My two SS (15 and 20) live with myself and DH and I'm struggling to maintain boundaries and look after my own needs. Is that bad?? I'm a mum and a step mum, love them all, but have increasingly found myself powerless in situations where if I was the lead parent, I would have handled very differently. Both are slightly traumatised young men for various reasons. The youngest has been with us full time with no contact with mum after police involvement, followed by oldest around 9 months later. The 20 year old arrived angry, is very close with mum and is obviously struggling against himself to live with us. I'm not entirely sure why he wants to. He doesn't speak to any of us, has threatened his brother, to the point where he has to come everywhere with us as we can't leave him home alone with him. He walks in and out whenever he wants, has girlfriend lounging around the house when he's at work, doesn't want to be around for celebrations or events and generally acts like a stranger. I feel stressed and can't see any resolve to this. There's a general bad feeling in the house, just as we were starting to get somewhere with the youngest and he was finally relaxed and settled. He is upset every day as his brother refuses to speak to or even look at him. My husband is the calmest, more tolerant guy on the planet and I am similar to an extent. I can see that he is thrilled they are both with us (and safe) and all his kids should get the same chances but this feels like we are losing control over our home. We've created a places that is drama free, but I'm changing my opinion gradually to we should be laying down boundaries to him now, even if this means supporting or helping him financially to get his own place. Then I feel guilty and that I should just put up with it. My husband works very long hours, I work from home and take care of the house, which also now means a new level of parenting my youngest SS because I'm there. He's a joy and I feel very proud and protective of him. However, I'm rapidly losing myself!! How do other step parents manage?