Stepmums: Tell me your horror stories?

[CreakingCreek]

Tell me your horror stories so we can compare and laugh.

Ten years on and my DH ex wife is still obsessed with him/us. She has a little go to script in which she is a victim and my DH is practically Fred West! She tells it over and over and over again to the point I'm certain she actually believes what she says. Can people actually create a false memory due to reversal🤔

Tbf she does have a diagnosed personality disorder and I suspect undiagnosed narcissism (I don't say that lightly) what with the old narc accusation getting thrown around a lot on MN.

Historically, one of my favourites is accusing me of setting the kids coats on fire with my cigarette 😂

Reality - they'd got a speck of a burn hole from using sparklers with their grandparents on fireworks night

My DHs ex called his work anonymously the same day she didn't get her way in court and claimed to be a concerned neighbour. She said he had been driving his work van under the influence of drugs and with his daughter in the van. On the same day she reported me to environmental health and the planning department for running a bakery from the house.

Spoiler alert: I do not run a bakery and my DH isn't on drugs.

The funniest thing she ever said was in an email to my DH where she claimed they were married because her name was xxxx "DHs surname" on the Pets at home account. She got "married" a couple of months ago to a man who is still currently married to his first with and still going through a divorce. She's changed her name and told the kids she got married when legally she couldn't have. I think someone needs to explain to her what constitutes a wedding/marriage.

@Illpickthatup I'm sorry but I did laugh out loud at that! You have to I suppose but it's not easy at the time.

My DH ex filmed herself screaming and pretending to fall down the stairs to capture evidence of DV in order to have him removed from the house during their breakup. The police turned up saw through her bullshit and left.

Over the years she has called the police making a number of accusations, one against her own son saying he was going to assault her with a slipper!

Oh my god! That's mental!

I'm now in my unbothered stage of stepmotherhood. I read other SMs frustrations with the ex and think "oh I remember the days I used to get so wound up about things like that". Sometimes all you can do is laugh and shrug it off.

My DH’s exW married his cousin and has completely rewritten history and makes out like we are all best friends when in reality she really wasn’t very nice and made things super difficult and awkward. Now she’s at every family event…..

I just smile and go along with it cos I like a peaceful life.

Dp met,married and had two dds with his ex

She ran up debts,was abusive and attacked all 3 of them

She loved to spend money-anyones money,she didn't care (she conned 10k out of my mil,spent the lot and demanded more)

She'd spend dps wages the second he got paid

It came to a head when he found letters demanding debts be paid back for the second time of running them up on total crap

She hit the roof,grabbed a knife and stabbed him

He left,rang ss and they did nothing so he fought through the courts for his dc (we are in touch with both adult kids now)

He met another woman,broke up with her and met me,while still fighting her through the courts for contact as she decided the kids where her possessions and not his dc (to which she refused to take any notice of-so back we'd go,only for the cycle to repeat itself)

That's the back story

Within 2 days of us meeting,we have been treated to screaming abuse via the phone,abusing his parents,emails,phone calls to the police/ambulance service/junk mail for 'man problems'/pizza places,death threats/getting in touch with my nc narc family for the dirt on me and spreading it round like its fact,i dont work full time and claim benefits fraudulently apparently(She is on benefits herself),she had kidney cancer but that was cured with antibiotics and their youngest was so ill,shed been moved to 7 different hopitals (all near me-i lived over 100 miles away)her new boyfriend (cough fake boyfriend cough) was bringing her to my hometown for a holiday (go where you like,i didnt care)-this list is endless

She's spread rumours of him being a paedophile,me of being a sex worker and endless rumours of whatever she did,she's turned them round into I've done it and that he's a deadbeat father who's never paid for his dc (he did pay and we have the statements to prove it)

Oddest one is her screaming that I'm not a trained hairdresser (I am-i have the qualifications to prove it) and that I lied about going to college (er,ok,I'm going to lie and fake my certificates?)

I'm also a sponger that doesn't pay my own way-i work full time and more than pay my way in life

8 years to took to shake her off-it came to a head when darling fil died (we tried the police route and they where less than useless)

She rang and demanded to be given top seat in the funeral car and in the church (instead of darling mil-his wife of 50 years) at his funeral and I snapped

I gave her some home truths-incuding that both in-laws hated her,I'm not her biggest fan and neither is dp,she's a pathetic,lazy,bullshitting bitch who just lays in bed all day,stuffing her face and clinging onto a dead and divorced marriage was just a tiny bit sad and not normal

If she didn't shut her ugly gob,I was going to start my own truthful rumours and I have the texts,emails and phone calls to prove just how pathetic she is-I think I used the term 'I've got alllllllll the receipts you thick cow'

Never heard another thing from her

Satisfying to say the least

@Tracystubbs well your post was a journey and a half!!!

Can I ask you why you stayed? I would honestly have run a million miles away at even a hint of any of the stuff you mentioned.

How many children were involved?

Wow. Your DHs ex makes mine seem perfectly lovely and sane!

He has two with her

I have 6 but they had nothing to do with her (All are now adults)

I knew from the moment we met,I was going to spend my life with him-there was no doubt about that

I've never met her in person-any contact has been with her over the phone-she has been known to run away if she sees us in the street
In a way,it became funny after a while

Just me opening my mouth would set her off,so I admit to having some fun

We used to (still do) laugh at her-she was (and still is) pathetic

I hung around because I love him and knew we'd be together for the rest of our lives (9 years and counting)

I wasn't prepared to allow her to break us up-that was never an option

I will never give her the satisfaction

@Tracystubbs OMG! My DH ex used to send weekly nasty texts and start arguments when we first got together too, she only stopped the weekly onslaught when she finally got a man herself. Up until recently she'd still send the odd one here and there.

The D of my now ex stayed for a week. Shortly after leaving he got call from tv show she wanted to be on but as she was in school and 13 he said no. So she sold story to paper demonising him and making herself victim. Then a few yrs later did same and got 5000 for that one to a magazine. She since got pr company to bury them online.
But when she stayed she used my laptop and forgot to log out. So trail of emails to sell stories exposed her to her dad and text message second time. He keeps forgiving her and now she has grown up, but is still pulling his strings so I ended our relationship. He wants her to visit, says she has changed but personally I don't buy it. In end I couldn't even confide basic stuff in case he told her and it landed in the paper. Never figured out if she was malicious or just reckless with other people. He wasnt the only one, but I think she just wanted to be famous. But I would have run a mile if I had known how awful it was going to be

My DH’s EW seems relatively tame compared to some of the examples above…..

Some examples from me…..

EW telling the kids they were only allowed to call their dad ‘him’ and me ‘her’ - as anything else upset her.

Her new boyfriend of 6 months turned up on our doorstep unannounced with the EW battered our door down, treated to beat my DH up & called him a shit dad. We have no idea what set them off and they had to be removed by 8 police officers before being thrown into the back of a Moria van. Initially 2 police officers turned up in a panda car but couldn’t deal with them so they had to call for back up.

Getting my DSD to break into her dads phone, screenshot our private WhatsApp messages and send them to her mum (DSD was 14 at the time).

Telling the kids that I had an affair with their dad. He had been divorced over 4 years when I met him (and she is very aware of the timeline).

DSD broke her arm. The first her dad heard about it was a day later after she’d posted about it on a WhatsApp group telling the football mums and the message was forwarded onto my DH (DSD’s dad).

I could go on…. The women is so emotionally damaged it’s turned her batshit.

To be fair can we note OP you said the woman has a medical mental health diagnosis?

I do think it is inappropriate to throw around phrases such as mental. It is hard enough for individuals with MH to get support without comments like that.

My DP’s ex wife won’t allow my name either - refers to me as ‘that person’ and still, years down the line, says that I am a ‘stranger’ to her son.

She says im not allowed to know ‘private’ information about DSS such as what school he goes to. He literally goes to school from our house every week and I sometimes take him if DP has an early train to catch.

She won’t allow DSS to call his bedroom in our house ‘my room’ it’s referred to as ‘the room he sleeps in’.

I could go on and on.

It must be exhausting for her to come up with this BS all the time.

All 3 of my children have grown up and moved out and his 24 yo dd who doesn’t speak to me is still living with us. I’m broken, I need some space and someone to understand what it’s like.

Poor woman. It must be exhausting for her being this insecure and petty. Hopefully she gets a grip at some point.

I had two threads on here about my experience. An absolutely crazy time with my ex DP and his kids. The mum was awful to me (so was he at the end to be fair) and I ended up a depressed, mentally unwell mess because of all of their behaviour. Step kids on drugs, police involved because they were constantly getting into trouble with the law, police were knocking on our door every night come the end about something different each time. The mum came around and told me to go and kill my self if I didn’t like it, it was absolutely awful and then she would routinely report me to social services for made up issues, obviously Social services would have to investigate but they closed any cases down after speaking with me. Ex DP never stuck up for me.

glad to say that’s all behind me now and I’ve got a lovely lovely partner now who is my rock and I’m so glad I met him. He has also children (not met them yet) but I feel so much lighter and happier.

oh and my ex ended up getting back with the kid’s mum. They deserve each other.

The ex tried to apply for new passports for the kids as they were ‘lost’. As they were taken out by DH, the passport office called him to ask whether he had them and he verified that he had all three of them safely so they cancelled her application. This was only 2 days before our holiday as well. The thing I found saddest about that was that she was prepared to make her own children miss their holiday just to get back at DH for some unknown reason.

Just for clarity, she’d already given permission for them to go so we had no idea where this came from.

DP ex would not let DSS have any immunisations including Covid, because she believes that the gov are implanting microchips at the same time. DSS falsely told DPex that I had locked him in his room- she believed it. In reality I stood in the doorway blocking DP from throttling DSS when DSS was being a dick. DSS is 18 and lives with us as DPex wanted DSS to drop out of college and be a bum on benefits. DPex sold everything present we ever bought DSS. She’s a looney.

My horror story is about how my DP allowed his exw to stop me being a stepmum and remove him from my home.

They divorced 5 years ago. We got together 3 years ago. I have one kid, DP has two.

Exw first claimed DP should only see his kids EoW and after a very lengthy process (exw refused mediation) a judge said they should move to 50-50.

Upon that ruling the exw decided to relocate 2 counties away, claiming could no longer afford to live in London. The family home had only a small mortgage which DP was paying. He had wanted to sell it to release equity but he offered her the house.

The exw relocated anyway. I honestly don’t know why. Her parents moved to the new area too. DP returned to court for new child arrangements and the judge said he could have kids 2/3 full weekends and half or more of school hols.

So DP then moved in with me. The kids came to us on his contact time, sharing a room which wasn’t ideal but I had failed to sell my home because of mini budget and we made a lot of alterations which DP paid for. DP had equity now and we aimed to buy sth bigger together once the housing market recovered. The kids grew close.

Then…drumroll…six months into this the exw - who had objected to 50-50 for all time - suddenly told DP he could have it if he also relocated. She threatened that if he didn’t do it immediately she would tell the kids he loved me more than he loved them. He showed me the email, so I know it’s true.

So he’s bought a house in the new area.
He’s still paying all the maintenance too. Exw made this a condition of giving him 50/50.
He’s really isolated and lonely there. It’s a countryside area where most mums don’t work and dad’s don’t arrange play dates. DP has tried to make school gate friends and been snubbed every time.

I didn’t see this one coming at all. Exw had refused 50/50 for years and years. But of course when it was granted (who knows how long for, DP has no control) I could not ‘deny’ DP this access to his children. That would make me a bad woman.

So we live in limbo. I don’t travel to the countryside area much as it is a rly long commute to my workplace and my social life and work life are very busy. DP comes to me whenever he can. I don’t encourage him to bring the kids to stay over much anymore as I don’t want them being shunted between 3 homes. We meet up for days out. My kid is pretty much his eldest’s best friend and they text etc a lot.

Total horror show tho. I often wish I’d known what was coming.

I went for the guy who didn’t want to be the EoW Disney Dad. He’s a great dad.

But I am now feeling very stuck in a situation I could only change by ending my relationship. DP is a lovely companion and I care about his kids. Abandoning them entirely would feel very wrong given all they’ve been through.

I feel often very annoyed with DP for succumbing to post separation coercive control but in his position I don’t think I’d be able to do anything else.

So we live in limbo. All I can control is how I feel about it and react to it and I just try to focus on the advantages of being unblended. Enjoying my alone time and social life etc. I’m back to girlfriend and get taken on nice dates. DP’s problems are his problems so when he struggles with the consequences of his choices I sympathise but don’t rescue. I am a major victim in all this and am prioritising my own recovery.

But the title of this thread inspired me to share as it’s good to vent sometimes.

I am so with you on the leaving thing. I might leave too but on my own time for my own reasons. And def not because the exw came for my relationship (see my full post). I would just never allow her the satisfaction. She is, of course, still alone after a few failed relationship attempts and what I’ve realised looking back is that she gets esp vexatious towards DP when one of her relationships ends. Ironically her last one ended when her BF’s ex wife said he couldn’t see the kids anymore if he stayed with her (she told her actual children this, who told me). Karma or what? I won’t live my life hating this woman either tho. Doesn’t deserve an ounce of my energy. Good for you for not letting it control your choices either.

@Tracystubbs in your life movie the ex partner will definitely be played by Julia Davies. 😅

The exW of my now exH waged an absolute war on me from the outset.

Contacted my HR department at work to say I was drinking heavily and taking drugs.

Broke into my ex's email account and found emails from me with group invites in his inbox. Forwarded nudes (not mine I'll add) to everyone in the group (friends, family and colleagues) telling them this is what I'd been sending him, and that they were still married. (they'd been separated two years when we met.)

Went into group chats on things like AOL about wife swapping etc pretending to be me and handing out my exHs email address to be contacted personally. Trying to make him think I was cheating on him.

Would give him agreed dates for visitation , he'd fly over and book accommodation in the nearest town to them, and she wouldn't tell the kids he was coming, and then purposefully bundle them all in the car and disappear to different friends and family for those weekends.

Once brought them over to our country of residence and took them camping in the village next to ours (we'd been featured in a local news story a year later, as residents of cottages on a stately home so she must've been continously searching the internet for years to find information on us) and then got the kids to write a postcard (picture of the town) to my exH and handposted it through the door while we were out. She didn't know our address as we were advised by the Army families officer not to divulge it due to her erratic behaviour.

Put some work photos she'd found of me online onto a website called Mingers.com, calling me a fat heffer. I was a size 14 and 5ft 9. 🙄

The worst was finding put I was pregnant with DC and pasting photos of babies with severe deformities on social media announcing to all their previously mutual friends that my baby had been born with deformities because of all the drugs and drink I imbibed whilst pregnant.

So exhausting.

My DP’s ex is a big spender and seems like a covert narc. Im not trying to diagnose her but the signs you just can’t ignore. Her brother used to date my best friend and he was extremely abusive to her. He hated me ever since I stood up for her with his abusive ass. Thank god she left that loser in 2019 as well. In early Jan. 2019 my partner’s ex left him because she wanted to see other people. The house was under his name and he was the only working parent their whole marriage which is no issue. She made him leave shortly after and he let her have the house then went to go stay with his parents and still paid for the house from Jan 2019 to Oct 2019 and they were sharing the kids. Obviously he did not want to fight about it. She then asked him to move into an apartment in Oct. 2019 because she didn’t want the kids around his family because she never liked them. (Mind you, his family is pretty normal to me, nice people). He did that, and she then expected him to pay for the house and HIS place because she didn’t have a job. He couldn’t bear paying two places! (Mind you, he paid for her schooling to get a degree in 2016-2017 when they were married). She had the opportunity to get a job as soon as they separated and her incompetency is just 🤦🏻‍♀️ to me. When he said he couldn’t because he doesn’t have enough money to pay for both households and wanted to go to a funeral for a weekend when it was his turn to have the kids. (Mind you, he happily took the kids so she can go out with her friends the weekend prior.) She then accused him of being abusive, filed a restraining order on him to take the kids away, and filed child support in Dec. 2019. The restraining order didn't work for the kids but her only. He couldn’t risk seeing his kids because she lived with them. She used an old police report to do so. Police report doesn't state he hit her first. (Mind you we’ve been together for 4-5 years now and we lived together for 4. He’s never hit me and his records clean.) He didn’t know how to fight it at the time and had no money to do so. When he and I met after all of that she sent her bestie to add me on social media to stalk me end of 2020. Like girl, YOU LEFT! 🤦🏻‍♀️ The restraining order lifted two years ago in 2022 and the parental alienation is real. She has racked up 80,000 in credit card and loan debt in just 4 years. She has 8 credit cards, all of them shopping stores. Its sad to see innocent children being traumatized and weaponized! The kids are cordial with me but the kids now feel their dad abandoned them when in reality she tried to strip them away. He was present all their life until she had filed all those thing after the separation! He’s working two jobs just to be able to provide them cars but still be questioned like a stranger when asked for it. When he contacts her about the kids, she refuses to talk about going half half on anything. All I can do is just be emotional support for him and let him know to keep his receipts. I always tell my my best friend and my partner YALL are lucky you guys escaped because some people think they’re untouchable. He was stupid for staying with a spoiled controlling person but damn how do people act like like this? Like grow tf up and heal for the sake of your kids. They’re innocent in all this! I do not get involved EVER and I simply watch her ways unravel on her. Her habits and insecurity are her punishment, I don't have to do anything.