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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Mum threatening to move away

28 replies

sktny · 14/12/2024 11:34

DSD8 has been 50/50 with us since 3yo.

Mum and Dad don't drive, Mum wants to move 100 miles away.

Anyone navigated this? Never been to court or anything, Dad gives Mum over £200 a month to help with bills as Mum doesn't work and never has.

Currently live a few roads away from eachother, split the school run etc.

Mum moved before with Dad's agreement as we moved to be closer soon after. We have lives and jobs here now though so although not impossible to move again we want to avoid it.

OP posts:
socialdilemmawhattodo · 14/12/2024 11:37

Why does she want to move?

Original poster
sktny · 14/12/2024 11:39

socialdilemmawhattodo · 14/12/2024 11:37

Why does she want to move?

Her friend is moving there, as far as I know, that's the only reason.

She doesn't have any family there.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/12/2024 11:40

She needs his permission to change schools if he’s got PR. She can move but she can’t just take DSD. Maybe she’d like to be the NRP and DSD can visit her 100 miles away.

Original poster
sktny · 14/12/2024 11:47

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/12/2024 11:40

She needs his permission to change schools if he’s got PR. She can move but she can’t just take DSD. Maybe she’d like to be the NRP and DSD can visit her 100 miles away.

Yes, he has PR. DSD is registered under Dad's address for NHS/GP.

Mum tried to homeschool her in the past but Dad blocked Mum taking DSD out of school so definitely can't just take her out.

OP posts:
Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 11:50

Would you take DSD full time? Sounds like the most stable option for her?

Fullblowntailspin · 14/12/2024 12:00

My stepson was two when my husband and I got together. She did not originate from the area where she and my husband had been living. When they split when the child was one year old she decided to move back to her home town over 300 miles away. My husband was working full shifts so was unable to see his son as often as he would have chosen to. He made the journey because not seeing his son wasn’t an option. She didn’t drive and didn’t want to learn. We used to drive for over two hours and she would get someone to drive her 20 minutes down the road. It was annoying because it was always my husband who had to do all the travelling. I can’t understand any grown up not driving. To me it’s no brainer and part of being a fully functioning adult. The boot was on the other foot when my stepson came to live with us as a teenager. Fortunately he used to get the train by that point. He never did move back to his mother’s home town and we get to see him frequently which is lovely.

PrawnAgain · 14/12/2024 12:25

I've never understood why parents decide to live far apart. It causes so many unnecessary issues especially in the teenage years when kids have their own social lives.
What's your partners relationship like with the mum? Do they generally co parent well?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/12/2024 12:55

Stop paying her £200 a month and use it to get a court order to stop her moving.

Original poster
sktny · 14/12/2024 15:41

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 11:50

Would you take DSD full time? Sounds like the most stable option for her?

Of course we would be willing to, but DSD would be heartbroken if her Mum left her. Surely her Mum wouldn't move all that way without her?

OP posts:
Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 16:11

sktny · 14/12/2024 15:41

Of course we would be willing to, but DSD would be heartbroken if her Mum left her. Surely her Mum wouldn't move all that way without her?

Show quote history

I don’t know her… you do. Is she the kind of person who would be okay doing this? Most people wouldn’t but there are some parents who don’t seem to put their kids needs first!

sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/12/2024 16:22

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 11:50

Would you take DSD full time? Sounds like the most stable option for her?

That's a massive assumption based on knowing nothing about the situation.

PrawnAgain · 14/12/2024 16:44

sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/12/2024 16:22

That's a massive assumption based on knowing nothing about the situation.

Show quote history

It's a forum. Every post is an assumption based on scant information....

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 16:51

Father needs to start court proceedings now and make the arrangements for dd official and court ordered. This is the best way forward. It protects the child from being taken away or moved.

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 16:52

sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/12/2024 16:22

That's a massive assumption based on knowing nothing about the situation.

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That’s true - but they both have 50% of the time with the child and dad has PR, mom doesn’t and mom is the one who wants to move 100 miles away and won’t be any closer to family support etc by the move and child would have to leave school/friends.
there could be lots more info but based on the above which is all I have to go on it seems a question. On the basis of above would you think it was in child’s best interest to move?

cansu · 14/12/2024 16:57

Psychologymam
Both parents have PR surely.

JustFrustrated · 14/12/2024 16:58

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 16:52

That’s true - but they both have 50% of the time with the child and dad has PR, mom doesn’t and mom is the one who wants to move 100 miles away and won’t be any closer to family support etc by the move and child would have to leave school/friends.
there could be lots more info but based on the above which is all I have to go on it seems a question. On the basis of above would you think it was in child’s best interest to move?

Show quote history

Of course mum has PR.....

Nerdlings · 14/12/2024 16:58

cansu · 14/12/2024 16:57

Psychologymam
Both parents have PR surely.

You're correct. Mum will also have PR.

Original poster
sktny · 14/12/2024 16:59

Yes Mum has PR.

I don't think she'd actually move without one of her children, but then again I can't imagine any parent moving away willingly and of course people do.

OP posts:
Mickey79 · 14/12/2024 17:02

Dsd has been 50/50 for five years so is presumably settled with the shared care arrangement. Moving 100 miles away is highly unlikely to be in dsd s best interests so dad needs to handle this legally.

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 19:32

JustFrustrated · 14/12/2024 16:58

Of course mum has PR.....

Show quote history

Well if you have more and different details than OP has provided then you’ll be in better place than me to comment!

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 19:46

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 19:32

Well if you have more and different details than OP has provided then you’ll be in better place than me to comment!

Show quote history

Sorry @JustFrustrated i see OP has just commented that mom has PR so they both do - doesn’t change my mind in terms of staying where she is seems more stable for child but apologies for not seeing that!

Psychologymam · 14/12/2024 20:17

cansu · 14/12/2024 16:57

Psychologymam
Both parents have PR surely.

Sorry yes OP has confirmed! But given rest of scant information I would still ask the question could she stay based on school, friends and being with dad 50% of time. Just asking if it’s a possibility - I’m not sure why it’s a given she must move!

CinnamonBuns67 · 15/12/2024 21:01

I'd take it to court, have it put in writing that it's 50/50 and that in the event that mum chooses to move a certain distance, your SD remains with Dad and mum has contact however often is reasonably possible.

MeridianB · 16/12/2024 20:20

Why would the mum choose to move 100 miles away for no good reason, and uproot or leave her DD?

I agree with PPs that your DH needs to get in front of this.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 17/12/2024 15:12

Your dh needs a solicitor. Then apply for a prohibited steps order (not sure what they are called now) to prevent her just upping and going.

Then they can begin mediation and figure out next steps. But uprooting a 5 year arrangement is absolutely not in the child's best interest.

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