Ex gets worse

[Stepmum2111]

DP‘s eldest DC must go to secondary in August 2026.
We have a fantastic school nearby, my DC went there and I was really happy with the school.
However, ex lives 30 miles away and is not in the area for this school.
She has agreed that this would be a better school but has now said that DP must find and pay for a flat in the area - it is more expensive that where she lives at the moment.
She is engaged to a guy she met in August 2023 and 6 month old with him and wants my DP to pay for them all. She is hasn’t been working since the separation and relies on the equivalent of UC in our country. Plus even though 50/50 would be possible if she lives nearby she has said no because she wants the money for the children.
I now feel she is just a CF. I don’t understand it, I was a single mum for a long time - my ex paid nothing and didn’t see his DC so I just made my life better by myself and am now very financially independent.

Presumably he’s laughed in her face or simply ignored her.

I couldn't have responded appropriately for laughing. But when I'd pulled myself together I'd have told her a simple "No" without any further explanation.

I don’t think he actually answered. He told me, he told some friends over the weekend. Everyone thought she was mad - she has a new partner but still treats my DP as if he is her DP. If she falls out with current DP she calls.

One DC had a birthday last week. Mum didn’t want to see her. The DC asked me to make a rainbow birthday cake which I did. I hope DC told her mum.

When it is clear that someone only wants money it hurts. She claims the father of the new child doesn’t live with her so she gets extra money from the state.
She went mad that DP gave his DC separate bedrooms in his house.

Why isn't your partner fighting for joint custody?

I’m not sure anyone is being sensible here. You’ve stated that ex lives 30 miles away from the school you’re proposing that the child attends, how is she supposed to send/take the child there?
She sounds a bit selfish and entitled, but on this particular issue she kind of has a point if your DP is pushing for the child attend a certain school so far from her home

Yes
Child would either have to move to yours surely and then attend school near you or stay where she is and attend school there

She lives too far away. Children are not in the same LA.

Can’t your step kids live with you during the week so they can attend the school and then spend Friday and Saturday night back at their mums?

But DP would like DC to live with him. But she won’t agree. Already now she has the baby it is too much for her having her existing children. She has said this quite clearly and wants DP to have extra time with his DC which has happened over the last weeks.
But she is not willing that DP has them full time because she won’t get her UC equivalent in our country. And if she lives near to us she doesn’t want 50/50 because then she gets nothing.

DP has had his DC 12 days this month already and he.must pay a full month maintenance. Last week DM couldn’t be arsed with the DC.
Was the birthday of one. She asked me to make a cake because her mum didn’t want her - sorry is that normal? 3 days before - I will do nothing for your birthday. Ask your father. Then a call on the Monday I don’t want the DC this week, it is too hard with baby, I won’t get then from school. Sort it out.
School supplies that ex can’t be bothered getting - hey I’m doing that.
She gets all paid by the state for sitting on her arse at 33 but I’m working full time and ordering with Amazon prime. she gets a lump sum from the State and we are the idiots that bought everything.
I don’t even live with DP but feel I have to be there.

Just because mum doesn't want him to have full costody doesn't mean he just backs down and doesn't fight for it. If he wants full custody then he needs to take her to court. It's amazing how these men complain about the poor parenting of their exes but then refuse to actually do anything about it because "she won't let him". She's not his boss, she doesn't just get to decide unilaterally what happens with the kids.

I don’t even live with DP but feel I have to be there.

Woahhh slow down op. You don't live together but you feel like you have to be there? Where's your boyfriend when his kids are over? They have 2 parents, neither of whom are giving anywhere close to enough to their kids, you're getting yourself involved in a real shit show.

Both parents are taking the piss out of you.

If it is in the child's best interest to live with dad he should go to court to confirm, establish living arrangements and financial responsibilities of BOTH parents. Up to him to arrange childcare when he's at work, this shouldn't be you.

What a disaster.

Is the child moving in with their Dad an option?

You don’t even live with him?

Wind your neck in.

Tell your boyfriend to not update you on the drama between him and his ex.
Dating him is meant to make your life easier, fun and peaceful.
What's the point in dating this man?

If their DM won't agree to the DC living with their DF because she relies on him paying maintenance then he either needs to get a change in custody through the courts or the DC go to a school near her home.
You don't live with him Op, don't get sucked into all this, it's a matter between the parents. Just be his GF and live your own life, his situation sounds far too messy - if he gets it sorted, fine, but if he won't go to court I'd stay out of it