Step parents Just be a doormat from Bella magazine

[JenniferBooth]

I cant post the whole article but anyone with a Readly account may be able to find it. Someone wrote in about her partner and his ex cornering her to do childcare for their eight year old and the answer from this "counsellor" was basically emotional blackmail using the "poor kid no one wants him" angle and that the writer of the letter should step up and get on with it. Unbelievable!

https://www.zinio.com/gb/article/bella/15-july-2025-i692211/dear-kate-a30

I have managed to screenshot it. But it may take a while for the review.

The answer should be “poor kid no one wants him” but the ‘no one’ is his parents! Not the SM.

Oh thank you

I've always found the attitude that step mothers must fill any gaps in parenting without complaint for sake of the child very troubling.

I missed the beginning of the question when I posted.

I am very much divided on this one. I don’t like the answer from the agony aunt almost guilt tripping the step mum. I don’t like the way the partner and ex have ganged up on the step mum.
I could imagine keeping a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old amused all day is quite tough as they have different interests too.
I have offered to look after my DP‘s children next week so he can work, but there’s a different story behind that one and the mother is not in the picture at the moment.

I don’t see the problem. My husband looked after my children, his step children, plenty of times, because he wasn’t selfish and it worked well for our family.

Maybe you don't see the problem because you are the problem.

I have offered to look after my DP‘s children next week so he can work,

The key word here is offered.
And it looks like it's just a week.

There's a huge difference between offering or helping out in a genuine emergency and the parents not bothering to arrange anything on the assumption that the step mum will just drop anything she has planned to be a free childcare provider.

Yanbu. Step-parents shouldn’t have to fill in the gaps of parents. Especially when they are not allowed to have any say in discipline, how they are brought up etc.

Hopefully this was made up for Bella. Can’t imagine anyone actually still writes into these things

Total bullshit, but sadly seems reality.
It is why so many men very quickly line up a solvent women with low self esteem to do the parenting that they want to avoid.

From what I can read their loyalty is always to the ex partner and using their girlfriend as free childcare for the both.

Total mugs game.

My friends daughter was a teacher and the first summer they moved in together, he assumed she would be around to support them during the holidays.
She had made holiday arrangements and told him she wouldn't be around at all.
He was genuinely shocked, and pissed off.

It was the wake up call she needed.
She went away for the summer and moved back out again.
She had zero interest in having children in her late 20's nor being free childcare for anyone.
She had been very clear on the children point but apparently he thought she'd still be up for free childcare.

It was a useful experience for her and will no longer be open to men with young children.

Not being willing to be a doormat and look after someone’s else’s children for free does not make you selfish.

I think that was a possibility too. But the more women see it the more likely it is they will decide not to date a man with kids or at least be more aware of the misogynistic expectations