

Living with other parent full time?
I would probably sit down and discuss with the other parent if they want you to continue paying and they fully provide financially for the kid at uni or if they would prefer that you split uni costs and then give a small token amount for food & board.

I would give the money directly to the adult child - who can then discuss with the RP what they need to pay in board etc.
That way you won't be dragged into that.

My DD has gone to uni. He stopped all payments and he isn't giving her any money at all.

She's living off her maintenance loan. We're in Wales so she gets £12.5k a year.

I do think if she stayed home he may have contributed something.

What if sensible discussion with ex was impossible and DC had no set pattern of residence.

Realistically where does the kid stay mostly?

My ex continued to pay me CM until both children had finished university in recognition of the fact that they still needed a home to come to in the holidays, and therefore I still had to pay council tax and bills for a property big enough for them regardless of where they slept during term time.

I didn’t get a huge amount of maintenance though so he gave the dc money directly.

That seems completely fair to me, because as the resident parent i still had costs associated with having them living at home so their other parent should have costs too. When they both got jobs, they paid rent and maintenance stopped.

The court order for my husband's ex was payment to her. We discussed paying it directly to my step son but she would not agree and he would have been in breach of the court order of he didn't pay direct to her.

My exH paid our son's rent through uni.

Mine got nothing, not even a £1 for a drink or a few pounds towards a meal deal. Never had them over for dinner once in that time yet sat through graduation like it was his work.
I never wanted a penny more but he could’ve and should’ve done much more for his daughter directly. A fiver a week towards a hot drink on her commute in winter wouldn’t have killed him

If a child is going to uni the expectation is the parents will provide financial support. The threshold for a full maintenance loan is ridiculously low and hasn’t been updated for decades. Literally.

yes, young people should get jobs if they are not on eg a medicine course where it is nigh on impossible. But both parents should pay toward the shortfall.

Also it one parent is providing free housing, food and company during uni holidays then there needs to also be some recognition of that by the non-resident parent. Why on earth it should be the resident parent’s sole responsibility is beyond me.

OP has said the child will be living at home and going to uni so I think the food and housing etc is actually provided all year round.
I think it makes sense the residential patent would continue to get maintenance.

My DH paid his ex-DW maintenance until his DC had finished at university. They had agreed it as part of his divorce - seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

Legally, maintenance is paid until the child's 18th birthday unless there is a court order defining something else. Some parents still pay towards uni expenses but it's not something that can be enforced. Last maintenance payment for my ds was the month before he turned 18, nothing since and he's now coming up to 24

When I was in university, my father paid me directly. Part of the reason for this was that it was necessary for me to stay in education. The other was that I had no where else to live as neither parent was prepared to provide housing.

My ex stopped paying at 18 as DC chose to go to uni, he's not responsible for that choice.

My partner pays half of everything with his ex for their kids eho are at uni.

It's why my ex is my ex and my partner is my partner.

My ex paid me until dc left university but I passed on much of it to them, was easier

Mine stopped when child benefit stopped at the end of August at the end of the academic year of college. They do give DC money now they are at Uni, but that is directly and I have no idea how much as it between them now.

I find this ridiculous on the part of the payer.
So your 21 year old is living at home and doesn’t earn enough or is unable to earn enough to support themselves independently. The reason is pretty irrelevant because the cost is what the cost is. Or maybe are saving hard for a deposit.
But suddenly you are no longer responsible for your child’s welfare so Mum has to turn the child onto the street or suck it up and cover all the child’s living costs?
What would these fathers be doing if they were RP?

That’s not really a thing though is it, unless you’re saying it’s 50 50 if so then no maintenance,