Inheritance one

[Lifeisbusyy]

Would love some unbiased opinions.

DH has 3 kids - DSD 17, and then our 2 DDs who are 7 and 5.

DH & I set up a business. After a couple of years, I left as it was too much mixing work and family. He continues to run the business (which he can only do the extent he does as my job is super flexible and so I pick up basically all of the household and children’s stuff).

The capital he has used to keep it going, is capital we raised together.

It looks like things might be taking off, making the business worth a lot more.

Not uber rich level, but very comfortable. For context - what we raised together was about the same, and he’s basically burnt through all of it. When I left I didn’t give up my shares either. Just a salary etc as working elsewhere.

We agreed inheritance wise, our 2 receive my 50% of what we own, whereas his DD and our 2 receive his 50%.

There are a few separate assets so it’s not exact but it’d be of overall assets approx
DSD 17%
DD7 17% + 25%
DD5 17% + 25%
(rounded for ease)

He has slightly more assets than I do at present, and will likely inherit a few hundred K when his parents pass (I won’t inherit a thing), so the ‘17%’ will be worth more as it’s from his share if you see what I mean.

This weekend, he basically implied that it wasn’t fair anymore as if the business does what’s projected, he’s made more money and so essentially the kids should get equal splits. Essentially saying I’ve contributed / earned nothing, which just isn’t true. I was integral to the original raise that even allowed the business to run for this long. DSD also has her own mum and family to inherit from.

WWYD?

I think it's different at the moment especially as yours are so young and SD is nearly an adult. I would feel it should be split as you said if both of you passed now and then when yours are adults you can discuss again. You might find them you want it all split equal, you might want to include grandkids etc. I would probably work the will now based on age and need and go from there.
But one thing I'd be discussing straight away is how your husband views your contribution to the family and business because it comes across that he sees you less than

I agree with your split - DDs get your 50% between them. DDs and DSD get his 50% between them. This means that DSD gets an equal share of her father’s assets as her half siblings. And your children get equal shares from each parent.

DSD may inherit from her own mother. If her own mother has no assets that’s nothing to do with you. You may choose to give her some of your half but you shouldn’t feel obliged.

The real concern here is the legal paperwork around the business. Is that as it should be to reflect this division?

And do you have wills which support this?

Your DH is being unreasonable.

Business should be 50/50 as you are married and also set it up together and worked on it together etc

@MeridianB well this is it. She does ‘benefit’ from me day to day in terms of housing, treats, holidays birthday Christmas etc I treat all 3 the same in that instance and DH and I just split 50/50 for the ‘children of the family’ but with inheritance I do feel like what I earn should go to my two.

Some of it perhaps comes from the fact my parents had/have (one died, one alive) no assets/don’t own homes etc and just how nice it would be to be able to give something to my own daughters that I never had.

@Nearly50omg yes I agree but not going to happen unfortunately.

DSD has had other benefits also - for example DHs grandparents died and left a chunk to DSD for when she is 21. Our DDs were baby/toddler and as such the will (although intended) wasn’t updated before they sadly died.

We have a similar but opposite (ish) situation.

We have an agreed split of our assets (which keeps changing to be honest, as the assets change) but essentially, I will leave 50/50 to my children and he will leave 100% to our daughter. We are both in agreement with this - similar to you my other child has another side of the family to inherit from.

Technically you own 50% of everything as you are married. You leave your 50% to your two daughters and he leaves 50% to his three daughters. Simple.

Sorry but if someone says that context is immaterial, I think that is quite a silly position to take. That's not a personal comment it's a perspective.

The way it's set up now is what's right. His share is split between his 3 children, and your share is split between your 2 children. It isn't your responsibility to provide inheritance for someone else's children.

DH should then have separated the inheritance into 3 as he knew that was what the grandparents wanted! The fact he hadn’t shows more about what he feels than anything

To be fair, it would have been illegal of the DH to commandeer (steal!) his child’s inheritance to give to his other children. The fault lies with the way the will was written.
Our DC are not named in our wills as they weren’t born when they were written (I was pregnant with DC1 at the time) , however they are covered as is it was written to include all of our children equally (and also grandchildren in the event an adult child predeceases us) who are born at the time of our deaths.
If the GPs have simply written their will to say “100k goes to Childs Name” or “house goes to Childs Name” or whatever, then that’s exactly what had to happen legally.

Just wondering what you ended up deciding to do with wills?

I am in a similar situation and would like to do what you proposed. I think my DH would like to split everything we own together equally.

OP, I don’t entirely understand why you are not simply dividing any inheritance between your three children. To me, once you are married, you have both chucked everything into the pot, so three children means a third each in inheritance terms.

Because the step child won’t be sharing any of her inheritance from her side will she?! The step child isn’t op’s and op’s 50% of the business is her to do with what she wants. At this moment though I’d be getting a lawyer involved to make sure your dh isn’t up to something as it sounds like he’s trying to cut you out of the business !

He has 3 kids, he needs to treat them all equally.

And OP only has 2 kids.

I don't understand this fixation with no step-kids ever getting inheritance.

Our family money is probably about 80% from me in terms of who brought what into the marriage and earnings. I would really struggle to justify cutting my step-daughter out who I've known since she was 3 and has lived with me since 5. My inheritance will be split 50-50 between her and my biological daughter.

Wills and inheritance and the feeling of unfairness after you're dead is never going to go away - and you're not going to be around to answer the questions. Don't you want all your (and your husband's) children to have as good a relationship as possible after your gone? To be friends? To remember you fondly? To meet up and continue to be a family? Is it really worth putting that at risk by arguing over who gets this percentage or that and why?

It’s not that hard to understand, if you try.
Equal to one person could mean “every child gets to inherit from their two biological parents, equal to the other biological children of that parent”. But this means a step child doesn’t get an inheritance from a step parent, so its unequal.
Equal to another person could mean “every child of a couple gets to inherit an equal share of the collective wealth of that couple”. But this could mean a step child gets to inherit from potentially 4 parental figures, while another child in the same family only gets to inherit from 2 parents. So that’s unequal too.
It really comes down to the individual relationships. I’ve never lived with my step child full time so will have a different relationship than you with yours.
If my DSD fell out with her (half) siblings because their mother didn’t give her an equal share of her estate, I’d be very disappointed in her and think my kids were better off without her in their lives to be honest.

Will everything go to DC on the first death or will it pass to the surviving spouse first?

If so it's all immaterial because either of you can change their will once the other has died.

Personally, as DSD was part of your family when all the factors you explain as your contribution took place, I think it should all be split 3 ways.

The problem is that step kids would get to inherit from multiple families in this situation. I am inheriting very little compared to my half siblings, however if both other parents had included me equally I would be inheriting 2x more than any of them.

Which would be ridiculous, as my actual parents didn't bring any money to either relationship.

To make it simple, look at it this way. Suppose my penniless parents each then went on to marry someone who for the sake of simplicity each had 2 million to leave, and had a child each with the new partner. If each couple had included me in their inheritance on an equal basis to their bio child, I would get 2 million, each of my half siblings would get 1.

If they split it so that the bio parent left 1m to their dc and my parents split the other million between their two dc, my step siblings would get 1.5m (1m from their other parent, 500k from our joint parent) and I would get 1m (500k from each of my parents). Which seems much more reasonable given the assets did not come from my parents.

(to make it clear these are all made up numbers)

For what is worth OP I think that the original calculation is the fairest given the circumstances. It isn’t ideal but no solution is ideal. I do think that if the business takes off and the amount is very material, you might revise so the difference is not so vast whilst acknowledging your children get more.

It’s very difficult- my oldest daughter is a millionaire ( father deceased - she received the whole of grandparents estate). My youngest will not inherit anything much worth speaking of in comparison- Sad but, it is what it is

Blended families can be incredibly tricky.

I understand why you'd want to leave your share to your biological children, but in your husband's shoes, I'd change how I distributed my own share so they all inherited the same (especially as your shared dc are already benefiting from living with both their parents).

This is such a strange logic - to deliberately treat your own children differently just because someone who isn’t their parent didn’t treat one the same as her own child. Wild.