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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Why is this so hard

36 replies

kissmyfatass · 29/03/2025 12:24

Been a SM for about 10 years officially
it’s still bloody shit.
Its making me sad lonely and unheard in my own home
SS is an adult who does literally nothing and contributes nothing
I can’t deal with it anymore

OP posts:
Thatsenoughadulting · 29/03/2025 18:21

kissmyfatass · 29/03/2025 17:40

He’s 19 and works. He’s got plenty of free time but prefers to enjoy himself or relax rather than help out. DH does all his shit for him. I put him
up a meal but that’s it.

Oh I much prefer to relax and enjoy myself too but that's not the way the world works. Stop making his meals. It sounds like he has it made so no wonder he doesn't want to move out or step up. He has no incentive to.

grumpyoldeyeore · 29/03/2025 18:25

I think the lazing around and not doing much around the house is fairly normal for that age (walk into any uni accommodation and it’s disgusting) but you don’t have to cook for them or clean their clothes or pay their bills. Either they should cook some meals for everyone in return or they should just sort themselves out for food. They should be doing at least as much for themselves as if they were at uni.

Thatsenoughadulting · 29/03/2025 18:27

kissmyfatass · 29/03/2025 18:06

This is what I’m wondering. Is it a problem?
should I butt out and let him be useless for life if that what he wants. DH doesn’t mind doing everything for him but I think it’s insane and he needs to grow up

Show quote history

I don't think you should butt out because it is your business. It's your house and it'll be your house in ten years time when he's still living there because life's easy there.

One of the things I find really attractive about my DH is how great a parent he is. He's raised his sons well, taught them good work ethic, responsibility etc. He's raising them to be men, not overgrown boys. Your DHs attitude towards the whole situation would give me the ick a bit so I can see why it's bothering you.

altaego · 29/03/2025 18:31

Summedupnicely · 29/03/2025 18:17

The main problem here is your DH pandering to him. He's not helping his son.

and yes sadly this is the case, and i can assure you, this will never ever change. my SC are now adults well into their 30's and their dad STILL panders too them and treats them like 6 year old prince's. i have had to accept that this will never change.. ever... alas we are step mothers, we are pure evil, we are scum, we are the bringers of misery... accept it or leave those are the only 2 options.

DeepRoseFish · 29/03/2025 18:55

You are both enabling him. Why on earth are you cooking a meal for someone who doesn’t contribute to the household in any way shape or form???

And also how can you find your DH attractive?! Pandering to an adult child like that would give me the ick.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 29/03/2025 19:11

Do you enjoy living with the two men? Does the marriage improve your life?

Your husband is happy to treat his son like he's a toddler, so it's on you to change your life to what you want for your future.

Aligirlbear · 29/03/2025 21:34

kissmyfatass · 29/03/2025 15:38

Do people actually kick their kids out? Not sure that’s what happens.

What do other young adults contribute to the household. Not necessarily financially but chores and general attitude. I don’t want to be over reacting if it’s normal for a young male to do bugger all. I remember my brother did naff all either but I expect it

Yes parents do kick their kids out when there are attitude issues / lack of respect / lack of adult behaviour / lack of basic help with household chores. Your house / your rules and if the adult kids don’t respect these then they need to go out into the real world and learn how life really is.

My sister and BIL have just kicked their eldest out ( 23) because of poor attitude / lack of basic help with household chores , as has a friend of mine with her youngest (20). Both were so entitled and didn’t think it would really happen - and it has !

Original poster
kissmyfatass · 29/03/2025 22:36

Thank you all. Lots to think about here. He’s managed to wind me up massively this evening so I’m gunning for DH in the morning

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 31/03/2025 09:55

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 29/03/2025 16:45

His father must have at some point, removed his access to WiFi, stopped providing food and chores to the man? If not, he's allowing the freeloading.

Has he not given the man a date by which he'll need to be functional, or he'll need to house himself?

If you really want to stay married, focus on yourself and your happiness. Don't do any chores for the men, cultivate hobbies and friendships and enjoy life.

The problem is they will make the house filthy.

Original poster
kissmyfatass · 04/04/2025 13:24

So DH has spoken to him again and explained that housework is a shared responsibility abd his counter argument was we’re here more because we WFH. DH wasn’t having it and has told him he either helps out which is our preference or he pays rent.
since my OP DH has done all the cooking because I said I’m not doing it. I’ve had a great few days lol

OP posts:
curious79 · 04/04/2025 13:27

Sounds like you need to draw some red lines. No more washing and ironing of his stuff if he's not helping out or paying. No more eating from your friend

Your DH is an enabler

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