Feeling fragile and in need of support please

[asSASSin8]

Background:
I am a SM to SD10 and SS6. I have been in their lives for 5 years and have a DS3 with their dad. We have them 5/14 nights. I have always had a pretty good relationship with them both. SD10 has had her moments over the years, but I don’t hold it against her as she’s a child who has had to deal with her family being split.
She usually wants to spend more time with me than her dad, which is fine. I often facilitate spending one on one time with her. I’ve taken her to have her nails done, got her ears pierced (with both parent’s consent), taken her shopping and such.

Why I’m posting:
I was tidying her room as her clothes need sorting and I found a piece of paper on the floor by her wardrobe. I picked it up and noticed my name on it and it said ‘Let me tell you some key facts about XX. She is a rude, selfish, and entitled btch who only loves DS3 and completely ignores me*.’ I was absolutely knocked for six when I read it. Luckily, there was nobody at home, so had time to process and calm down.

I understand that she has every right to her thoughts, and I read something that was not meant for me to read, so I put the note back where I found it and pretended not to see it. I don’t want her to feel she has no privacy or cannot get her thoughts out in constructive ways.

I am just shocked because I’m normally the one she gravitates towards when they are home with us, and I feel terrible knowing she may not be as happy when with us as she leads us to believe. She often does things for me and my DS3 unsolicited and I tell her I appreciate it, but do not expect these things from her.

I’ve told DH but have said I don’t want it mentioning to SD10 as it won’t do much good but have asked him to perhaps do an emotional check in with her next time they are home with us. He says not to worry because she clearly adores me, but I can’t even remember an instance where I would’ve made her feel that way. It makes me feel like what is the bloody point?

Have you ever disciplined her? It could be a one off strop because she was in a bad mood and her way of expressing it, at that exact moment was to write it down. Ten year old girls are hormonal and dramatic. Her general behaviour sounds like she loves you so I would just forget you saw it.

I would assume it was a vent on a bad day, that she never intended to be seen. Keep going as you are, and keep an eye to see if anything else happens.

Maybe she actually had a moment of guilt she actually loves you and wanted to play at saying something bad about you...

The word 'entitled' for a 10year old is a bit strange no? Where would she have heard or seen this? Can't imagine my DC using that word, let along writing it, at that age?

Me and my DD (16) are incredibly close and always have been, but I found a horrible rant about me in her room one day when she was about 12, I only found it because we were decorating her room and pulled the bed out (she had obviously shoved it behind there). My DD went through a real phase of overthinking and being anxious and one of the things we told her to do was write her thoughts down to help process them.
Obviously I had done something that day to really upset her - I’ve no idea what as I never told her about the note.

my point is it’s quite possibly nothing, I was devastated when I found what she had written about me but 4 years on I am still her go to person, she actively includes me in so much that she does, she plans (as do I) mum and daughter days out (gigs, lunch, shopping etc), she confides in me with everything (even somethings I would rather not know about my nearly 17 year old). Don’t overthink it, we all have angry irrational thoughts sometimes and think or say things we don’t really mean.

Has she been watching things that aren't age appropriate? This note really reminds me of mean girls the 'burn book'. I agree with the others, she could have been having a bad day and vented it that way or is there a time she was craving your attention and you told her you were busy with the toddler?

I used to write down absolute shite in my diary and notes whenever I was remotely told off. It probably is just that. But you are right to flag with DH and both keep an eye on her and check she's ok!

I adore my DM and always have, but I remember writing similar at that sort of age.

My mum recently moved house and I went to sort through some of my childhood things. I found a brutal letter I had written to my mum telling her how awful she was and how I was going to be a 'real' mum when I had my own children, I wouldn't palm them off on whoever would have them so I could pretend to young when I was old or feed them rubbish food because I couldn't be bothered to cook.

Her crime was to go to a child free wedding without me (I would have stayed at my grandparents and had a lovely time) and to give us spaghetti bolognaise two nights in a row 😂.

Definitely check that there's nothing deeper going on but don't underestimate hormones and preteen angst.

Oh OP, that is so painful.

Many children have a lot of guilt over liking their Stepmum. (Usually if their Mum isn't positive and encouraging about that relationship) Maybe she feels guilty and needed to write something unkind to take away that guilt. Or maybe you did one tiny thing and as many young girls do she has vented in her writing.

I understand it's hurtful but I'd try not to let it overshadow an otherwise good relationship. Can you keep an eye out and see if there are any other changes in her? If it's a one off I wouldn't mention the note specifically but I would have some open conversations where she has space to express any emotions she might need to talk about. I'd probably also make a point of telling her often how much she is loved, valued and cared for.

You sound lovely and I hope you feel a little better for reading all these replies xxx