Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Crazy to try to 'blend' 4 teens in 3-bed house

39 replies

struggling24 · 06/03/2025 13:20

I'm feeling really sad today. DP is the love of my life. We've just agreed that he will move out in the summer after 2 yrs of trying to live as a blended family.

I genuinely thought it would be brilliant. We had a rock solid relationship and all kids get on really well, and felt comfortable and secure with us having a solid relationship.

We were together for 5 yrs before moving in. Then tried to all cram into the one house to live together.

DP might see it differently, but from my point of view all 4 kids were fine. It was his resentment of me and my kids that was the issue.

He felt he had no rights as it was our house. Hated the needs of my dc or pets being put above his needs. He does most of the housework as works from home but doesn't get much credit for it.

I can see all his points, but in 2 years we never managed to get through it at all.

It's such a shame, but surely most people would think we didn't have any chance of making it work due to the nature of the set up.

OP posts:
standononefoot · 08/03/2025 13:02

Trying to imagine a grown man throwing a fit on his birthday, demanding certain presents be given or not given... same man manages to be jealous of household pets... and hasn't got himself together enough for a loan.

What do you like about him?

CarrieOnComplaining · 08/03/2025 15:16

struggling24 · 08/03/2025 12:49

Yes there are loads of sub-issues to all the points.

His older ds is here full time while my fc are only here 50%.

He won't entertain any children doing housework as he feels it's an elaborate ploy on my part to pick on his ds as he'll potentially need to do more as he's here full time.

Can't move to a bigger house etc, as DP has bad credit and can't borrow for a mortgage.

Sadly any communication goes wrong as there are so many sub issues beneath it all.

I did stop prioritising him but only because he made a massive fuss about everything I just stepped away.

I said let's not go on a holiday so we can save money. That upset him.

He had a big meltdown about his birthday and didn't want to do what I'd planned for it, and didn't want any presents- only from his youngest ds which he asked me to buy.
Didn't want the presents my dc had already bought him in case it showed up his ds, which is why he asked me to get more from his ds.

The whole thing was a total farce.

So the it was our anniversary, Christmas and Valentine's Day, so I decided not to bother getting him anything for them as I couldn't be bothered as he was so ungrateful last time.

Feel we've run ourselves into the ground over 1000 minor slights.

Ok, well given that update I am surprised that your OP began with you feeling sad!

It gives a very different picture.

I think you will be able to breathe once he has moved out.

pinkyredrose · 08/03/2025 15:21

Oof. Considering that update he needs to move out asap, like yesterday!

Wishyouwerehere50 · 08/03/2025 15:23

I don't known all the details obviously. It's hard to know exactly what's going on but I feel uncomfortable about things you've said.

When you think male animals predominantly kill another males offspring, it's no surprise when I see examples where the females kids are a problem. Maybe rightly so,but biology plays such a part, how could you ever be sure.

I feel things will be better for you with him out the home.

I had a boyfriend of my mum's once. Really nice guy. He got upset as the house wasn't his and he moved into ours. So mum upped sticks and moved and they got a house together.

Then he got upset about her job.

Then he got upset about me coming round too much.

I see a formula here. This is for the best OP.

converseandjeans · 08/03/2025 19:34

@struggling24

Can't move to a bigger house etc, as DP has bad credit and can't borrow for a mortgage

He doesn't sound like the best catch. How will he afford his own place?

Do you earn more? Do you think he is jealous that you can afford things & he can't?

You say he won't allow house work from adult children. That's bonkers. If a child is an adult and there full time then of course he would do more housework than a teen who only spends 50% of their time there. You're going to say now that he won't allow you to ask for rent from his DC??

Starseeking · 08/03/2025 20:32

Sounds like moving out is the best thing for him, he has lots of resentment under the surface which doesn't appear to be entirely justified.

UpTheLaganInABubble1 · 08/03/2025 20:38

I think you should be celebrating. He sounds unpleasant

justforthisnow · 08/03/2025 20:45

I am finding it hard to see why this man is the love of your life. Bad credit, throws tantrums on special days, resents your children, won't let his own do any housework....you've listed a lot of things that would have me running for the hills personally. I think when your sadness lifts a bit, have a read of your OP and be glad you called it quits. It sounds like this relationship is not benefitting either of you.

Kindyeah · 08/03/2025 20:48

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet.

SnoopysHoose · 08/03/2025 21:06

Your update on his pathetic behaviour over birthdays and housework is astounding.
I'd have dumped long ago.

deeahgwitch · 09/03/2025 08:49

justforthisnow · 08/03/2025 20:45

I am finding it hard to see why this man is the love of your life. Bad credit, throws tantrums on special days, resents your children, won't let his own do any housework....you've listed a lot of things that would have me running for the hills personally. I think when your sadness lifts a bit, have a read of your OP and be glad you called it quits. It sounds like this relationship is not benefitting either of you.

This 💯

He doesn't sound great at all @struggling24

MellowPinkDeer · 11/03/2025 13:57

\My advice would be to not even consider this. Even with loads of space this is hard work. I would never do it again. I absolutely would not expect my kids to share to make room for someone else's kids, just for me, he really doesn't sound like he would be worth it, even in ideal conditions!

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/03/2025 08:26

Other issues aside, I'm not surprised he was pissed off if he thought an animal had priority over him. Pets shouldn't come before humans.

bigboykitty · 12/03/2025 08:34

struggling24 · 08/03/2025 12:49

Yes there are loads of sub-issues to all the points.

His older ds is here full time while my fc are only here 50%.

He won't entertain any children doing housework as he feels it's an elaborate ploy on my part to pick on his ds as he'll potentially need to do more as he's here full time.

Can't move to a bigger house etc, as DP has bad credit and can't borrow for a mortgage.

Sadly any communication goes wrong as there are so many sub issues beneath it all.

I did stop prioritising him but only because he made a massive fuss about everything I just stepped away.

I said let's not go on a holiday so we can save money. That upset him.

He had a big meltdown about his birthday and didn't want to do what I'd planned for it, and didn't want any presents- only from his youngest ds which he asked me to buy.
Didn't want the presents my dc had already bought him in case it showed up his ds, which is why he asked me to get more from his ds.

The whole thing was a total farce.

So the it was our anniversary, Christmas and Valentine's Day, so I decided not to bother getting him anything for them as I couldn't be bothered as he was so ungrateful last time.

Feel we've run ourselves into the ground over 1000 minor slights.

It's not you, it's him!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread