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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

DSD's mum won't let her see her siblings

22 replies

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:00

My 19 year old dsd's mum won’t let her see her siblings (3, 8 and 11). All the kids love her and will want to see her, DSD has looked after them for days several times before. She has spoken to the 11 year old who is distraught.

She doesnt have any legal rights to be able to see them, does she?
Could her mum do anything to prevent her seeing them when they are with their fathers? Does she even need to know if they agree?
Would she be in any legal trouble if she goes and sees the 11 year old after school or when she is supposed to be out with friends?

OP posts:

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HaddyAbrams · 07/03/2025 16:02

Surely as a 19 year old adult her mum can't stop her?

Dolambslikemintsauce · 07/03/2025 16:02

The 19yo certainly doesn't answer to her dm regarding anything never mind seeing her own siblings....

Hadalifeonce · 07/03/2025 16:04

How would her mother even know if she saw them?

thistlepiedpiper · 07/03/2025 16:04

Is 19 a typo? She doesn't have to answer to her mum for anything... she's an adult and can do as she likes and go anywhere she wants without permission

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:05

They have different fathers to DSD.
She has before only seen them when they are with their mum.
She won't agree to let her in to see them or let her take them out.

OP posts:

Theoscargoesto · 07/03/2025 16:06

I don’t understand. DSD is an adult. Unless there is a lot more going on here, and court orders you haven’t mentioned, her mother can’t stop her seeing anyone or doing anything. That said, who does she live with? If it’s the mum, who will make her life unpleasant if she does see siblings, she, and her dad, have a lot more to worry about.

Sharktoothgirl · 07/03/2025 16:06

She’s an adult. Her mum doesn’t get a say over her movements any more.
I take it the siblings are half siblings who share the same mother but different fathers? None of whom are currently married or living with their children’s mother? I don’t see why the fathers couldn’t facilitate contact as long as there’s no safeguarding worries with your DSD. In practice, it could all get rather nasty, because asking the younger kids to keep any meetings with their older secret a secret is not really fair and the fathers might not be keen if they think it could cause issuing with their own co-parenting relationships with the children’s mother and put their own contact at risk.
Why doesn’t their mum want contact between the siblings?

Sunat45degrees · 07/03/2025 16:07

Whose children are the siblings? So 19 year old's mum has three additional children but I assume 19 year old doesn't live with them and so the mum is refusing to let her see them? Bit odd. Do they have the same father? Does DSD have a relatiosnhip with her siblings' father? Could she see them with him?

Is there a reason he rmum is not allowing this?

If she's had regular contact and care of them in the past I'd imagine she COULD go to court, but htat would be a very difficult and tedious process with no guarantee of success.

Sunat45degrees · 07/03/2025 16:07

I assume also that DSD and her mum do not get oon? Is there a reason for that?

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:08

Sorry for not making it clear.

The siblings she can't see are children her mum has gone onto have with other men, these children live with her mum so she can prevent her going to see them.

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 07/03/2025 16:08

Are you saying that all the children have the same mother, and the 19 year old doesn't live with her, but that the mother won't let her into the house to be with the younger children?

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:09

Hadalifeonce · 07/03/2025 16:08

Are you saying that all the children have the same mother, and the 19 year old doesn't live with her, but that the mother won't let her into the house to be with the younger children?

Yes.

OP posts:

InfoSecInTheCity · 07/03/2025 16:09

While DSD is old enough to make her own decisions about who she sees and where she goes, the siblings are all still in the care of their mum so the mum can dictate who has access to them and as such can prevent DSD from seeing them.

what is the back story on why DSDs mum would want to prevent siblings from seeing each other and why she’s treating her own daughter like this? Without context it would seem like a vindictive and harmful decision, not in the best interests of her younger children or her 19yr old, but are there valid reasons why she’s wouldn’t want the 19 yr old around her younger children?

RedToothBrush · 07/03/2025 16:11

She will have no legal rights.

She will have to wait until she's 18.

Or come to some sort of resolution with her mum.

heroinechic · 07/03/2025 16:11

It's a bit confusing. Are you saying that your 19 year old step daughter has fallen out with her mother, and as a result, her mother isn't letting her see her half siblings which reside with her mother? I.e whilst her mother cannot control the 19 year old, she can control access to the younger children.

I don't think there are legal rights of access for siblings in the UK but I could be wrong. I don't think the mother could prevent the 19 year old from seeing her siblings while they are with their fathers unless there is some kind of court order in place preventing contact. Does the mother have reason to believe that your DSD is a danger to her siblings?

SnoopysHoose · 07/03/2025 16:12

Has her mother gave a reason? has DSD previously lived with them?

Hadalifeonce · 07/03/2025 16:13

Is your DSD able to contact the father (s) of the other children to ask if she can have contact with them.
Has she tried to find out why her mother is preventing contact?

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:14

Are you saying that your 19 year old step daughter has fallen out with her mother, and as a result, her mother isn't letting her see her half siblings which reside with her mother? I.e whilst her mother cannot control the 19 year old, she can control access to the younger children.

Yes, sorry if that wasn't clear.

OP posts:

Sunat45degrees · 07/03/2025 16:17

I think that your DSD could possibly speak to the respective fathers. BUT... I'd be interested to know what caused this fall out. is her mum batshit crazy or has DSD behaved badly.

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:18

There is no reason that DSD shouldn't see them, she poses no risk etc.

I don't want to bash her mum but I don't think highly of her, DSD chose to live full time with me and her father when she was about 11/12 but still saw her mum and siblings often.

Over the last couple of years there has been very little relationship between the two of them but her mum would still use DSD as a babysitter when she was out or on holiday.

OP posts:

Sharktoothgirl · 07/03/2025 16:23

The best case scenario here might be for someone considered neutral and trustworthy by the kids’ mum to organize a meeting of some kind where all the kids (including your DSD) are invited and everyone is aware that that’s the case. Maternal grandparents would be good, or maternal aunty/uncle if any of those are options?

Original poster

catsnothere · 07/03/2025 16:23

2 different fathers for the 3 kids

One is pretty useless and sees his child infrequently, maybe once a month. Would probably let DSD come.

The other father has jumped through hoops and struggled to get the limited contact he does have. In theory I think he would be happy to let DSD see her siblings but I think he would be worried about upsetting their mum and ultimately say no.

She will get in contact with them both though.

OP posts:

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