lack of advent calendar isn't my issue!

[utterlybuttered]

Sick to death of the wife work expectations from DH.

The latest is him stressing that HE hasn't got DSC an advent calendar and this has apparently turned into the whole "how awful you didn't get DSC one, you'd get one if it were X (our child)"

Our child does have one, my mum bought her one. But yes if she didn't I'd have made sure she did. Because I'm a bloody parent.

I'm sick of him failing in HIS responsibilities and then acting like they are my failings, presumably because I'm a woman so those are my sort of things to sort?!

I bought my step kids them when they lived with us, wouldn't have dreamt of getting them if they lived at home with their mum?

How often does the child stay over - if it's 50/50 then I would have.

If your mum had not bought your DC a calendar would you have or is it not a thing you do generally?

OP has stated that sometimes she picks them up and sometimes DH does. Sounds like a 'whoever went to the supermarket at the right moment' task. Thus it is equally on each of them to 'remind' the other.

Anyway, OP hasn't posted for a couple of days, so we may never know.

Poor DH!

I’m assuming he’s bedridden in a full body cast, seeing as he can’t go to the shops or order one online.

Probably had a head injury as well, as he didn’t think of an advent calendar until the evening of November 30th.

Given how terribly injured he must be, maybe his children’s mother could pick on up on his behalf.

Or he’s a useless entitled lump who can get off his whiny backside.

Excellent @JingleB

Mainly because I think they are just another way to commercialise Christmas (don’t even start me on Elf on the shelf). But then I was born in the 1970’s & they didn’t become a thing until the mid 1990’s.

I remember advent calendars being a thing when I was at primary school in the 1970s. I still love them now!!!

>>. And I’m waiting for someone to suggest the stepchild receives two advent calendars (or at least an incredibly expensive one) to compensate her for having separated parents!

This was basically my childhood. I was a stepchild with two families who didn’t communicate, and often ended up with duplicate presents. Then I had to try and use each present equally, so neither giver would get offended by me preferring one over the other. All the while, with everyone else talking about what a spoiled POS I was, and resenting me, because I got two of things (which I never asked for). As a middle-aged adult, looking back, I realized that I never asked for anything from either family once I didn’t have to. It’s too much like walking through a minefield and pasting a target on my head.

It’s good when adults communicate. And kind of a bummer that a season like advent can be turned into adults squabbling over who gets calendars, or who has more calendars. In this case, I think dad should just pop out to the shops and get one. Since dad wasn’t aware that the grandmother had bought one advent calendar for one child, it would’ve been nice if OP had told him so he could’ve sorted one for the other child quickly. But that’s neither here nor there. The situation developed, and hopefully dad is on his way out to get one.

Because buying a big box of wrapped chocolates or sweets is slightly easier than choosing advent calendars for multiple kids.
You don’t fill it in advance. That’s half the point. You put in the right number of chocolates for whoever is in the house on that day - you could even get the kids to take turns filling it. Person who fills it is last to pick a chocolate. Then it becomes a nice little household tradition and there’s no nonsense about doubling up calendars at mums and dad’s or who’s kids are better or worse off.

OK. IMO it is more work than picking up a couple of dairy milk calendars sometime in Nov, or whatever, but YMMV, and clearly does.

I was born in 1973 and i had advent calandars as a child. They were covered in glitter and had pictures behind each door.

I was born in 1981 and had an advent calendar (pictures only, no chocolate) ever year from being a toddler!

"How awful you didn't get any of your children a calendar "

Seriously???

@Thursdaygirl sorry that was meant as op's response to her dh. Just reread it and realised it reads like I'm judging her!

No problem!!

DH is being a dick.

So has he bothered to buy calendars now?

I wouldn’t be happy about that barbed comment from him. What an arse he’s being.

No… not one of them…. Just their father 🙄

He's just another useless twatty father who can't take responsibility for parenting his child and blames his poor wife when he falls short - as he always does.

Pleased about the common sense reply's on here. A few but you have a uterus wouldn't it have been easier for you to do it (even with ops update that her mum bought one for her child)

Blended family or nuclear- women aren't obligated to pick up a man's share of the mental load. If people are happy to do that on their husbands behalf that's their choice but I think my vagina would seal up and die in a cloud of dust if I was expected to do all the "mental load" just because I'm female.

Alas I said what I said.

Did it comes up in conveesation that your Mom had bought an advent calendar?

I set out expectations early on that he is responsible for these things for the DSD as I can't second guess what sort of childhood he wants for them all the time. If he asks me to pick something up fine. But I'm not carrying the mental load.

The problem is not so much the lack of Advent calendar... easily sorted by telling him to go get one.
It's the attitude and belief it's the OPs job to sort all these things out.
Definitely clearly tell him, you are not responsible for HIS child...

It's bit of cardboard tat, not life-preserving medical equipment!

I actually think stepmothers in this situation should either
a) leave the asshole husband or
b) leave the asshole husband

Did he tell her then, that he wasnt buying one?

Why are you holding OP to a higher standard than the actual father?