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Been offered a brilliant promotion but..

58 replies

Primalicecream · 24/08/2025 12:25

Would really really value advice from others who’ve been in a similar situation. A senior colleague is retiring next summer and I’m being strongly encouraged to apply for their role, so that I can shadow them for a few months beforehand and they can recruit in my place. It’s my dream job and there’s a significant pay increase. It’s likely that if I put my name forward, I’ll get it. It will, however require a move to be nearer our offices - a city around an hours train journey from where we are now. We are in a position to be able to sell our current home and buy one in new location. DH happy to move, and up until now, my DC and SC have all been open to the idea- quite excited by it because there’s lots more going on in new city, things to do when they visit, or for the 3 still at home, more job opportunities for them , etc. DSD(17) who is the youngest, has just said she doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay on at her current FE college when her course finishes and do another year ( foundation year) there, before going to uni. She doesn’t have a particularly close friendship group, and she only sees her mum every 6 weeks or so for the day, we think the main challenge for her is the idea of change.
We can delay the move til next summer but not by another year. This kind of job opportunity isn’t likely to come up again any time soon.
Friends who aren’t step parents are telling me we should just go ahead with the move. My friends in particular know I’ve turned down lots of opportunities to stay in the area my SC grew up in ( it’s not where I’m from, I have no ties here) and are really supportive. But I just feel really guilty for putting my DSD through a change that she might find difficult. We have a good relationship but it’s taken a lot of work to build trust. What should I do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FollowSpot · 25/08/2025 11:19

Go for the job. Get the job.

Commute for a year, an hour’s train journey is normal for loads of London commuters.

Once she has finished her current course check her plans are still the same.

If she was going to Uni instead of Foundation Course she would be living away from home during term time. Set her up as a lodger with a friend, give her train fare to come home yo your new home at weekends / holidays.

Or move and your DSD can commute: again, an hour each way is doable. She may be able to benefit from student railcard etc.

I wouldn’t hold my career and the majority of the family back from opportunity for one 18 yo. Whether a step-DC or bio. Yes, a 14 yo very attached to a circus of friends, or one in the middle of exams years etc. but not at 18 ready to start higher ed.

Pinkissmart · 25/08/2025 12:39

Is this an art foundation year?

I would take her to open days at art universities/ colleges with a FAD - ones that have amazing facilities.
Right now she can only imagine what she is losing, not what she can gain

Primalicecream · 26/08/2025 20:54

Pinkissmart · 25/08/2025 12:39

Is this an art foundation year?

I would take her to open days at art universities/ colleges with a FAD - ones that have amazing facilities.
Right now she can only imagine what she is losing, not what she can gain

Not art foundation, but in the creative industry, so your insights are still spot on! I think that whilst being in a bigger college / uni setting might feel initially daunting, the access to amazing equipment and specialised teaching will soon override that.

She’s settled a little over the weekend, she’s more focussed on spending some of her summer job money on new outfits and stuff for college. Going to leave any further chats til things are clearer- I’m going to go for the job!

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/08/2025 21:26

Can she stay with her mum? Could she rent a room in a friend's house?

Ponderingwindow · 26/08/2025 21:31

I would go for the job. If you get it, you could move ahead without the family or you could commute. DSD could be set up to stay local and come visit the family frequently. There are options to let her complete the next year of her education in place and allow you to take this opportunity if it comes to fruition.

Primalicecream · 27/08/2025 10:16

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/08/2025 21:26

Can she stay with her mum? Could she rent a room in a friend's house?

In theory, yes. She still has a room at her mums house, and their relationship has improved in recent months. Not going to share in too much detail, but in summary, her mum has struggled with some complex mental health and personal challenges for a while and couldn’t manage when DSD became unwell a few years back. We then moved from having DSD and DSS 50/50 to full time. Mum is doing a lot better, but isn’t quite able to be proactive in her relationship with DSD- rarely takes initiative to invite her over or suggest doing things with her and DSD never feels she can just pop in to see her mum, it’s just not that kind of relationship. I don’t think it would be actively harmful for DSD to stay there mid week, there’s no risk to her, and when I’m optimistic I think it could even be a good thing, but I can’t help but worry a bit in case it went wrong….

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 25/09/2025 06:15

Probably not very helpful - but go with YOUR gut. And good luck!

arcticpandas · 25/09/2025 06:28

If she was your child I bet you wouldn't hesitate to move. You don't need to be even more accomodating with sc.

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