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Step-parenting

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Original poster

What do you guys think?

26 replies

Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 21:57

I have a 4 year old little boy me and his mother have separated she has got with a new man. I have been having my boy from. Thursday until Sunday and this week when I’ve picked him up he’s told me about the man “slapping him in his face because he was angry”. when I asked him why he was angry he said “because he had slapped the man in the face”. I’m not sure if he’s getting mixed up but he also said his mam told him to do it when I asked him who he said “the man”

he says his name but I have kept it out for privacy

is this very extreme or am I being over the top? Would you return your child if this was you?

also in the last 4 days he’s been in her care he has came back with a graze to his wrist to which he said he fell out of the man’s car.

OP posts:
Givemeanamethen · 14/08/2025 22:01

Have you asked DS’s mum about it? I’d try asking DS about it again in a relaxed, non-leading way.

Hopefully someone with more experience will come along to answer.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2025 22:01

You think you might be being “over the top” to worry that your son is being hurt by an adult when your son has told you he’s being hurt by an adult? I find that hard to believe.

Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:03

No is that a different website? I’ve only posted here

OP posts:
Apocketfilledwithposies · 14/08/2025 22:05

How has son been in general? Any changes to behaviour or routines eg eating or sleeping more or less, more emotional or withdrawn?

Have you met the new man?
How long has your son's mum known him?

You have the whole weekend to see if anything else is said or you notice anything else.

Get him drawing, playing imaginatively, etc. See if anything else is brought up or acted out.

Do NOT ask any leading questions.
Do jot down what he said while the exact words are fresh in your mind.

LadybugsAndSunshine · 14/08/2025 22:09

If you believe that your child is being abused then it is your job as his father to safeguard him. I would believe what I was being told by my child, I would report and I’d keep my child with me until hopefully his mum got rid of the boyfriend.

caramac04 · 14/08/2025 22:20

I would believe my child. This gives me the shivers. This new man may be hurting your child. Behaviour like this escalates.

Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:26

I think I’m already guilty of asking leading questions. Do you mean by that saying “ why did the man slap you in the face” ? Is that a leading question? But changes to behaviour yes I have also noticed which i forgot to mention today he has been a little withdrawn he seems where he usually wants to talk to everybody today he has his hidden behind me in Morrisons which was very odd behaviour for him but he was playing ok at the park I took him out for a couple hours on his balance bike

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:30

I think that is what I’m afraid of most, I didn’t really want to include it in the post so it was non biased I guess but the man has bad history people tell me he is an alcoholic and a class a drug user and there’s other stuff even worse I can’t really even post

OP posts:
Beamur · 14/08/2025 22:33

I would be very concerned. Believe your son.
How is your relationship with your ex?

Givemeanamethen · 14/08/2025 22:37

Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:30

I think that is what I’m afraid of most, I didn’t really want to include it in the post so it was non biased I guess but the man has bad history people tell me he is an alcoholic and a class a drug user and there’s other stuff even worse I can’t really even post

There is zero chance I’d be sending him back. Contact social services.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 14/08/2025 22:40

Also, does he attend childcare /nursery /preschool over the summer or is he just with you or mum until September?? I only ask as they may have noted changes in him too, or be able to keep an eye.

Personally I think I'd see what else comes up Friday and Saturday, and would potentially phone the safeguarding duty team / ehash on Sunday for advice. If there is no court order in place currently you are legally allowed to not return him home if you are concerned for his safety. You could get some free legal advice tomorrow if you can do so out of earshot of your son.

And yes that would have been a leading question. Have a google and learn about which sorts of questions are leading and which aren't. I think that would be helpful for you in the next 48 hours.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 14/08/2025 22:41

If he has a bad history he may already be known to the police and social services. Do you know if he has any children of his own?

caramac04 · 14/08/2025 22:47

His history alone would warn me he is not safe to be around my child. I would be contacting social care and instigating Clare’s Law in case your ex is also in danger.
I would not let him go back without absolute guarantees my dc would be safe.
Lots of children are harmed by men who are not their father but in a relationship with the mother.

Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:51

One child of his own, in his 20s who doesn’t get along with his father

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:52

We broke up last year because she kept kicking me out and it was very bad for the kids , she is very toxic towards me she try’s to come round when she’s had a drink she tried last weekend

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 14/08/2025 23:11

Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 22:52

We broke up last year because she kept kicking me out and it was very bad for the kids , she is very toxic towards me she try’s to come round when she’s had a drink she tried last weekend

There’s more than one child in her home?

Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 23:23

I will have a look into that thanks. I have a paid mckenzie friend, slightly cheaper than solicitor but there’s no court order in place

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 14/08/2025 23:23

She has two other children to different fathers

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 14/08/2025 23:28

Please follow up on this. Your DC is telling you. But those other two kids may not feel able to tell anyone. I am assuming they are older?

thrive25 · 15/08/2025 07:30

So many red flags it’s a parade: keep your son with you and take legal advice

prepare to be a FT parent as your child’s mother seems to be very volatile and not protecting him

you are also acting in the best interests of the other child by raising concerns: so many children are hurt by non related adults who are involved with their parents

LadybugsAndSunshine · 15/08/2025 09:15

Reading your updates and 100% do not send your son back to that house.
How long has your ex been with this man? Is she aware of his past use of drugs and is he still an alcoholic?
Report to social services
I know someone who had similar concerns about his ex and boyfriend and social services told him, we can’t outright say to not give the child back but we can tell you that it is your responsibility to safeguard your child, he kept his daughter with him, it went to court and he got full custody. She is allowed supervised visits.
Also phone your local police station and ask to speak to an officer to report and get advice.

RimTimTagiDim · 15/08/2025 09:17

Don't question him any more. Speak to social services and they will hopefully organise an ABE interview.

Timetoheal4good · 17/08/2025 21:21

Contact social services and take their immediate advice. It's your responsibility as a parent. Believe your child first and foremost and do not return your son until this has been resolved. Your DS Mother should understand this.

Original poster
Anonymous12111 · 18/08/2025 01:55

She has just been in a car crash the man was driving drunk

OP posts:
BondAway25 · 18/08/2025 02:02

Anonymous12111 · 18/08/2025 01:55

She has just been in a car crash the man was driving drunk

Is she hurt?

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