I’ve lived in my home for 18 years and have two teenage daughters of my own. Around three years ago, I met my partner and we’ve been building a life together since. He has a 13-year-old daughter who doesn’t live with us but has a room here that I decorated to make her feel welcome when she stays over.
To be honest, it’s been really tough. She can be very challenging – regularly breaking house rules, not coming in on time, swearing at her dad, and generally refusing to engage. We have also suspected she is stealing from us but haven’t had proof. I’ve tried to let her dad deal with things to avoid conflict, but I’ve stepped in a couple of times when it crossed the line, especially when she’s been swearing at her Dad.
She also has a difficult relationship with her mum and has often called her dad to collect her after arguments at home. We’ve tried to be supportive and have included her in holidays and family life, but it's been incredibly draining. She often refuses to get out of bed, joins in with nothing, and sulks or creates tension if plans aren’t exactly what she wants.
The final straw for me came in March. She came home late again, and after being told off and having her phone taken as a consequence, she left the next day — but not before causing serious damage to the room. She stabbed holes in the walls with a pen, ripped bedding, and damaged plaster. I was honestly devastated. This is my home, and I work hard to keep it nice. I felt so hurt and disrespected.
She denied everything at first and then just said she wouldn’t come back. My partner did try to speak to her — he told her he wanted to see her but that her behaviour needed to change. She didn’t reply. Since then, there’s been complete silence.
Her birthday is coming up soon and he plans to text her. She didn’t reach out for his birthday or Father’s Day.
I’m really torn — I don’t know what to hope for. I feel stuck between wanting things to be okay and fearing what it would be like if she came back and nothing has changed. I feel sick with the uncertainty. I’ve tried to be kind and patient, but I don’t know how to protect my home and my own children from being dragged into this tension.
Has anyone been through anything similar? I’d be grateful for any advice or perspective.