I feel bad not including my step sons in all our special breaks or holidays

[Crazyworldmum]

So we are a blended family , hubby has 2 children now 18 and 24 from previous wedding , I have 2 of mine 22 and 8 and we have one together . Married happy 99% of the time , everyone gets along well apart from hubbies 2 boys who fight like cat and dog if they are together .
Basically I always include my stepsons on our breaks and holidays it’s been this way the 6 years we have been together , they live abroad and the oldest only joins us if he find it convincente , so if we go to a nice 5 star hotel or disneyworld or anywhere he likes , youngest will want to come with us always and he seems to really enjoy being with us no matter what , he also visits often .
Basically after we got married we didn’t have a honeymoon or rest and we now want to book a family break somewhere before Christmas . This means neither of the boys can come , oldest is working abroad and youngest is studying , mine can come ( oldest is disabled so no work ) .
DH is not bothered, he says they have holidays with their mum too and oldest only joins us when there is something in it for him and makes no effort to see us other way , doesn’t feel guilty but I do .
I have a good relationship with them and I don’t want that spoiled .
I’m thinking about a Disney's related break and I know both SS’s love it but I really don’t want to wait months to go and last time they kind of misbehaved they fought non stop and the oldest monopolised everyone’s time and think DH still remembers that . But I could survive that somehow .
DH really thinks I’m overthinking it as they are now older and can’t expect to always be with us on holidays . I’m really thorn .
Is there a right and wrong here ?

They’re adults OP! Would you be taking them to Disney into their 30s and 40s?!

😳 They're adults.

It is more than okay to book a holiday that grown ups/adult children can't make.

As Hubby Wubby (didn't really know what I was meant to call him, as you referred to him as 'hubby', 'hubbie' and 'DH' (but, thankfully, not 'hubster')) has said that you are overthinking this and they're his (adult) children, you can probably relax and go ahead and book.

2 children from husbands first wedding? That was swift work. Do you mean marriage?

18 is not the same as 30 lol

Yeah I wouldn’t be worried about 18 plus year olds - as pp have said they are adults. You’ve asked, they’ve said they can’t make it, their choice. No issues.

I think you can ask them if they want to come too

They are adults. Enjoy your holiday and forget about it.

It's fine: "we're having a honeymoon and taking the youngest ones - what do you want us to bring back for you?"

It IS nice to have whole-family holidays, even when they are young adults, but it doesn't have to be every single holiday.

Just go, think nothing more about it - especially as your DH is cool with that.

Does the 18 yo go on hols with his Mum?

Thanks for that . Yes DH seems more relaxed about it than me . I just hate them thinking they are less than my own in any way , but the truth is the ages are different, I just really enjoy the boys , we have a good relationship and I want to keep it that way .
Yes the 18 year old goes on holiday with his mum although he doesn’t normally joy them much ( that’s a whole other subject , ex is very narcissistic and the kids specifically the youngest one take the brunt of it ) .

We spoke about it , just saying we where thinking about going and the oldest said “ I work until January so you need to wait until then “ , you gets one mum doesn’t what him to go as he will miss school .

Sounds very entitled.
My 17 year old son already thinks that he's an adult and shouldn't be coming with me on holidays. And this is not a regular holiday you're planning, it's your honeymoon, so totally ok not to take any kids, but 24 sounds a bit old to be thinking about for every holiday.
You should really trust your DH on this one, it's his children anyway.

You really only need to consider the eight year old and the youngest for holidays each time.

Nice to sometimes include the other adult children. A long weekend is enough, or inviting them for longer if they contribute towards it.

They are old enough to do their own thing. I can’t imagine why you’re trying to include them or would even consider feeling bad. They are grown ups!

edited to add , they being step kids makes zero difference here!! They are just not kids anymore!