It’s probably the end isn’t it?

[Snakemum2]

Hi all,

I’m gutted but need some support. DP has a 5 year old. Quite honestly I have never seen a shit show like it.
The game playing between her mother, DP, other family members. It’s been brutal; through the family courts and there is a child arrangement order.
I have been there for every text, email, court date etc SDD is troubled as a result. One minute she wants to see DP then not, then one night. Then 4, then 2, and DP and his ex use this to point score against each other. This weekend SDD wants to stay an extra night, fine, but DP has to rub it in again with his ex and family (as they do him when she doesn’t want to stay). I called him out on this tonight, kinda be the better person in this, now I am in the wrong for not being supportive of his SDD’s decision to stay an extra night and tbh, I’m done with it. She is 5, should not have control of her custody arrangement and it shouldn’t be used to point score.

otherwise our relationship is good. This is a sticking point but tbh, I think I have lost so much interest in this and subsequently SDD it can’t last can it?

I couldn’t be with a petty minded man who can’t appreciate the importance of putting his child first.

No wonder you have the ick. I don’t blame you!

Run!

Urgh my exh and his ex were the same..
In any given week dsd slept at home, her dm's bf's house.
Her dm's house, dgm's house x 2 dgm's.. And our house.
If dsd decided when with us she preferred to be at another we were expected to drive her there...
Dsd was 3 at this point.. We refused.. Lots of other demands like if dsd has an accident and has to change outfit we need to change the shoes that were sent for that outfit.. Poor dsd never knew what to go find to take back home... The absolute shining light on our divorce - which I filed for - was being out of that shit show.
Ltb and don't look back op..

Run OP Run

I used to have a teenage DSD and it only gets worse unfortunately. There is nothing you can do other than get out asap.

He cares more about point scoring against his ex than he cares about his daughter’s wellbeing or your stability. Leave. He’s emotionally invested in her more than anyone else.

Run Op, neither your DP or his Ex are behaving like sensible adults, if they want to play silly buggers and ruin their poor DCs life I wouldn't stay around to see it. It's sad but that poor kid will be an entitled brat before you know it

Poor kid 🥺

But yes. Not your problem to fix.

Petty men are awful.
Its all about him, not his child.

Get out. You are wasting your time with him.

I’d be getting out of there if I were you

You know the answer, things won’t get better. She is 5, imagine what the rest of your life is going to be like if you stay with this man.

This is a really awful thing they are doing to their daughter, making her responsible for adults' feelings and arrangements.

Poor kid they should be being sensible and working together to come up with stable routine.

I'm not surprised you want to leave!

100% agree with @ZoomyMoon. A stable routine is the most important thing for everyone's sanity. I'd be out of there so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.

It’s bananas letting a 5yo call the shots. And completely unfair on her. I wouldn’t want to be around to see the fall out of this.

Oh dear. I know someone who’s like this with her ex. Her ex and my ex left us to be with each other. Both couples have kids. I was devastated as very much loved my wife (we’re all gay). The other couple did not love each other at all - by both sides’ admission. 2.5 years later my ex and I have found a way to get on well, I even spend time with her, OW and DD together. OW and her ex exist in a constant state of mutual recrimination, every single thing to do with their kids is a horrendous unnecessary drama, the kids struggle and… for what?

Relationships end, for all manner of reasons. One person may have treated the other badly, but when there are kids, it’s on both parties to put the personal issues aside and focus on the co-parenting. Honestly makes life much easier.

I’m moving house soon. The home I’ve lived in for 10 years with my children and (for most of it) my ex. Had to sell due to the divorce. It’s sad, kids and I are sad. But life happens, relationships end. There is no benefit to anyone, especially the children involved, in holding on to resentment. My ex came round today to help with some moving admin and I got her to take the bin out - for the last time. We exchanged looks and although there is still so much unsaid between us, I’m glad we’ve found a way to keep those things away from the child we share. Point scoring is no way to live and when the kids grow up, they just remember that their parents were toxic and their childhood was miserable as a result.