Ambushed with holiday!

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Writing this quickly as I'm trying to support DH.
SD is 8. Spends half of all holidays with dad and every other weekend plus a night in the week. Mum and dad only dating. No living together (just preempting the usual!) split (her choice) before SD born. I've been with DH since SD was 7 months.
Always been incredibly difficult. She wanted a baby, wasn't interested in having an involved dad. He spent the first 5 years in family court. Last 3 years have been better. She is still difficult, but an improvement on her previous behaviour.
One of the ongoing issues is her trying to monopolise holiday time. It's a 50/50 split, and no matter what, she always attempts to have it in her favour.
Tomorrow is half term, and poor DH has just been told that grandparents want to take her on holiday (they took her in the last May half term too). SD has 2 weeks at May, so mum has her 8 days and so does DH. The 8 days with mum aren't enough for them to organise it in. So instead they ring him telling him that they want her back Wednesday instead of Saturday tea time. Vague promises to make the time up elsewhere (never ever happens, always an excuse). DH said no, too last minute, we have plans etc. He then gets a voicemail of his crying and screaming child, saying how awful he is etc etc. Then her mum, and her grandad all kicking off.
Wtf!!! Who even does that? I don't even know what to say to DH right now. He is being held completely hostage. Sd should never have been told any of this! Just....... 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Help!

Start keeping records of that type of thing, record phonecalls or refuse to talk on the phone and only correspond in writing.

What a nightmare! With a bit more notice DH could have had her during mum's time to balance it out but I can understand that's not possible this last minute.

I'm sorry they've put you both in such an impossible situation.

That sucks, I’m really sorry.

He's recording the phone calls this evening. He tries to keep all discussions to text but she hates it and always tries to make it in to discussions when he is at pick up. It's just so bloody tiresome.

Unfortunately DH only has the one week in May, so there is no option to swap (teacher) but mum works in her school so is off the same 2 weeks and grandparents are retired. It's totally unnecessary for them to go when they are!

Is there a court order in place?

Yes. The order is half of all holidays. But ita incredibly difficult to enforce when you are trying to not completely destroy the (barely there) co-parenting relationship. He'd look petty going back to court I expect. He has previously sought enforcement.

They are being absolute sh*ts and I’m sorry this is happening to you.

I completely understand not wanting to rock the boat too much if you’ve all been through the heartache, and expense, of court - however they are being very unfair.

Personally, I wouldn’t budge on this one, but make sure you DO have some decent exciting plans to do fun stuff together that she’ll be excited for.

Go back to Court - if she isn't adhering to it, she's in breach. The co-parenting relationship is toxic already. She's manipulating him through their child and then having inappropriate conversations with her. The damage is already done.

Go back to Court.

My DH has in his parenting plan that any requests to change the schedule need to made with 4 weeks notice and a plan for making up the time. The parent who's time is being affected gets final say on whether the schedule change goes ahead.

I wish courts had a better understanding that vague statements such as "holidays to be split" are not helpful and can be abused.

The landscape is entirely changed by the fact your DH is a teacher and therefore has a solid crossover of time off between him and his daughter.

If he wasn’t a teacher, this holiday might well make life easier for him, as it does many parents with non term time jobs. It’s extraordinarily unfair for them to expect him to just give up time with his daughter and borderline abusive for them to involve her in the way they have.

The co-parenting relationship isn’t working, he needs to take it back to court.

I think the issue is that his daughter wants to go on holiday & so whether or not it’s during the allocated contact time or not is irrelevant. If she is told she can’t go & has to spend time with her Dad then she will just be upset that she loses out on what she wants to do. So I doubt she would be up for whatever her Dad decides to do as it won’t be the holiday.
I can see that it’s difficult for him. Could he take her in the 6 weeks away somewhere?