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Wanderingwonderer24 · 2025-03-19T01:06:00+00:00

Hello, so im looking for any advice i can use to help guide my wife to have atleast a friendship towards my daughter who is 5 yrs old. My wife has told me she cant accept her for many different reasons, this last time she mentioned its due to her choosing not to get pregnant again. She did have a rough pregnancy twice with hyperemesis gravidarum both pregnancies throught to whole thing so i understand why she doesnt want to go through with another one. My other two boys love their sister its just my wife. My wife isnt supportive of her and doesnt understand how a father plays a key role for his children. I hate walking on broken glass just to be a father. What should I do?

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lunar1 · 19/03/2025 02:49

Your daughter is 5, your wife either accepts her fully, immediately or you leave her.

her pregnancies have no relevance, is she one of those women obsessed with having a girl?

either way, your child deserves better, and you should certainly want better for your daughter! Are the sons your joint children?

TheMasterplan23 · 19/03/2025 05:20

You choose your child. Every single time.

Your daughter is 5. She needs love and stability. If your wife isn’t prepared to give her that, then the relationship is over.

Buttonknot · 19/03/2025 05:23

This is sad to read OP, your daughter is only 5. If your wife can't be kind to her then I can't see how this marriage is going to work.

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 19/03/2025 06:24

TheMasterplan23 · 19/03/2025 05:20

You choose your child. Every single time.

Your daughter is 5. She needs love and stability. If your wife isn’t prepared to give her that, then the relationship is over.

This. Your child is your priority, absolutely. If your wife cannot or will not accept her, you need to divorce asap.

Thatsenoughadulting · 19/03/2025 06:49

I suspect there's more to this than your wife just not accepting your daughter. She obviously knew you had a child when she chose to marry you and have 2 further children with you. If she had a problem with that then she shouldn't have continued the relationship.

I see often in this forum that SMs back away from a stepchild because of their behaviour or because of their father's failure to parent properly. Weekend Disney dad's who's little angels can do no wrong and SM is always the bad guy for pointing out any issues. I'm not saying this is the case there but I doubt she's married you had two kids with you then decided out of the blue she doesn't like your daughter.

SemperIdem · 19/03/2025 10:20

She doesn’t understand the role a father plays in a child’s life but has two children with you herself?

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/03/2025 10:26

You’ve had two children with a woman who hates your other child? Not the smartest move mate, but done now. You need to have some straight talking with your wife. She needs to shape up in her relationship with this poor child, or you need to ship out I’m afraid. There may be more to this than you are saying here - being a step mum isn’t easy - but none of your wife’s feelings are the fault of a five year old girl.

Hoardasurass · 19/03/2025 21:10

You need to divorce this woman before she causes irreversible damage to your poor little girl and believe me that she will

Original poster

Wanderingwonderer24 · 19/03/2025 23:36

I see alot of responses and appreciate all of them. My daughter isnt spoiled and is very well mannered and sweet. Like most children she has her moments but never enough to justify animosity. My wife at 1st participated and once she couldnt do anything but be bed rested she became more needy and not understanding she cant always be priority, she doesnt have anyone but me so thats why i try so hard to be there for her, But she told me she lied and didnt really want to be a mother for her which hurt me. My wife never spoke to anyone about her postpartum for either pregnancy and i fear she still suffers from it and still mentally messed up from the suffering she had to endure from the pregnancy. I dont need her to love her like its her own child but love her like a best friend, is that too much to ask?

OP posts:

MellowPinkDeer · 20/03/2025 07:34

Your daughter must have been very young when you moved on and had more kids with a women you clearly didn’t know that well? Why is everyone always in such a rush?!

lunar1 · 20/03/2025 07:42

Your child deserves so much more than to live in a home with an adult who doesn’t like her.

Thatsenoughadulting · 20/03/2025 08:09

Wanderingwonderer24 · 19/03/2025 23:36

I see alot of responses and appreciate all of them. My daughter isnt spoiled and is very well mannered and sweet. Like most children she has her moments but never enough to justify animosity. My wife at 1st participated and once she couldnt do anything but be bed rested she became more needy and not understanding she cant always be priority, she doesnt have anyone but me so thats why i try so hard to be there for her, But she told me she lied and didnt really want to be a mother for her which hurt me. My wife never spoke to anyone about her postpartum for either pregnancy and i fear she still suffers from it and still mentally messed up from the suffering she had to endure from the pregnancy. I dont need her to love her like its her own child but love her like a best friend, is that too much to ask?

Edited

She has had 2 babies in quick succession and quite possibly has PND. Does she have enough support around her? Are you doing your fair share with the babies or mostly focusing on your DD? Perhaps it's all too much for her and she doesn't have capacity at the moment for your daughter. I'm not saying that's right but it sounds more than just her being horrible and hating your child. She was obviously close to the child at one point.

Original poster

Wanderingwonderer24 · 20/03/2025 21:15

Thank you everyone again.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wanderingwonderer24 · 20/03/2025 21:16

Thatsenoughadulting · 20/03/2025 08:09

She has had 2 babies in quick succession and quite possibly has PND. Does she have enough support around her? Are you doing your fair share with the babies or mostly focusing on your DD? Perhaps it's all too much for her and she doesn't have capacity at the moment for your daughter. I'm not saying that's right but it sounds more than just her being horrible and hating your child. She was obviously close to the child at one point.

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I do my best to do my part i am currently the only one working, i cook majority of the time and watch the children in the morning for her that way she can have time for herself. I assist with laundry and do majority of the shopping, so im doing i believe my fair share. But im her only outlet, which is why ive been so patient

OP posts:

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 05:57

You failed to explain the reasons she’s resenting your daughter. She may reacting to something you may doing and taking it out on your daughter, which is not acceptable anyway. Sometimes as parents we fail to see how our children act. We’re not on the outside looking in. Try putting yourself in her shoes. I have a bratty adult stepdaughter whom I accepted in the beginning but I stopped catering to her altogether. I respect her, but I don’t share anything with her anymore. She lost me.

lunar1 · 21/03/2025 10:58

The disliked stepdaughter in this case is 5 years old.

Beamur · 21/03/2025 11:04

TheMasterplan23 · 19/03/2025 05:20

You choose your child. Every single time.

Your daughter is 5. She needs love and stability. If your wife isn’t prepared to give her that, then the relationship is over.

This.
I say this as a SM - this attitude will poison your whole family.
If your wife is ill, then support her to get better but make it clear that this attitude is not ok. You can't be a family if she openly dislikes your child. If she cannot get past that, it's better you seperate.

Original poster

Wanderingwonderer24 · 28/03/2025 00:50

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 05:57

You failed to explain the reasons she’s resenting your daughter. She may reacting to something you may doing and taking it out on your daughter, which is not acceptable anyway. Sometimes as parents we fail to see how our children act. We’re not on the outside looking in. Try putting yourself in her shoes. I have a bratty adult stepdaughter whom I accepted in the beginning but I stopped catering to her altogether. I respect her, but I don’t share anything with her anymore. She lost me.

@Flowerchild1 she dislikes her because she cannot her a daughter without HG. So she feels its not fair. Her exact words sadly.

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 28/03/2025 07:26

Wanderingwonderer24 · 28/03/2025 00:50

@Flowerchild1 she dislikes her because she cannot her a daughter without HG. So she feels its not fair. Her exact words sadly.

Show quote history

That's so sad for your little girl hated by her stepmum just for being a girl.
Please leave that horrid woman asap, as she and her envy will slowly destroy your dd as she's driven out of the family by your wife. It will be small things at 1st not having treats bought for her, then she'll be left out of trips to SMs family, then family days out and all the while your poor dd will see her brothers getting everything whilst she's relegated and ignored. Soon enough she'll be the scapegoat and blamed for everything that goes wrong, made to feel unwanted, unloved and not welcome in her own home.
Please don't let that be your innocent little girls life she deserves so much more than to be blamed for your wife's inability to have a baby girl herself.
Another thing that you need to consider when going for custody of your boys is how long before she starts to resent them for not being girls too?

lunar1 · 28/03/2025 08:35

Hateful women, she should never have had children if she needed a prized girl so much.

Your daughter is resenting for existing and your sons are resented for being born the wrong sex.

Kitchensinktoday · 28/03/2025 08:44

Flowerchild1 · 21/03/2025 05:57

You failed to explain the reasons she’s resenting your daughter. She may reacting to something you may doing and taking it out on your daughter, which is not acceptable anyway. Sometimes as parents we fail to see how our children act. We’re not on the outside looking in. Try putting yourself in her shoes. I have a bratty adult stepdaughter whom I accepted in the beginning but I stopped catering to her altogether. I respect her, but I don’t share anything with her anymore. She lost me.

This

Finallylostit · 28/03/2025 09:49

Kitchens - this girl is 5 and the SM is upset that she can not have a daughter so takes it out on a 5 yr old.
The woman needs a major head shake - there are no excuses

steplind · 28/03/2025 14:37

Being a SM myself, I tend to see situations through that lens. But it's hard to defend a SM who has that attitude and your daughter is only 5 and in need of love and stability.

I was a single parent for a whopping 17 years (I just did the math, and can't believe it). I was lonely, of course, and longed for companionship. But I didn't meet anyone that I could foresee being around my child. So I just bided my time until my current husband came along, and we got married when my child was 19.

If your wife doesn't want to love your daughter, I guess you can't force her. But then she shouldn't have agreed to get married to the girl's father. I think you should make room for someone who is more able to meet the demands of the situation.