Mattress swapping

[user50and]

Just looking to see whether AIBU here.

My two DS (15 & 20) live with us full time. DS20 works full time. DS15 obviously still at school. DSS21 is at uni, comes over occasionally for the day to see his Dad, but otherwise is at Mum's. DSS19 has been travelling in Oz for the last year.

DS20's mattress is a bit uncomfortable so I swapped it for the mattress in DSS room which is more comfy, and DSS has slept here once in the last year.

DP has gone mental and accused me of 'pilfering' from DSS room. How he wants his room to be kept as it is and that DSS may take that mattress to his own home one day.

I've said I'll put it back and buy DS20 his own, but it means splashing out on a new one leaving DSS's sitting in his room unused for 99% of the year.

Did you discuss it before you moved the mattress? If not it may have felt like your children were more important than his.

I did, but it was a few months ago I suppose....

What did he say when you discussed it? Blended families are difficult and perfectly good things often go unused as to not make people feel less important than others.

He huffed about it a bit. Those were my thoughts though.

The mattress has been slept on ONCE in the last year by DSS, but now we might have to fork out on a new one as DP has kicked off about it...

Who bought the mattress? If DSS did then you're being unreasonable. I bought a Tempur mattress when I lived at my mums which I did take with me when I moved out but it's because of how expensive it is! If DSS didn't buy the mattress then I don't think your being unreasonable

If your son is working he should buy his own mattress if he wants a different one . Doing what you have really smacks of treating your partners children as less important .

DSS didn't buy it, no. It was DP's from his previous house (we moved in together 3 years ago)

So you spoke about it months ago and he huffed about it so you knew he wasn’t happy. Then went ahead with it in any case. You are the unreasonable one here.

Ds is 20 working full time? The other is travelling? They can both leave your house and buy their own mattresses.

You knew he wasn't happy about, it wasn't yours to take, and you did it anyway.

You don’t just take someone else’s mattress if they still consider it theirs and so does the person who bought it. Put it back, apologise and get your son his own.

He's being ridiculous, as are most of the responses.

To be honest, DSS would be fine with it I'm sure. He probably wouldn't even notice...

You don't get it do you - you took his stuff that he had given to his child. You mentioned it and got a negative response and still went and swapped it.

Pretty well told him - you do not give a damn for his opinion and your DCs irrespective of anything take priority. YOur last comment sums it up - DSS may not notice but there is a principle here from you of disrespect for your DPs boundaries, family and things.

He's keeping the room as some sort of shrine. But tbh I would buy another mattress (out of household funds) if it's that important to him. Nicer for DS20 not to have the DSS's old one who knows what he got up to on it

What a spiteful comment

@tatakeittakeit wow 😂, family, boundaries and things?

It's a mattress that he's slept on once this year, not his future life choices..

And he's not a 'child'. He's a 21 year old adult.

It is a principle -you asked , he got upset and you did what you wanted regardless

I wouldn’t have gone ahead and done it, based on how the conversation went when you initially broached it.

Did you ask DP or DSS? This is what it comes down to. Ask DSS, if he is fine that it’s fine. If he’s not then buy a topper for DS. DP isn’t anything to do with this unless he is sleeping on it is he?

I hate someone else sleeping in my bed on my mattress even with a mattress protector. It's my personal, private space. I would want a new mattress if someone else was sleeping on mine.