How do I support my DP with discipline?

[funnykc]

Hi,

OK - background first - DP has 3 DD's (7 and 4 yr old twins) and I have 1 DS (5) both from previous marriages. I have firm views on discipline especially with regards to respect and manners. DP only gets to see his DD's at weekends and they stay with him for one night only during this time. So needless to say his time with them is precious and rightly so. My DS lives with me.

Anyway, his DD's behaviour in my opinion is not good - it is everything from screaming tantrums, 'i hate you', breaking things, physical fights with each other and hitting DP if they don't get their own way.

He has tried to discuss their behaviour with his ex wife and responses he gets are 'they are only kids', 'I just let them get on with it' So I believe that they are not really given any ground rules or boundries at home.

DP wants to introduce some form of discipline and I feel that he needs to decide for himself how he wants to do this.

But I know he needs my support so was looking for some guidance on some ways to do this.

Thanks for putting up with the long post.

Cheers xx

My DDs live with me and go to their Dad every other weekend. We have different rules and I don't think will ever agree on discipline. Sorry but I am with your DPs exP - they are only kids. My DDs are now 12 and 8 and are fully aware they have different rules when they are with their Dad and step mum who is very strict.

Good luck with the ground rules - 4 is a little young if they haven't had any before.

Sorry that sounded a bit strange after reading it again!

DD2 was only 3 when exH left and really doesn't like going to them even now because they are so strict.

I just wanted to tell you that so you didn't get into that situation if at all possible

Thanks Skytvaddict - that one situation I want to avoid. Plus DP doesn't want to be spending what small amount of time he does have with them dealing with discipline. I know they are young and my DS is no angel by any means but he would never hit me in anger. So I suppose I know that this isn't going to be easy.

Cheers xx

Hi, I think kids are fine with having two different sets of rules at different houses as long as they're fair and consistently applied.

I appreciate SKYTV's point but the opposite danger is not having enough discipline because the non resident parent is too worried about becoming unpopular when they have the children. That old cheshnut of a happy medium!!

You sound spot on - it's your DH's decision on what standards he wants. As a step parent myself, I'd suggest you take a back seat in this and let him take the lead in dealing with his DDs.

Sorry to not offer more advice - good luck!