Concerned for daughter’s best friend advice pls

[Teatree143]

Hi wanting some advice - my kids best friend’s mum got a new boyfriend off a dating app almost a year ago - I find the guy hard to stomach myself, he’s constantly sarcastic about the kid (mums not native english speaker so unlikely to pick up degree of sarcasm), has been through a string of similar relationships one after the other where hes played stepdad and now the families don’t speak to him (his own admission to me when i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and hang out for an hour or two on a playdate).
he has no job, goes through odd jobs then unemployed again, lives with his grandma. The man is a total loser yet the kid calls him dad. Today when he picked her up she called him dad again and i found myself snapping ‘he’s not your dad!’
it was awkward afterwards and i just wanted him out so was trying to shoo the kid out at the same time feeling pretty weird looking after the kid all day only to hand her over to this loser guy as mum couldn’t be bothered to pick kid up herself.
honestly i feel like i need to report them to safeguarding at her school or something but i don’t have anything concrete to say except my own gut feeling that hes a wrongun. The kids are best friends i look after the kid a lot (respite from the family). Am i becoming a busybody should i mind my own business? any advice welcome

You can't report them to safeguarding because your kid's friend's mum's boyfriend doesn't have a job?!
If they're calling him dad maybe it's because they get on well with him.
How do you know so much detail about his life (all negative)?
If this woman is happy with her partner then you should keep your nose out of her business.
There doesn't seem to be any reason for you to believe the children are in danger to any degree. You simply don't like this bloke. Well, tough. Don't speak to him.

I think all you can do for now is keep a close eye on things and try to chat to your daughters friend whenever possible about how she is.

You don’t like him. That doesn’t mean the child is at risk from him. Safeguarding doesn’t mean keeping a child from a feckless twat.

It isn’t your place to tell someone else’s child who she can and can’t call her dad. It might make you uncomfortable but it’s not your business.

If you have any evidence that the child is being neglected or abused, then by all means take action. But ‘mum dating a irresponsible twat’ is in itself not a safeguarding issue.

Speak to her teacher. Do you have any factual concerns about her being neglected?

I wish someone had done this for me when I was a child!

It's hard without actual evidence so I would say speak to the teacher about your concerns and keep talking to the child. If and when you have more to go on then you can involve the authorities as needed.

I would also say that it's concerning that within a year he has moved from being an unknown to the children to 'dad'.

Yes, because if the adults are happy that's all that matters right 🙄

Honestly, some people should give their head a wobble.

@Teatree143 you sound like a lovely caring family friend and the child is lucky to have you keeping an eye out for her. Please don't be put off by some of the ridiculous comments on here.

I would suggest you go in and have a chat with the school and raise your concerns. Our school is more than happy to have an open door policy with regards to child welfare issues. Explain to them the frequency of contact you have with the child and the pattern of behaviour of the man. They will be able to keep an eye on the child and monitor for any changes in behaviour.

If it escalates then call the NSPCC for advice on how to proceed. If he's by his own admission been through a string of step parenting relationships there may be a pattern there that needs to be looked at.

You are doing the right thing and asking the right questions. The child is the most important person in this scenario and you really need to keep an eye on her.

raise concerns based on what ? The guy is an unemployed loser ? Even op states she hasn’t got anything concrete.

Recognising abusive situations doesn't always start with concrete evidence, people start noticing changes in a child's behaviour and thankfully pay attention to what's going on.

If the OP talks to the school and they start keeping a close eye on it then if nothing is happening then it won't go further but could also be the tip of the iceberg.

If more people looked out for kids, particularly in blended families where the statistical occurance of abuse is much much higher, then some kids wouldn't have to live with long term trauma.

Also a man who has had serial relationships with single mothers, who by his own admission he doesn't have contact with because they won't speak to him, is a walking red flag in itself. There are men who actively target single mothers on dating apps purely to gain access to children.

This is a red flag acknowledged by the NSPCC and the police, so the OP isn't at all overreacting to recognise it as a warning sign, particularly as the man himself was sharing the information!