Christmas support cafe

[SaagAloopa]

Hello stepparents! How are you doing? Christmas is a coming! Thought I'd open up a space for us to let our Christmas step stresses out. Please no anti step parent stuff - it's hard enough as it is!

I started this thread because I'm having a stressful time with the whole gift organising. We have my lovely dsc for Christmas day and we have a shared DD. My DH is now stressing that DD is going to have more to open on Christmas day as my family usually give the DSC gift cards and don't spend as much on them. What do we do? Do we keep some gifts back? That seems unfair on DD as DSC are going to get more gifts at their mum's anyway! Perhaps we'll let her open some in the morning before the teen dsds get up.

Not a stepparent but wanted to offer advice as my mum was a step child. Try to encourage your family to make step children feel as included as possible, so yes presents opened from you two before the step kids get there

We had this last year when my DC was a few weeks old. DH’s kids were over for Christmas. Our DC got loads of presents as he was a newborn and my Mum and her millions of friends had gone a little mad buying for him as he was her first grandchild. My SD16 has a tendency to get a bit stroppy when she’s not the centre of attention anyway, so my DH only opened a few of the gifts for our DC so she wouldn’t get jealous. The older two weren’t bothered in the slightest. DH’s kids have a very wealthy maternal side of the family so they will have received a lot of expensive gifts anyway (think cars, designer clothing etc) but SD still had a tantrum about DC getting more, although they were mostly practical items like nappies and bath sponges.

Depending on their ages, they may be old enough to understand that they will actually be receiving more as they get two Christmas’ and two lots of gifts from their parents?

My dsd gets nominal gifts from my family (mine get nothing from his i should add) but she's an adult so gets it. Mostly my dsd is just glad I point her dad in the right direction to buy gifts!

I think the teens will always understand that little ones might seem like they’ve more presents as little kids presents tend to be bigger etc.
My DS (10) gets this, as his little sister (5) wants Barbie’s, large stuffed toys, he prefers video games or Lego. When my DSs was younger (he’s 22 now ) he got that his pair of trainers he wanted, circa £170 wouldn’t look much compared to his then toddler brother

If they're a teenager and they have gift cards instead of presents from your family I think it's fine to be honest. If they were younger then I doubt they'd understand as much but they'll know these are all of their step siblings presents (and not theirs as they'll have some at their mums) and that they haven't been left out. It depends on the children though of course and you know them better than a stranger on the Internet. I know DSD would have been more upset if anyone had opened any presents before she was up as would have felt more excluded than recognising one pile was bigger than the other.

You do nothing. A teen DSC is old enough to understand that they get more when they go back to home and yours doesn’t.

For once we will have a stress free Xmas!

we are away for Xmas with my family and it’s dsd turn with her mum. lovely!
We are meeting up with dsd before we go away for a lunch and to give her presents over.

Shes been rather ungrateful over the last few years and hardly says thank you to my family for any gifts so this year they have dropped the £30-40 they spend on her to a fiver and some chocolates and she’s only got herself to blame.

Although if I’m honest I don’t think dsd will be spending Xmas with us again anytime soon, she prefers it at her mums and she’s nearly 17 now.

Tbh I think it's lovely they are included at all. My mum gets my sc something small but not as much as my own dc. My husbands family do nothing for my kids. Not even a birthday card!!