Page 2 | Parental responsibility split

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/10/2025 14:54

Minnie798 · 12/10/2025 14:51

The only suggestion would be whether the journeys could be shared with the other parent. Meeting half way rather than dad doing the full journey. If that isn't possible, things should carry on as they are. He sounds like a good dad who is prioritising both his children, not just his new baby/ partner.

Then he’d be travelling on more days as the other parent already does their fair share of driving

Original poster

mylittlesunshine0172 · 12/10/2025 15:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty if you didn’t spend time doing activities with your children at babies, that’s a decision you have made. If I like to spend time doing activities with my child, that’s a decision I can make.

There are things we know DSS would find incredibly boring so we do them when he is at his mums and spend time with DD. Such as sealife centre…

OP posts:

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/10/2025 15:08

mylittlesunshine0172 · 12/10/2025 15:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty if you didn’t spend time doing activities with your children at babies, that’s a decision you have made. If I like to spend time doing activities with my child, that’s a decision I can make.

There are things we know DSS would find incredibly boring so we do them when he is at his mums and spend time with DD. Such as sealife centre…

I didn’t for a second suggest I didn’t do activities with my babies, or that you shouldn’t with yours. I was pointing out that your DD doesn’t know if she’s spent the whole day with both of you doing kiddy activities or not, and none of them need a whole day at that age, so it’s a good opportunity to take time for yourself. There is no need to be rude about it.

Original poster

mylittlesunshine0172 · 12/10/2025 15:20

@ToKittyornottoKitty it genuinely wasn’t meant in a rude way however I believe I read the tone of your message incorrectly so my error - based on what you have said I have reread and I understand what you mean. Yes maybe I need to ease up a little, it’s my first child so I’m trying to enjoy it as much as possible.

I am not denying at all having an extra pair of hands makes the load so much lighter so I don’t find those days as stressful but yes I should still use them to get my time too.

OP posts:

Pyjamatimenow · 12/10/2025 15:26

Welcome to my world. Dh spends most of his life in the car ferrying stepchild about. Ex doesn’t get off her bum. It’s hugely frustrating but this is what you sign up to. If you’re not happy now I’d suggest not having more with him. It’s one of the many reasons not to get involved with anyone who already has kids. If you get one who doesn’t see his kids often they’re likely a crap dad, if you get one who does any you have together will be stuck playing second fiddle to step kids.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/10/2025 15:40

mylittlesunshine0172 · 12/10/2025 15:20

@ToKittyornottoKitty it genuinely wasn’t meant in a rude way however I believe I read the tone of your message incorrectly so my error - based on what you have said I have reread and I understand what you mean. Yes maybe I need to ease up a little, it’s my first child so I’m trying to enjoy it as much as possible.

I am not denying at all having an extra pair of hands makes the load so much lighter so I don’t find those days as stressful but yes I should still use them to get my time too.

Sounds like you may be putting too much pressure on yourself to be honest, which is a trap loads of us fall in to! Having a baby is wonderful and magical and they change so much so you want to enjoy it - but also it’s knackering and hard and sometimes boring. There’s nothing wrong with taking breaks, you can’t really change the situation with DSS and nor should you, but my suggestion is to adapt by making sure you protect your own time too, if DD looses a few hours or an occasional afternoon with both or you on a Saturday she wont even realise, no harm done. And before you know it DSS will be older and the situation will change. He will be 18 when your child is 5 so still loads of time to do those Saturday activities together at an age when she doesn’t nap for half of it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do OP

Zanatdy · 13/10/2025 05:29

I’d have loved my ex to have helped so much with ours when they were babies. Sorry but does sound like he does a lot already and collecting his child is essential, he’s not out with his mates or playing golf

Spinmerightroundbaby · 15/10/2025 03:43

mylittlesunshine0172 · 12/10/2025 10:20

I am here for some advice, I’m aware it may just be newborn resentment but thought I’d ask as my brain isn’t seeing this as straight as normal.

My DP and I have DSS (13) and DD (4months).

We have DSS mon-fri and 1 weekend a month.
I am on maternity leave.

We currently split care of DD as the below. We both split dinner/bathtime routine so one does dinner other does bath time and getting DD ready for bed. Once finished dinner DP has DD from 8pm so I can go to sleep and does the first night feed (midnight or 1/2amish), as my DP is a heavier sleeper he will keep DD until she starts her real stirring around 3/4am I do that feed and he goes back to sleep. I have asked DP swap with DD after the 1/2am feed however he says he isn’t fussed as he will sleep through little noises she makes whereas I would wake up. I do however feel he gets the short straw with this but he says he doesn’t care.

Now comes to the weekends, DP picks DSS every other Sunday and it takes 3.5hrs to drive there and 3.5hrs to drive back. So 7hrs in total. Which means understandably I do Sunday with DD on my own, the other weekend we have me time so I can do again one day of the weekend on my own. I understand it kind of is what it is but I just feel a bit frustrated as at the weekends which is also my tiny bit of respite. I’m having to do it on my own 50% of the time 3/4 weekends

does anyone have any suggestions?

Not really sure of the issue here OP. Seems like your DP really pitches in when he can and his logic does make sense. He also does have responsibilities in relation to his other child.

BudgetBuster · 15/10/2025 13:57

Mother of 1 and a 14 Yr old SC here

Honestly your partner is doing ALOT! Remember that while you are at home a day with your DD, he is at work... he's not having 'me time'. In the first few years, you having some sleep is absolutely 'me time'. You are literally getting 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night because your DP who works is picking up that load.

Picking up his kid so far away is a bit of a hindrance but you knew this before you opted to have a kid with him. Cut him.some slack.

You've been quite rude to responses here that are suggesting parenting often means sacrifice of personal time etc.. it absolutely does. The sooner you realise that and adapt the better you will feel.

Do activities as a family if you want, but don't then complain that you don't have non-baby time.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 15/10/2025 14:21

Maybe reduce the time spent doing outings with the baby, as she won't understand them anyway. I know it's nice to get out and about, but maybe choose a morning activity, or afternoon, and use the opposite time to take a breather.
Unfortunately, when there's other kids involved, whether bio or step, you still need to get on with it. It won't always be a 7hr drive separating the both of you, sometimes it will be a 2hr birthday party, followed by a 1hr drive to a football tournament/swim meet etc. The day will be gone either way

GentleWord · 15/10/2025 16:34

I think you have to accept that your DH has other responsibilities to his older child on weekends so those types of days out aren't going to be happening. Maybe if you move closer to his other parent?

GreatSnake · 16/10/2025 13:50

Is the train route quite simple? If he just doesn’t like it, rather than it’s too hard logistically or dangerous, he could do it every other time?

Does he still want to spend all his weekends at his mum’s? Often teenagers prefer to be at home in familiar surroundings, close to their mates, at that age.