Not really sure where to start.
I have known my stepdaughters for 5 years now.
The eldest moved in with us for a few months this year, it wasn't easy for any of us but we learnt to adapt and make it work and blend as best we could, we had arguments along the way as our parenting and rules are rather different on situations and I perhaps wouldn't have given into her so much with things as I have witnessed first hand how that turned my sister when we were younger and in same scenario.
My partner one day told her to go to bed and she punched him in the face, this time he did go to discipline her. She then decided to move back to her mums. Since being back her school behaviour has been just as bad as when she was with us, we have been called in to take her hospital as she superglued her hands together and she's now on a 5 day suspension out of school and then a 5 day in school suspension in another school.
My eldest turns 10 the weekend and we booked to take him away for a weekend to do his favourite things, to see the history museums and the dungeons as he lives history. We invited both his children. The youngest said no she didn't want to go. The eldest said she did so we booked and I've paid for her place to come. Originally she was living with us when we planned this so we were going to let her have monday of school as my son has a non pupil day. We are going Saturday- Monday.
Anyways her mum is saying she isn't allowed to go because of her suspension and schoo behaviour (she got suspended for vandalising school and hitting the teacher.). Her mum has asked my partner to back her up. As much as his believe is she isn't suspended on a Saturday so she should come he has put a united front on with the mum which I believe is what is needed as before there was a battle between them.
So tonight he has asked if they are coming over tomorrow still like normal (they come every Friday and Saturday.) to see him, he was going to take them out for dinner. Anyways the eldest step daughter is lashing out saying 'no point in us coming if you're going away somewhere AGAIN'. 'Me and. Xxx won't be coming to see you until next week maybe'. That's your choice on not wanting to see your own kids not my problem you choose who you do and don't want to see.'
This was in a group chat with my son, who had no clue we were going away but now does, so I am really angry and he is really upset saying we shouldn't go now and he feels guilty. It's not his fault she has been suspended of that the other daughter didn't want to come. My partner has told him he won't let him down as it's his birthday. And we did reiterate to the SDs that they were both invited, and that he was going to spend an evening tomorrow just him and them and I would go out with my kids.
I understand it's hard, last weekend we went away for my birthday, we had concert tickets booked. So he didn't see them but offered to see them durn the week.
My opinion is it's only a handful of times we haven't had them on the weekend but we are adults and sometimes when my kids go to their dads it's nice for us to have some couple time because we have his kids every weekend even when mine aren't here.
I originally have booked to take him away for his birthday but have said I will cancel it as they are kicking off about my birthday and my sons, but he said no we can still go just no more in future again. We have had an argument about it. Am I being unreasonable that if my kids go to Their dads for a weekend that sometimes it's nice we don't have his to do something just us.
He is really angry and upset tonight and I don't really know what to say or do, I have told him he doesn't have to come this weekend but he's saying he will so I have given him the option.
He isn't a monster, he never comes abroad with us because his kids aren't allowed to go as mum won't let us have passports. So it's not like he doesn't miss out on things for the sake of his kids.