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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Struggling with stepkids

34 replies

RachelLondonmum · 16/09/2025 15:08

I live with my husband and my adult stepson (23) and I have been really struggling with it. My husband and I have had a lot of rows about his living with us; I have never really been comfortable since he moved in after uni, it bothered me that there was never a plan or any indication of how long he might want to live with us; a year? 2? 3? And any bringing up of this question was greeted as a betrayal. From his POV I’ve not hidden my feelings well; I admit I haven't always been warm and friendly enough to SS when I’m feeling low about it. I don’t feel good about any of it but it’s really damaging our marriage.
just asking if there’s anyone in similar situation? Should mention I have little ones of my own with my husband, also being raised in the house.
just finding this period of our life is strained when I want to just concentrate on being a mum to my own…

OP posts:
implodi · 28/09/2025 00:55

BernardButlersBra · 28/09/2025 00:19

This. Everyone needs to grow up and stand on their own 2 feet. Otherwise how long are people going to be spoon fed and cosseted. Ultimately it doesn't help them

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Times have changed. Young people face serious difficulties with employment. My eldest has very high grades and is doing a very respected degree, has a well rounded CV, volunteering, bit of paid work - and for his last summer job, he applied for about 50 before he got it. That’s absolutely ludicrous. When I graduated, I just applied for about 5 jobs and got 2 offers quickly. I also went to uni for free. My accommodation was so cheap at £30pw. Times are really so much more difficult.

Dearodearo · 28/09/2025 01:00

Antralucinda · 27/09/2025 23:55

Ridiculous to expect to be supported over the age of 18-at a push 20. All the replies are ridiculously overprotective of Adulys - you’re not a child at that age and it’s pathetic. I went to uni, got jobs, supported myself and I’m from a loving family, I just accepted adult responsibilities.

Yeah but how old are you? My parents managed to buy a 4 bed house for 75k 25 years ago..... does that mean that I'll be able to do that now?..... no

I'm expecting my children to live with me until their at least 25 if they want a decent/easier chance at getting on the property ladder. Why would I want them to spend over 1.5k a month on rent and bills and struggle when they could comfortably stay at home and start to save for their future?

LoveItaly · 28/09/2025 01:03

BernardButlersBra · 28/09/2025 00:19

This. Everyone needs to grow up and stand on their own 2 feet. Otherwise how long are people going to be spoon fed and cosseted. Ultimately it doesn't help them

Show quote history

The jobs market is dire at the moment, I know of graduates with excellent degrees from top universities struggling to get any work at all. Renting in many large cities is also very expensive, so to expect all young people to be fully independent from 18 years is frankly ridiculous.

BernardButlersBra · 28/09/2025 10:00

LoveItaly · 28/09/2025 01:03

The jobs market is dire at the moment, I know of graduates with excellent degrees from top universities struggling to get any work at all. Renting in many large cities is also very expensive, so to expect all young people to be fully independent from 18 years is frankly ridiculous.

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That’s just the way it goes 🤷‍♀️. I graduated with 1st class Honours with lots of work experience but unfortunately graduated at a bad time. I applied for numerous jobs whilst doing what was my student job full time. I stuck with it and in time got a job in my field. This was in quite an expensive part of the UK so plenty of overheads

There is no mention of the OP’s SS putting much effort in or even having any kind of plan? Like she said this could go on for years, personally l wouldn’t be subsidising him out of my own money but that’s probably hard to stop if he is dossing in her house

Antralucinda · 28/09/2025 11:47

I had to pay for uni and worked multiple rubbish jobs and paid back my student loan mid 30’s. If people are trying to get jobs that’s great and not easy, I’m not saying that it’s easy and a helping hand isn’t needed, but I am saying that adult children shouldn’t expect to be looked after in their 20s as if they were a young teen. It’s not doing them favours if they leave home in their late 20s without experience taking on adult responsibilities; sharing chores like cooking, cleaning & contributing to the household budget etc. they will be in for a very big shock.

Dearodearo · 28/09/2025 13:20

Antralucinda · 28/09/2025 11:47

I had to pay for uni and worked multiple rubbish jobs and paid back my student loan mid 30’s. If people are trying to get jobs that’s great and not easy, I’m not saying that it’s easy and a helping hand isn’t needed, but I am saying that adult children shouldn’t expect to be looked after in their 20s as if they were a young teen. It’s not doing them favours if they leave home in their late 20s without experience taking on adult responsibilities; sharing chores like cooking, cleaning & contributing to the household budget etc. they will be in for a very big shock.

I agree with you about chores and contributing to the household budget. My children are only 8 and 10 atm and I do envison them staying at home until mid twenties.... but even at their ages now they both have household chores and both know how to use the washing machine.... my 8 year old is a boy and I would hate him to grow up to be a man who expected his partner to do all the household chores 😅

Letam · 29/09/2025 06:36

Nestingbirds · 28/09/2025 00:14

Back when it was easy to get jobs and rent was affordable, now not so much.o I hope you don’t have dc!

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How do you know that was when it was to be fair? I graduated into 2008 onwards recession was a fucking nightmare, things weren't always easy prior to modern era.

FrauPaige · 29/09/2025 06:50

Letam · 29/09/2025 06:36

How do you know that was when it was to be fair? I graduated into 2008 onwards recession was a fucking nightmare, things weren't always easy prior to modern era.

Show quote history

Rent was a lot cheaper in 2008 than 2025.

We have to stop projecting our graduate experiences onto the youth of today to label them as workshy or mollycoddled.

Accomodation expenses eat up almost all of young people's earnings, even if they graduate into a profession as starting salaries are not high and big firms often have extended graduate internships which are unpaid.

I expect my children to live with me until 30.

Bflutterfly · 03/10/2025 12:57

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