Super bright stepkids

[Fostandlound]

Hello
This is a bit unusual but my stepkids are really really bright and their dad wants them to go to grammar school but has an issue with the mum.
She basically will not entertain the idea of them going to a 'posh' school. She wasn't happy at school herself (no GCSEs yes I'm being bitchy) and, I think, is intimidated by the whole atmosphere of a centuries' old institution and wants them to go to the local comp instead.
The thing is though they would thrive in that setting and it's gutting that they won't even get a choice. If they had a look round the school and decided they didn't want to go there that's different but she won't entertain the idea.
My husband thinks she would stop all contact if he mentioned wanting them to go.
I don't understand a mother who wouldn't prioritise their kids education.
i know they could thrive in any setting but I have family members who went to private school and some who didnt and the provate school ones are flying high in their careers.
Has anyone dealt with anything similar?

I’d stay out of it. Firstly, grammar isn’t private. I went to grammar and it was years of hell. My DB went to the local sink secondary modern and he’s got a PhD now. I gave my DCs the choice. Eldest went to grammar (also hated every minute). The younger two didn’t sit the 11+ (their choice) and went to secondary. They’ve both got excellent jobs.

Surely if your DH has the kids 50% of the time (I'm assuming he doesn't have less than that because you clearly think he's the better parent, so he must be doing the minimum of an equal share in parenting) then he takes the kids to the open days on his time with them, he uses his parental rights to get the kids to take 11+ exams/entrance exams and then, depending on the results, the DC decide where they want to go.

If she "stops all contact" you go back to court and get it reinstated.

He'll probably need to do tutoring/practice papers with them as well, as many of the grammar school entrance exams use Y6 questions, but at the start of the Y6 yr, when they probably haven't been taught to that level yet.

If your DH wants his kids to go to grammar school, then let him handle the necessary education, exams and entrance paperwork etc. Their mum can do the relevant work for the local comp.

I'm not sure why this is an issue 🤷‍♀️

Unless he's leaving his ex to do the bulk of the parenting, education and homework etc and only sees his kids EOW or similar but expects her to do the heavy lifting of open days and exam prep etc for a school she's not bothered about them going to; is that the case?

My little brother is very smart when it comes to general knowledge so his strong points are history and geography (can literally name every US president and the British monarchy in order). My step mum didn't want him going to a grammar or private school as she felt there could be pressures that could make him essentially rebel. I think it's more the smart off competition that these types of schools could bring. They opted for a state school and are happy with their choice. However, every child's different. I'd suggest as others have said taking them to open days so they can get a feel of what's best for them.

Grammar school isn't private. If they are that bright they'll thrive anywhere. If she cuts contact go back to court.

Op, in the nicest possible way this is not your concern or your thing to deal with. The patents need to sort this out between them. It's really not your place to comment on the mother not prioritising their education - she knows the children better than you do perhaps she's prioritising their happiness.

Who has the kids more? Who does the school stuff shopping and parents evenings? If your dh is doing more or equal to the mum then he should force a discussion on it. And then he should listen to her side not just argue. But if it's mum doing all those things then she should be allowed to make those decisions as she's the one who has to make it work, bag for homework, get the school supplies etc etc