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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Weird one.

14 replies

beachcitygirl · 26/04/2025 04:04

Ok. My partner divorced his ex over 30 years ago. (She had an affair) all remains civil. They have 3 kids. We’ve been together 10 years. His niece (his sister daughter) getting married this year. His ex wife been invited, I feel huffy about this ( of course his adult kids and their partners and kids invited, so ill
be expected to sit with them all. He’s older (considerably) than me as is she. I just feel crap and will be the “add on “
AITA for thinking she shouldn’t have been invited. They’re my family and in laws now, not hers. ?

OP posts:
Never2many · 26/04/2025 04:23

The relationship ended 30 years ago.

The children are the nieces’ cousins and by extension they have likely all continued a relationship with the ex wife, and such she has been invited.

People have a weird sense of entitlement when it comes to divorce. When married they expect the partner to be accepted as family, to form individual relationships with their family members in fact, and then as soon as they divorce they expect the family to automatically sever those relationships when those relationships have been formed independently and often with a link to the children in question.

I have an excellent relationship with my ILs, in fact it was mostly me facilitating contact with the DC, and just because DC are now adults doesn’t mean that relationship has ended - we are independent of my ex, and as my MIL rightly says, we’re all adults.

Bearing in mind that relationship will have been ongoing for 20 years before you got together, it’s unreasonable to think that it should have been altered purely because you came on the scene.

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 04:27

His sister and his niece relationship with the ex is none of your business and they can invite who they want to the wedding

McSpoot · 26/04/2025 04:30

You are being unreasonable. You don’t own people - your husband’s niece obviously kept a relationship with aunt-by-marriage even after the divorce. Good for her, if that’s what she wants.

Kiwi83 · 26/04/2025 04:31

The bride will consider the ex as her aunt and has known her for decades. You obviously came into her life when she was much older. It's unreasonable to expect her not to invite her aunt because her uncle got a new partner 🤷‍♀️

Brutalist · 26/04/2025 05:20

It’s lovely they still have a relationship. I can only hope for the same when my STBX nieces and nephews get married.

Her wedding guest list shouldn’t be about you and who you have to sit with. Don’t go if you’d feel uncomfortable. You sound horribly entitled.

Joystir59 · 26/04/2025 05:47

I divorced my husband 25 years ago. His nieces and nephews still call me aunty and talk to me as openly as they did when we were together when we see each other at the big family events

CuriousGeorge80 · 26/04/2025 06:21

You are obviously being unreasonable. Suspect this isn’t a real post.

notsureyetcertain · 26/04/2025 06:37

Does she still have a relationship with her nieces and nephews? If to them she is an aunty still then of course she would be invited. Obviously you don’t have to go if you feel uncomfortable

LittleBigHead · 26/04/2025 06:57

YABU. She can invite whom she wishes. No-one's family is "yours" except your parents and siblings, ffs.

Marmaladelade · 26/04/2025 06:59

It is you who are making yourself the “odd one out”

just join in as part of the group like you are

nopineapplepizza · 26/04/2025 08:47

I think the fact that you’re “considerably younger” than your DP and his ex is what’s leading you to behave a bit childishly.

My DC, for example, are much closer to their aunt, despite her being divorced for a decade and my BIL on his 2nd marriage.

I don’t think they’d care particularly if they never saw BIL again, or his current wife, but they would miss their aunt as she’s been a constant in their lives.

Blood isn’t always thicker than water 🤷‍♀️

CinnamonBuns67 · 26/04/2025 10:25

Whilst I get why you feel awkward and uncomfortable having the ex at a family event. YABU because it's your husbands nieces wedding and she can invite who she wants. You don't have to speak to her/interact with her if you don't want to but you do have to suck it up that she's there. Good luck OP.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 26/04/2025 10:45

This event is not about you and what you want at all.

Go to it. Smile. Celebrate the niece. Be gracious. And stop being self obsessed.

Original poster
beachcitygirl · 26/04/2025 13:22

Fair enough. I did think I may be unreasonable to feel this way. I’m extremely close to his niece and sisters and i am delighted for her & she will never ever know how I feel. She hasn’t seen his ex wife for nearly 20 years and has only extended invite because she’s her cousins mum. Absolutely her choice. I’m younger than my other half but I’m not young and feelings are not actions. I would never (and have never ) been anything but lovely to my husband ex. It’s largely due to me that it’s all so civil.
I’m just feeling a bit low that I always tend to be sitting at events with him and his ex and their kids and grandkids. It’s not a great feeling and i was just venting a bit on here and wanting a bit of a handhold. But as you all agree, I’ll give myself a shake. X

OP posts:
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