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Step-parenting

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Holidays with stepchild

13 replies

Carina82 · 01/10/2025 16:29

Me and my husband have 4 children between us, one of them is his from a previous relationship who has lived with him for the majority of her life, she's 14.

Whenever we go on holiday his ex always wants to be in contact with her daughter. Its absolutely fine but a little excessive in my opinion as she will pester her by text and if she doesn't answer she tries calling and questions why she hasn't answered. Once she does get ahold of her the conversation always ends with, 'don't forget to call me tomorrow'.
What's really annoying too is that the ex insists on video calling so she can see what her daughter can see. It feels so intrusive to me and I feel like we may as well have booked her a place on the holiday with us!

Whenever she goes away with her mum we always say, 'don't worry about contacting us, just have a great time' just to take the pressure off. Does anybody else think her mum needs some boundaries when we go away and how do I go about it?

To make it clear, I have absolutely no problem her mum being in contact while we are away but her behaviour seems a bit too much.

OP posts:
Complet · 01/10/2025 16:37

I don’t think video calling your child everyday is that odd. I would just let her get on with it and move to a different room or take a walk if you don’t want to be in the video.

My child is older, but when I’ve been away for a few days I do like video calling them as I like to see their face.

I’m not sure you can really say anything without coming across badly. Would you really ask a mum to stop video calling their child? I would just let them get on with it and be out the room when it happens.

Scorpion84 · 01/10/2025 17:19

I have a similar situation. Generally step daughter will go out on to the balcony or just make sure I'm not in the video call

. One time I was in my towel walking around when sd was on face time and I don't wish to to be shown in the background of calls when I'm on holiday

Carina82 · 01/10/2025 17:23

Complet · 01/10/2025 16:37

I don’t think video calling your child everyday is that odd. I would just let her get on with it and move to a different room or take a walk if you don’t want to be in the video.

My child is older, but when I’ve been away for a few days I do like video calling them as I like to see their face.

I’m not sure you can really say anything without coming across badly. Would you really ask a mum to stop video calling their child? I would just let them get on with it and be out the room when it happens.

It's throughout the day, not just once a day. We could be out on an excursion and she'll call wanting to be a part of it.

I know I risk coming across badly by saying it but I just thought it was a little excessive. I also feel it's putting unnecessary pressure on the daughter because she feels she has to constantly check her phone when she's actually a child who will usually leave her phone when she's busy.

OP posts:
helpme402 · 01/10/2025 17:29

once a day is fine but throughout the day is excessive imo. Perhaps can gently say to your SD, oh we're going to go on the boat now. Why don't you say bye to your mum and call her when we're back at the hotel? i'm sure your SD doesn't enjoy constantly being on video call and would rather enjoy the moment.

Carina82 · 01/10/2025 17:30

Scorpion84 · 01/10/2025 17:19

I have a similar situation. Generally step daughter will go out on to the balcony or just make sure I'm not in the video call

. One time I was in my towel walking around when sd was on face time and I don't wish to to be shown in the background of calls when I'm on holiday

You see I find that really intrusive if she catches a glimpse, or even picks up on conversations in the background. His ex is the type to compare and outdo everything too so I know she'll be looking for things.

When we aren't on holiday his ex never bothers contacting her either so it's just over the top.

OP posts:
Carina82 · 01/10/2025 17:32

helpme402 · 01/10/2025 17:29

once a day is fine but throughout the day is excessive imo. Perhaps can gently say to your SD, oh we're going to go on the boat now. Why don't you say bye to your mum and call her when we're back at the hotel? i'm sure your SD doesn't enjoy constantly being on video call and would rather enjoy the moment.

You see, we've tried saying this but his ex likes to make out were stopping her from speaking to her. It's tiring trying to find a solution which makes everyone happy!

OP posts:
Hayley1256 · 01/10/2025 17:33

Me and EXh would normally expect to speak to DD9 once or twice a week if she is away the other. Neither of us would put that pressure on her.

autienotnaughty · 01/10/2025 17:39

I would find it irritating too but it’s up to your dh to manage it. Could your dsd have a set time for face timing each day?

helibirdcomp · 01/10/2025 17:41

Talk to your step daughter. Ask her how she feels about her mum calling all the time and if she would like it to stop/ reduce. If she is happy with the calls fine just stay out of shot. If not there are several things you could try. 1. Ring her mum and tell her you are all having phone free daytimes so you can relax and de stress and that her daughter will facetime her at a specified time in the evening. 2. Forget to take SD phone out with you. 3. Next holiday let your step daughter accidently leave her charger at home and then tell her mum that she only has enough charge to switch her phone on for 5 minutes a day (ideally your phone will require different chargers/ leads). If mum asks that she use your phone give her the 5 mins and then interrupt and say I need my phone back now. 4. Actually tackle the problem head on and get your husband to tell her that much as you appreciate her keeping in touch with her daughter it is intruding on your holiday so please cut it down to one call a day.

helibirdcomp · 01/10/2025 17:46

Had a wicked thought. How about snogging and groping your husband thoroughly in the background of the video.

MuggleMe · 01/10/2025 18:08

If my daughter was speaking to anyone that meant she was excessively distracted from the family activities she's involved with id boot her off the phone. Once a day is a perfectly reasonable boundary.

CombatBarbie · 01/10/2025 18:34

Yup I have this too except its my own child (getting divorced) I always tell my DDs they can call me anytime but I don't call them on dad's time. On my time hes constantly messaging and video calling. Does my tits in but I just rise above it, smile and nod.

hungrypanda4 · 01/10/2025 19:00

helibirdcomp · 01/10/2025 17:46

Had a wicked thought. How about snogging and groping your husband thoroughly in the background of the video.

Made me chuckle

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