SS4 starting school in Sept

[sunflowerballoons]

Hello, I'm seeking some guidance from parents and step-parents with kids who have gone to school.
I am trying my best to be a present step-mum as much as BM allows. But with SS4 starting school next month, myself and partner have found it hard.
BM does not offer up any information about SS, in relation to anything, much less school. She just deals with it with her new partner.

Myself and partner want to be as involved in SS school as much as possible, but need to be so proactive with asking for information about school and everything.
And this is where I am struggling. As a younger stepmum, with no kids of my own yet. I have no idea where to even begin with what we should be asking about school. My partner the same.

So what should we be asking her about school? What information should we know? Please people who have kids in school - what is the most important information we need to know about our SS to help him, and ensure school goes well.

TIA.

Your partner should be contacting the school directly and asking his details to be added to all the distribution lists. He will then recieve all the same info she does.

You don’t need to go through her at all. Your partner has equal rights and responsibilities where school is concerned.

Your partner needs to email the school and have himself (and you, if you both agree) added to the apps and contact list. There’ll be apps for communicating homework, newsletters and other info. You should go to meet his teacher and book slots at parents evenings and school events.

It’s not up to his mum to pass on information or not.

You don’t need to go through her at all. Your partner has equal rights and responsibilities where school is concerned.

Your partner needs to email the school and have himself (and you, if you both agree) added to the apps and contact list. There’ll be apps for communicating homework, newsletters and other info. You should go to meet his teacher and book slots at parents evenings and school events.

It’s not up to his mum to pass on information or not.

Your partner needs to contact the school himself, he should be going to parent days and events. However most schools limit invites to 2 people per child so if mum wants to go then you won't be able to.
I'm sorry to say that you need to accept that you will have limited involvement in your SSs school life especially if you aren't married or mum refuses permission for the school to share any information with you, your partner can share that information with you though.
Then theres the issue about the school run will your partner be doing any of it? Are you planning on doing any pick-ups and would mum allow that? I ask because the school won't let you (a legal stranger) randomly pick a reception/p1 child up unless they know who you are and the child's parents have approved you.
Basically your partner needs to step up and you need to step back.
Oh and no neither of you should be expecting mum to keep you informed its dad's responsibility to keep himself updated by being in contact with the school.

As above, your partner needs to get information and should have already done so, in advance of SS starting school.
It's not Mum's job to keep your partner informed.
It's great that you both want to be involved, though, as it's in SS's best interests to have all adults involved in his care on board.

On a practical level of how to support him, the main focus this year with be learning phonics. If you can find out which scheme he is using from school and what the expectations are at home then this will be a great way to support him.

BM is Degoratory term if she has custody of her child. She is the child's mother. Birth mom implies she has relquished her rights and has no longer guardianship of her child.

Your partner has rights as a father to been on contact list however you seem to be over involved in wanting to be involved in this child's school life. He's only 4 years old. Have you been with your dp long? Your not married or have existing dc together the relationship may end. As pp stated many activities at school have a 2 parent limit. I'd take a step back an allow the parents to take the lead. By all means help with homework but you don't necessarily need to be taking the lead dealing with the teachers etc.

OP your partner needs to be the face of involvement, it’s his responsibility.

Was he involved in viewing and applying for schools?

Your partner needs to step up and get involved. Please don't infantised him by thinking you should be doing it on his behalf.

Mother and Father should be involved with the school, not partners as that is just confusing for the child and the school and causes friction. Don't get competitive trying to match the mother's partner's involvement.

Just support your partner to get involved.

Sounds like the stepdad is fully involved, but nobody has a problem with that?

OP one thing to bear in mind is a lot of information is given at drop off / collection so even if your partner’s on all the lists, he won’t get that. It’s worth him building a good relationship with the class teacher and checking in regularly.