Step parenting teens with a new born baby

[TinyTraveller]

Hey Everyone,

My husband and I are expecting a little boy in January ☺️. He has two children from a previous relationship, 13 and 11. They stay with us every Friday - Saturday evening.

I wondering:

1. If you have any tips on how to best manage the age gap to ensure my stepkids don’t feel excluded

2. Any tips on how to divy up the time, ensuring everyone’s needs are met

Thanks so much :)

What a sweet and thoughtful post. I don’t have step children so can’t offer anything but opinion.

1. I would make sure that the older children have time alone with their dad as well as time as a blended family.
2. I would also make sure that they have their own space away from the baby if possible.
3. I would keep them very involved around the birth and if possible allow them to meet their new brother as soon as possible. Perhaps coming from the hospital.
4. the new baby could give them a lovely present.
5. if you are open to it could they help to pick the first or middle name? You could give them the option to pick from your choices if you are worried their choices could be a bit wild.
6. I would try not to cancel their visits when it is less convenient. They might feel pushed aside or replaced.
7. can they help choose clothes, pram toys etc for the baby so that they feel invested?
8. make sure you don’t turn them into mini babysitters for the time you are with them. If they volunteer when they are older, make sure you pay them where you would have paid a sitter.
9. encourage your side of the family not to treat them differently to the new baby.

congratulations and good luck!

Hey OP, I was this age when my siblings were born and I was the stepchild and also my child was this age when I had my second child (also was the stepchild)

My advice would be to make them the most important people that need to meet the baby first as they are siblings, my step GP’s also made a huge fuss of me becoming a sibling for the first time as did my family with my first born.

I was always included with discussions whilst my SM was pregnant and they let me choose outfits for the baby/blankets things like that etc so I did the same with my child.

My stepmum and my stepdad (when my mum then had a baby) both had conversations with me and told me that I am still very loved by them and my parents even though the baby was here and reassured me, and my partner did the same with my child.

I have let my first born be as involved with my youngest as they like, sometimes they wanted to give them a bottle or feed them breakfast as they got older.

You may also find as they get to be older teens they don’t want to do the family days out to the farm or zoo. I used to love the free house when I was 15 and my first born is also similar so I don’t push him unless they are birthday days out for example.
Finding family things to do for such different ages can be hard so I try to spend some 1-1 time with my teen doing things they like to do or my partner will take the oldest for dinner/ cinema, things like that.

Family time can be a game easier for the younger one but fun for the older ones or building forts/dens etc

I’m always grateful to my step parents as I always felt loved and still do to this day

Lovely post and thoughtful. First and foremost the way you will feel about this wee baba is how he feels about his kids. You will understandably love your own baby more but keep the above in mind and always always behave the way you would want a future wife/girlfriend to treat your baby in the unlikely event you break up.
from a first date wife and mum and also a step mum. And good luck and all the best wishes in the world