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Step-parenting

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Deterioration in relationship

7 replies

worrieworm · 15/03/2025 16:47

Looking for some advice or a hand hold really. Been with my DH 8 years, I met him and his son was then (2). DSS mother and DH were never together or romantically involved so minus that complication. We have always had a very happy set up and happy DSS.

DSS would visit and stay EOW and is heavily involved in my family and my husbands. We have had own baby 2 years ago and since then we have had an awful time.

During my pregnancy DSS (then 8) would be really tantrumy and completely uninterested in the arrival of a sibling - I suspected an age or hormone thing.

roll on two years and we are in the trenches, family holidays have resulted in tantrums, meltdowns, tears.. we have upped having him to weekly to see if that improves things.. we have shouting at pick up “I dont want to go!” It’s terribly upsetting for my DH, DSS and mother.

We have now moved away from crying and shouting and for months had silent treatment! full. On. Silence.

He wont engage in any conversation unless prompted and only provide one word answers, completely uniterested in sibling - ignores them, holds toys back from them etc.

We have recently invited to florida for a huge family holiday, he’s declined to come.

its like he does not care about any of us at all and feel he wouldnt care to not see us!

I am honestly at a complete loss what to do and can see my DH struggling, withdrawing and our other child not understanding.

this is not a case of “left out” or feeling replaced, we have gone above and beyond to ensure he has felt secure, involved. We have tried several times to really understand whats going on, to no clarity.

I am really struggling with having such an uncomfortable dynamic in my house every weekend and hate seeing this sorry sad deterioration.

OP posts:
YourLuckyPearlGoose · 15/03/2025 16:57

Your DH needs to spend time with his son alone.

worrieworm · 15/03/2025 17:03

@YourLuckyPearlGooseI have suggested this, thank you. X

OP posts:
Dolambslikemintsauce · 15/03/2025 17:11

Likely he feels guilty towards his dm he actually has another family...
And for being happy there..
Can you find a hobby both dc can learn together?

NorthernSpirit · 15/03/2025 17:14

As above poster says - dad needs 1-2-1 time with his son.

I know it’s not a UK (assuming you are in the UK as I am) but I would recommend some counselling for him. He sounds like a traumatised little boy. ALL actions, whether it be tantrums or silent treatment are communication. Something is going on with him and he needs some help voicing in a healthy way.

Good luck 🤞

worrieworm · 15/03/2025 17:15

@DolambslikemintsauceHe does have a step father role and step siblings on his mums side too. We do struggle with activities suitable for a 10year old and 2 year old but always make the effort for day trips, soft play etc.

OP posts:
worrieworm · 15/03/2025 18:56

@NorthernSpiritthank you xx

OP posts:
Dolambslikemintsauce · 15/03/2025 20:12

Jump 360 and bowling can work. I had ds's 6 years apart.. The older dc can 'teach' their sibling bigging up the Big Db role... .... Climbing wall also but has a height restriction at some places...

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