Advice

[bruce55]

I’m in a relationship my partner has won custody rights for his 2 beautiful children but he is booking them in to hotels for the weekends he has them and is spending his week holidays in hotels too. I feel absolutely useless I have 4 children my self been single 7years before this so very independent I have a very large property plenty of room for step kids to stay over I’m so upset of how to handle the conversation like is my home not good enough yet we have been living together for over 6months he’s in my children’s lives everyday.

If he's just won custody rights it sounds like he hasn't been seeing them much before that.

They need time together to rebuild their relationship.

Don't make this about you! Think of the kids for a minute. Imagine being plonked into a strange home with a stepmother and 4 new siblings without any chance to get used to the idea.

He probably doesn't want to introduce you so early in the relationship.

He is doing what he thinks is best for his children, good for him

Sorry I never went into much detail il edit my post I know his kids already and he wants me to take my youngest children from my others and spend time with him and his kids all day but away from home like shopping centres parks ect

He has seen them and his kids know me already he wants me to take my youngest 2 children to him when he’s got the kids and spend the days together at shopping centres or parks I just don’t get why they can’t stay at the home with us all

He needs to spend his contact time with his kids.

There's no need for you to be there.

You can also spend that time one-on-one with your DC without your BF around, everyone wins then.

Sorry I should of put I already know his children and they know mine I don’t understand why he’s choosing to book hotels and wants me to split my kids and take him with his 2 kids to shopping centres and parks during the day

Imagine being one of those children. What a shitshow.

Is he dad to the last 2?

It sounds as if he is rebonding with his children.

Why don’t you want him to stay in a hotel? What’s the problem?

Have you asked him?

Yes he’s dad to last 2 the hotel is purely for sleeping I can’t get my head around it il be bringing them to our home to feed them spending the day doing fun stuff together I don’t know how to even approach the conversation

Imagine wanting the go to a shopping centre tho, v odd

Maybe it's overwhelming for them staying in a home with 4 children who have their dad full time? Was he prevented from seeing them prior to the court case?

No he wasn’t prevented he was offered full custody but declined as he believes there mother should have full custody I’m so head spun with everything he’s been having contact and going and staying at his mums with them but now wants to stop that and book hotels closer to our home

Even with your new information it sounds like he's gradually getting the kids used to being around you and the other kids before having you all in their faces 24 hours a day. Sounds sensible to me, especially if his kids are not super enthusiastic about this arrangement.

Did the existence of these children, and his previous unwillingness to parent them, not factor into your decision to partner up with him and have more kids?

Also, he's father to your last 2 kids but only been living with you 6 months, is that right?

He was offered full custody but declined it? Those poor children

This sounds confusing, he has he fathered your two youngest children but only lived with you 6 months? In any case if he's had no custody of his children, then he should be prioritizing spending time with them, the relationship must need repair. And if there's at least 6 children, that's very chaotic so it makes sense he wants time with his children. It's not about you.