House rules and how to navigate

[NewlyNavigating]

My DSS broke an item belonging to my DS and hid it without telling anyone what had happened.

He then told his dad after he'd returned home and that was the end of it. No mention to my DS - no apology, offer to replace, or even clear the mess up. From either the child OR my DP!

The broken item was in my DS's drawer and so he should never have been in there either.

Accidents happen and I am not suggesting that it was deliberate. But my DS has been raised to tell me if an accident has happened, apologise to whoever is involved, clear up the mess etc.

I'm disappointed and cross to be honest that it hasn't been addressed. Am I unreasonable? How do I tackle it? My DSS is 14 by the way, not a young child.

My DP will not address any poor behaviour or put any boundaries in place. DSS is a child who has never been told the word no. He is sadly a Disney Dad, and while I really don't want my DSS to feel bad about what is essentially an accident, I do think that at 13 he should be told that he should be honest, fess up, apologise and try to rectify, not to mention not go through someone else's belongings.

Any advice?

I presume your partner told you this later, after his son had left the house? Have you asked him (OH) what he thinks his son should do about it? I am curious what that response might be.

Why are you with a Disney Dad whose parenting you think is crap? Why would you have a child with him or move him into your child's home?

Your DP needs to replace the item and his son needs to keep out of your son's personal belongings.

I'd be more annoyed with his your DP has dealt with it tbh. He's not teaching his son well enough.

It's good that his son confessed to him. He could have kept quiet, but if my child damaged an item, I would replace it.

Typo: *with how

He needs to replace it, and your son needs a lock for his bedroom door.

My dh has always refused to say no to his children who are now adults. With other people they behave perfectly normally and don't take the piss- but with dh nothing unfortunately has changed.

I have been in this situation. My response was to remove myself and my children from it. It actually makes me shudder when I think of that time in my life. It is deeply unpleasant to watch your own children essentially be punished for going by the rules whilst another child can come into the house and do what they like with no consequences. It does not send good messages to your children about their value in your home. I would be telling him that he steps his parenting up, from now, or you are gone. And follow through

Your poor son.
No safe place, no privacy.
A man who thinks HIS son is king and he has to suck it up because his mum allows it.
Children like your son grow up and have very little contact with their parents because they hold so much resentment against their parents for allowing them to be treated so poorly in their supposed home.
Think long and hard about your decisions and their impact on your son.
It is not normal for his private stuff to be rifled through, certainly not by siblings.
Not if there is an ounce of respect being taught in the house.
Your son is clearly been giving the message that him and his things don't count and he is a second class citizen to this man and his child.