Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Advice needed

12 replies

Masem · 26/04/2025 15:17

Hi, so I’ve been married 7 years and my stepson who is nearly 11 won’t come all of an sudden unless he sleeps with my nearly 14 year old son. Both have their own rooms and both get on to a degree. Here’s the issue, my husband thinks we should just make my son do it which my son doesn’t want to. The stepson wakes in the night and wakes up at 5am my son gets tired and irritated with this and said he doesn’t mind him being there sometimes but not everytime. Which I respect. My step son arranged to come this weekend and sleep in his own room which is as nice as my sons and then cancelled last minute because he wants to go to his nans. My husband obviously wants to see him but he won’t sleep unless we give in which is disrespectful to my son whose here full time and is of an age where he doesn’t want to share all the time. I’ve suggested maybe making him sleep in his own room next time and if he doesn’t wake us up in the night (6/7 times) moaning he’s hungry or bored (which he does) then we will reward it the following time. He thinks I’m just saying he shouldn’t come. Now when he does come I am the one that’s up with him in the night. My children sleep through and I think my husband needs to show him that he is at our home and needs to respect our rules. Unfortunately he disagrees and says we should do what he asks so he sees him. When he’s here he sits on his phone and they barely communicate. He just wants to play video games with my son. And my husband is very much the same sits on his phone! Now my argument is that he’s letting him call the shots I understand he wants to see him but he won’t help when he is here and he is hard work I love him but he is rude disrespectful wipes boogers on walls. He constantly demands more and more food! He has 3 meals a day and straight after he’s demanding more he gets aggressive he kicks he screams until he’s told yes and then it’s like nothing happened ( I’ve tried asking them to take him to the doctor as I do think he has underlying medical needs) my husband doesn’t react. I’m the one with him all the time. Am I correct in thinking he should stick to a routine and my husband should be encouraging it. Or any other advice would be helpful.

OP posts:
evrey · 26/04/2025 15:23

I think if this was a full sibling thing and not a step sibling thing, then people would be quite rightly saying you need to put your foot down and say no! you cannot sleep in with ds14 you keep him awake, he is older and needs his privacy etc.
However because it is a step child you will be told you arnt making him feel welcome etc. Step mums get a raw deal sadly.

ByLemonFish · 26/04/2025 15:25

Has he said why he wants to sleep with ds14?

EG94 · 26/04/2025 17:34

Child follows the rules end off and your husband if he were mine would be giving me the ick as he’s so reluctant to discipline his child. As for kicking off and giving in, not a chance in hell would I stand for that

nopineapplepizza · 26/04/2025 18:25

Why doesn’t your DH offer to sleep in the same bed as his son if that’s what he’s needs to sleep?

Then he won’t be waking you up and your DH gets to spend time with his boy.

lunar1 · 26/04/2025 19:39

So your husband is passing on his parenting responsibilities to you and your DS? I can really see how that’s attractive

Namerequired · 27/04/2025 00:46

That’s really unfair on your son. Also unfair on you, but you have a choice. Why are you the one up with him?
If he really needs someone to sleep with him, and your husband thinks that’s the way forward, then it needs to be him doing it. He sleeps with him, he gets up with him, he feeds him and deals with him.

Charliecatpaws · 27/04/2025 01:08

Why is you Dss waking up 6/7 times night and more importantly why are you dealing with this not his DF?

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 28/04/2025 09:42

Never mind showing the child the rules and focus on showing your husband the rules. He should be the one sucking up the consequences of his own parenting decisions, not you.
My DSD was a bit like this until a similar age and zero times was I the one who actually had to deal with her. I set out from the start that I’d not be getting involved so it was never an expectation.
Time for a reset, with your DS so far down the list that he’s not even on it of people who should have to accommodate or pander to this behaviour.

Seventree · 28/04/2025 09:45

Something is clearly wrong if he won't sleep alone (especially if he's also waking multiple times a night). That's not your son's responsibility though. Why doesn't his dad offer to sleep in his room with him until he feels more comfortable?

KrackerPolly · 28/04/2025 10:52

nopineapplepizza · 26/04/2025 18:25

Why doesn’t your DH offer to sleep in the same bed as his son if that’s what he’s needs to sleep?

Then he won’t be waking you up and your DH gets to spend time with his boy.

This!

I wouldn’t stand for this OP! It’s not your son’s responsibility to parent his annoying step-brother.

Amateurs10 · 28/04/2025 23:35

Your poor children.
Why have you inflicted this lazy selfish shit father on YOUR children.
He has no interest in his son.
He wants you to parent his feral child.

Now he doesn't care if your son sleeps or has the privacy of his own room.
Unbelievable that you would accept your childs basic privacy being violated like this.

Neither of you sound like great parents.
Neither of you are parenting and doing right by your own children.

Stop parenting his child and look after your own children.
Protect your son.
His bedroom is for HIS use alone.

This is a toxic relationship for your children.
Rethink it.
Good luck.

Pootletoo · 30/04/2025 10:50

Amateurs10 · 28/04/2025 23:35

Your poor children.
Why have you inflicted this lazy selfish shit father on YOUR children.
He has no interest in his son.
He wants you to parent his feral child.

Now he doesn't care if your son sleeps or has the privacy of his own room.
Unbelievable that you would accept your childs basic privacy being violated like this.

Neither of you sound like great parents.
Neither of you are parenting and doing right by your own children.

Stop parenting his child and look after your own children.
Protect your son.
His bedroom is for HIS use alone.

This is a toxic relationship for your children.
Rethink it.
Good luck.

Bingo!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page