Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Room sharing

25 replies

DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 20:51

Hello everyone I’m in a bit of a dilemma my husband and I have kids from a previous relationship they are both five years old mine is a boy and his a girl.
we are looking to buy a two bedroom condo one room for us the other for “the kids” now she only comes every other Sunday and doesn’t sleep over so I feel like the room should be my sons and of course have space for her as well but I want it to mainly be his since he’s with us full time. Is that wrong of me ? We talked about splitting the room but the more I think of it I feel like it wouldn’t be fair since she doesn’t even stay with us a whole weekend. Also I missed to mention I feel like this would be an emotional toll on my son because it will be a constant reminder of her and he gets very sad that she’s not with us more often like he gets VERY sad and cries.
Help what should I do?

OP posts:
AlwaysBelieveTheEx · 04/08/2025 20:53

Why does his dd not stay over?

Silverbirchleaf · 04/08/2025 20:54

The bedroom should be your son as he sleeps there.

Could your do have her own play box with her toys in it?

BoredZelda · 04/08/2025 20:55

A child who doesn’t stay over doesn’t need a room, surely?

StrawberryCranberry · 04/08/2025 20:56

She doesn't need a bedroom if she doesn't stay overnight. But why doesn't she stay overnight?

Wolfpa · 04/08/2025 20:57

Why doesn’t she sleep over? Do you and your DH have plans for her to stay over in the future? What will happen if she starts to stay over?

Ponderingwindow · 04/08/2025 21:00

Her father should not be moving into a house that does not have a dedicated bed for her. If he can’t provide a bed, the home isn’t appropriate and you need to keep looking. It’s his daughters home too, even if he does a poor job parenting by having her so little.

WouldYouEatThemWithAFox · 04/08/2025 21:26

Ponderingwindow · 04/08/2025 21:00

Her father should not be moving into a house that does not have a dedicated bed for her. If he can’t provide a bed, the home isn’t appropriate and you need to keep looking. It’s his daughters home too, even if he does a poor job parenting by having her so little.

I agree. He needs to make sure she does have a bedroom because presumably she doesn’t want to stay over at the moment but surely he he hopes she will want to at some point and he won’t want there to be no bedroom for her.

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/08/2025 21:28

They won't be 5yo for ever. Two unrelated children of opposite sex will need separate bedrooms within a few years.

Original poster
DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 21:31

Yes we buy her stuff but most of it goes back home with her. But we also do have things we keep at home for her. Most of the time she’s over we go out and do something fun so we’re never really at home with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 21:36

We use to have her Friday-Sunday but when my husband and I got married her mom was mad that we didn’t take her calls when she demanded on the day of our wedding and stop letting her stay. We have tried to convince her to stay but she doesn’t want to and we have no idea why because before she would always want to stay longer than three days. One weekend she will tell us she wants to stay over and the next weekend she says she change her mind. There’s a lot to this story that her mom has done and said that I believe influence her not wanting to.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 21:38

I didn’t say there will be no bed for her I just said the room should mainly be my sons since he’s there full time and she’s not also when she’s there we are 9/10 not home we tried to do fun things with her. When we do have her

OP posts:
Original poster
DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 21:52

Totally agree this is more of an investment situation we are going to buy live in it for a year or two and then rent it out. So we can get a bigger place and they can both have either own room

OP posts:
SeagullFreeZone · 04/08/2025 21:57

Has your dh been to court to get contact formalised?

Original poster
DaringHiker · 04/08/2025 22:05

Wolfpa · 04/08/2025 20:57

Why doesn’t she sleep over? Do you and your DH have plans for her to stay over in the future? What will happen if she starts to stay over?

If she does stay there will be a bed for her idk if we’ll get a bunk bed or roll out bed because I am also trying to keep my son in mind he’s a very emotional kid and a constant reminder of her absence does affect him greatly. He often looks at pictures of her and just sits there sad and crying missing her. Just this Sunday he was crying at church saying he doesn’t want to go if she’s not there.

OP posts:
WouldYouEatThemWithAFox · 05/08/2025 16:26

That’s a separate issue though. Not providing a bedroom for your child because it might upset someone else’s child is not good enough

I don’t understand how today, you can’t but a three bedroom house, which is what you need but in a couple of years you will be able to afford that without selling this house.

Original poster
DaringHiker · 05/08/2025 19:43

WouldYouEatThemWithAFox · 05/08/2025 16:26

That’s a separate issue though. Not providing a bedroom for your child because it might upset someone else’s child is not good enough

I don’t understand how today, you can’t but a three bedroom house, which is what you need but in a couple of years you will be able to afford that without selling this house.

here in California everything is expensive and by having passive income it will allow us to afford something bigger. We live in the new place for a year or two refinance it and rent it out.

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 05/08/2025 20:01

If she doesn't sleepover then she doesn't need a room but why is she not sleeping over?

Your husband should be working towards increasing contact and that's not going to go down well in a court if he isn't providing a bedroom for her.

WouldYouEatThemWithAFox · 05/08/2025 20:40

DaringHiker · 05/08/2025 19:43

here in California everything is expensive and by having passive income it will allow us to afford something bigger. We live in the new place for a year or two refinance it and rent it out.

Show quote history

But your son is going to be upset because he’s very emotional and her constant absence upsets him and your husband’s daughter is not going to have a bedroom.

It just seems like a not so brilliant plan all round.

Original poster
DaringHiker · 05/08/2025 23:51

we always ask to have her if her mom has plans but the mom says no and my husband would go see her during the weekdays pick her up from day care take her to get food take her home because her mom didn’t allow him to bring her back to our home but now they moved without telling us and they are almost an hour away. We did take her school shopping and we make sure to buy her what she needs. We did talk about splitting the room, but then I realize that we don’t have her that often and when she is there, we’re always out taking them somewhere to have fun so she never really even makes it to the room. He also does call her sometimes she could talk other times she can’t. The goal is to give both kids their own room and to work on having her with us more

OP posts:
1willgetthere · 11/08/2025 02:03

I would have 2 beds in there and paint the walls a neutral cream colour (which will be best if you are going to rent it out anyway) then add a load of wall stickers in various themes so some what your son would like and some your SD would like and lots of cartoons they both like. I think if you do the room he likely won't question why there are 2 beds and if he does just say it's how the house came with 2 beds. I think your overthinking it.

Mantii24 · 11/08/2025 06:45

i would get a single bed for your son with a pull out bed underneath so if she decides she wants to stay then she will feel welcome

PurpleThistle7 · 11/08/2025 07:10

I would 100% have it set up for her so she knows she’s always welcome. Just put two beds in and decorate it as the person above said - neutral walls and stickers. And go to court and get proper contact, this is not ideal and is damaging for this poor girl.

beachcitygirl · 13/09/2025 03:52

Your partner is pathetic.

Rtmhwales · 13/09/2025 04:03

You’re in California. California favors shared parenting. Your husband should apply for some overnights with his daughter and form a solid bond. Get bunk beds if you need to for the children.

user1492757084 · 14/09/2025 11:06

They are five. Have a bunk bed with two drawers underneath.

Top bunk is for DSD so DS doesn't obviously see her bed as it is high up.
Choose one of the drawers to be where DSD keeps her things.

Would your DS feel special and useful looking out for his step-sister's things in her drawer while she is gone?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread