Conversation 15yr old

[40andsingle]

I’m in a relationship with a great man who has a 15 yr old son. The son is lovely and we’ve not long met (the son that is not me and my partner) so I’m taking things slow. I’m just finding it hard to make conversation with him. I haven’t been around teenagers and just don’t have any small talk conversation topics, I’m also just really nervous around him as I don’t want to say the wrong thing, school talk doesn’t get much of a response ( I was the same at his age) and I know nothing about sport. Does anyone have any advice on how to get past these early stages? Thanks

I have a 16 YO DSS (who I have known for 11 years).

Let him talk when he wants to and don’t force the conversation would be my advice.

My experience is - boys that age don’t have much to say and you’ll likely get one word monosyllabic answers back.

The only thing my DSS engages in is around football and want he wants to eat.

Thanks for your reply. My partner is keen for us to start building a bit of a relationship. We have a weekly dinner together and all sit there in silence or him and his dad talk sport. It’s so awkward but the pressure of trying to make small talk I think is worse, it’s just not feeling natural. Maybe I’m worrying about this unduly and it will come with time.

I have a 14 year old DS, he goes between silence, grunts, to non stop chatting. I've learnt to let him lead the conversation as the more I push it the quieter he gets.

Take the pressure off yourself, you sound lovely, let him talk to his dad. Id also tell his dad to back off a bit, you cant create/force a relationship with a teen, it will happen in good time.

I should add, i also have a 17 year old SS, only now is he chatting and relaxed, its taken 8 years!

I think your partner is putting too much pressure on you here with this awkward dinner. Just have a takeaway in front of the tv instead so it doesn't matter if no-one is speaking or just him and dad chatting sport. Just be around in the background while he gets used to you and he'll slowly start to open up on his own terms. Both of you are feeling pressured in this situation and it's leading to awkwardness and stress. I'd have a conversation with your partner and be really honest and describe how you want to be integrated into family life without formal dinners.

What sort of kid is he? If he goes on tik tok download it and watch some of the trending videos - things he can relate to. Instead of dinner at a table what about a take away watching a film he will like. This will give you something to chat about. Take the dog a walk, go for a drive to a McDonald's. You need to relieve the pressure to small talk.

Ask him generic questions

"How's your week been"

"Watched anything good on tv lately?"

It allows him to give as much info as he feels comfortable sharing and keeps the conversation neutral. Any shared tv or music or whatever then allows the conversation to extend.

Other than that don't underestimate how much kudos a 15yo boy will give you for not being a try hard and allowing him and his dad to chat sport!

Do you have any younger nephews/godsons/sons of friends? I find a great way to get a 15yo talking is to ask for their advice on a topic where they know more than you.

"My 12yo nephew is really into computer games, what would you recommend I should get him for his birthday and what is good about it?" for example. Ask questions to get him to tell you stuff that he had opinions on. Feign more interest than you have if necessary.

My DS 16 conversation doesn't extend beyond

'Fine, Good, Can't Remember, What's for dinner?'

Parent to teenage boy here. I try and steer the conversation away from sport but that’s pretty much what dominates the conversation of him and DH at dinner (yawn!) Other topics that you might engage them on are music /festivals coming up, if you have an Alexa you could take it in turns to choose a track during dinner

Trumps latest antics are often a talking point as even if they don’t watch the news they will probably have seen a spoof on social media.

Has he got exams coming up? Talk about his extended summer and what he’d like to do beyond that?

Talk about any series you’ve watched he might like -Ted Lasso/ Cobra Kai or discuss favourite films?

Your DH should be helping break the ice and lead conversation - it’s not really on you! Don’t feel bad about him not engaging much with the conversation, I feel a bit defeated on this and it’s my son! Some of DSs friends are charming & will chat others will barely make eye contact and might grunt a thanks as they leave the table after bolting their food down and heading for the games console or off to kick a ball!

Thank you for all the replies, these have been great. There are some good suggestions but it’s also nice to hear, he may just be a teenager. I remember being that age and not spending much time chatting other than to my friends.

I have a ds who is nearly 15 and similarly I get little back in terms of small talk.

I was also going to suggest things like asking him to come with you to order a takeaway/ pick up McDonald's. All you then need to discuss is what you are going to eat etc

You could suggest popping out for snacks to watch a film. Even if it's the most boring film ever go along with it 😂

Make it more practical rather than forced small talk and the small talk will come.

Most teenagers idea of hell is being made to chat over dinner to their dad's new girlfriend.

Make it more fun by watching a tv series, playing a game, do an activity instead like an escape room then you have something to talk about over dinner

It took me like 5 years to bond with my DSS. Now we're fairly close.