I'm looking for some perspective and support regarding my relationship with my stepson and the communication boundaries with his mum (my husband’s ex).
Here’s the situation:
My husband has a son from a previous relationship. I’ve been a part of the child’s life for a while now and have developed a positive relationship with him. I try to be supportive, respectful of their co-parenting arrangement, and act with kindness.
Recently, my stepson has been unwell while staying with us. I messaged him just to say I hope he’s feeling better and to remind him of when I was due to pick him up next—nothing heavy or emotional, just gentle and caring. I’ve only ever contacted him about things relevant to his wellbeing or practical plans.
However, his mum messaged me saying that I’m overstepping and confusing him, and she told me I’m not to contact him again. I’m trying to respect boundaries, but it’s hard because I’ve genuinely bonded with him, and he sees me as part of his family. He’s even told me that he gets upset when his mum blocks me or prevents him from seeing or speaking with his dad. He doesn’t understand why—he says “we are family” and that it makes him sad.
I want to do what’s best for him and not cause any more tension. But I’m struggling with this. Am I in the wrong for trying to maintain a small, caring connection with my stepson? I’m not trying to interfere with parenting—I just care about him and want him to know he’s supported on both sides.