Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

SD Clingy

11 replies

kel0812 · 02/04/2025 18:08

Hi everyone, after a bit of advice on how to (or if I even should) raise an issue with my partner. We have been together for 7 years, living together for 4. He has a daughter from a previous relationship (14) who lives with us full time. I have been becoming increasingly frustrated with her clingy behaviour around her dad recently. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable and need to suck it up or talk with him about it. When we are at home she doesn’t engage with her dad or me at all, I try to engage her with activities etc but she turns me down and I don’t feel I can really push it with her. She mostly spends her time in her room. Even at dinner etc she doesn’t really talk to her dad. However as soon as we are out she clings to him non stop- holding his hand constantly and will get upset if she is not sat next to him. If I manage to get close to him when we are walking she will budge her self between us or walk extremely closely behind him. I understand that she might be feeling insecure or jealous, and I have been hoping that it is something that she would grow out of, but she is showing no signs of this after 7 years, is becoming embarrassing as she is quite tall and looks older than her age, it looks odd her holding her dads hand and me trailing behind when we are out. I don’t know whether I should speak to my partner about this or just wait things out to see if she grows out of it over her teen years.

OP posts:

AmusedGoose · 02/04/2025 19:28

It's normal in the circumstances. Frankly I'd be reluctant to go out in these circumstances. She will grow out of it soon. She feels threatened by you. Maybe give them more time just the 2 of them.

MellowPinkDeer · 02/04/2025 21:43

Has he told her she is too old for holding his hand etc?

Buyingahouse2024 · 03/04/2025 07:44

Every situation is different but in my experience my DSD grew out of it when she started to take an interest properly in boys. It was actually at around 14 that she did. Although my situation was different in regards to she was the same at home wanting to sit on his lap etc. She's still quite loving and affectionate but that's just her nature always a hug hello and goodbye etc which I think is actually really lovely.

PollyHutchen · 03/04/2025 07:51

I'd speak to him. It isn't age appropriate behaviour on her part. Does she have friends of her own age and out of school activities?

Original poster

kel0812 · 03/04/2025 07:59

AmusedGoose · 02/04/2025 19:28

It's normal in the circumstances. Frankly I'd be reluctant to go out in these circumstances. She will grow out of it soon. She feels threatened by you. Maybe give them more time just the 2 of them.

Thanks, hopefully she does. I have suggested to my partner that he does more with her one on one - swimming, baking, going to get ice cream together etc. but he says that she doesn’t want to do these things, if it was up to me I would force her to come out- no debate!

OP posts:

Original poster

kel0812 · 03/04/2025 08:00

PollyHutchen · 03/04/2025 07:51

I'd speak to him. It isn't age appropriate behaviour on her part. Does she have friends of her own age and out of school activities?

Only one or two, she goes out with friends socially maybe once every couple of months

OP posts:

Original poster

kel0812 · 03/04/2025 08:02

MellowPinkDeer · 02/04/2025 21:43

Has he told her she is too old for holding his hand etc?

I've overheard him tell her to link his arm instead of hold his hand before but that doesn’t seem to have made a difference

OP posts:

MellowPinkDeer · 03/04/2025 08:11

kel0812 · 03/04/2025 08:02

I've overheard him tell her to link his arm instead of hold his hand before but that doesn’t seem to have made a difference

Show quote history

I feel like after 7 years he should be standing firmer with her.

SpringMonx · 03/04/2025 09:07

AmusedGoose · 02/04/2025 19:28

It's normal in the circumstances. Frankly I'd be reluctant to go out in these circumstances. She will grow out of it soon. She feels threatened by you. Maybe give them more time just the 2 of them.

It really isn't normal in these circumstances though, and I say that as a step daughter who wasn't like this with my own Dad growing up, nor is my 11 year old DSD like this with her Dad.

He needs to stand firmer with things like this as he's doing her no favours in the long run. He needs to have a bit of a chat with her as to why she's acting this way. 7 years is a long time!

GCornotGCthatisthequestion · 03/04/2025 17:02

AmusedGoose · 02/04/2025 19:28

It's normal in the circumstances. Frankly I'd be reluctant to go out in these circumstances. She will grow out of it soon. She feels threatened by you. Maybe give them more time just the 2 of them.

No it isn't. Don't be ridiculous.

BTTH · 04/04/2025 07:14

We had that at that age.

These days DSD (18) hangs out with me more. If there's a particularly nasty event with her Mum she'll cuddle in to him watching TV (or me if he's not about) but day to day she'll find me to tell me about school drama or show me the dress she's thinking about buying etc.

Whatever the reasons she lives with her Dad full time, there's a Mum shaped hole in her life she's trying to fill and her Dad is the obvious candidate to fill it.

I used to think she was too dependent on him, but given her other parent I could see why.

Now I think she will cope without us come September, but he'll be the one getting the sad homesick calls, I'll be getting texts asking how to use the tumble dryer in the laundrette, or if chicken dated last week is still safe to eat.

Give it time.

Flip