DSDs’ mobile phone use

[Confusedrightnow123]

DSDs are allowed to play games on mobile phones whenever they want with DM. She is RP so it’s most of the time.
It is my DP’s weekend. Yesterday we had plans to go out in the afternoon together but DP called and said they didn’t want to go out, they were playing games. So I did my things, met up with friends and only went over for dinner with them.
We all went out for brunch today. Both of them had no phones with them. Youngest one takes her DF’s phone when he went to the toilet, the older one takes his car key and goes out to the car to get her phone.
Little one has barely eaten anything all weekend, she ate one pancake at brunch.
DP tried to get his phone back and the little one started hitting him and screaming (she’s 6.5).
I don’t think he’s being tough enough with them and lets them get away with too much (guilt from not being around, maybe).
I had a chat with the younger one before about her hitting people when she is angry and that she has to communicate - especially as I was on the receiving end of it, but this seems to have been forgotten.
I also have to accept that they’ve had a half sibling come into their lives 2 months ago and the little one isn’t the baby any more so maybe there are things going on there.
They said they wanted to bake with me this weekend but then they had to interest. The only way to get them away from the phones seems to be the swimming pool.
We don’t live together, yet, but I wish he would be a bit tougher sometimes and I feel I can’t interfere too much.

Any advice? Or do I just let them get on with it, it’s not my business?

I would not be moving in with him until he starts parenting his kids right, he's a classic Disney daddy, you haven't said If the new baby comes from you, if so I would be having strong words of how you want the baby raised.

If your partner won’t parent properly then your only choice is to keep baby and stepchildren apart so that your child doesn’t end up addicted to phones too.

Yanbu to be concerned but Disney dads aren’t going to change their behaviour because it’s easier to go with the flow and be permissive.

They never change in fear of the kids stopping coming to stay cause of rules.

My sc recently had a mobile phone for their 6th birthday with a SIM card and WhatsApp the lot. My 9 year old doesn't yet have a phone and probably won't until they are at least in secondary school. The rule is that sc cannot bring phone to our house until they reach the age my own dd is allowed a phone. So that's going to be at least 5 years until sc is allowed to bring their phone here!
It sounds like your dp is a Disney dad as others have said. My own dh is often the same as speaking from lived experience it's incredibly hard when you're living together. I often have to take myself away to another room or I take my kids out on my own.
It's not easy at all.

My DSDs are addicted to their phones too (11 and 13) they've had them since 7. It's just made me even more sure that my DC (4 and 5) won't be getting one until secondary school, they don't have an ipad and just happily play when their sisters are here. I've mentioned it before, but my DH and their mum don't enforce any rules, and I've given up trying. I'm too exhausted/busy with my children to fight against two adults who don't care! I've seen first hand what phones can do, though and I pray it's more regulated by the time mine grow up as it's really sad how it takes away childhood.

This is such a powerful clip:

https://www.tiktok.com/@sirokocom/video/7415304526091095328?lang=en

Personally I think the kids are too young for phones.

What I’ve learnt as a SM is that you can’t care more than the parents. My SC mum lets the kids eat at the dinner table with their phones, take them up to bed. Their dad (my husband) got them the phones at 11 so he could contact them.

Let your OH deal with this. If he doesn’t nip this Benton the bud - on his head be it. It’s so sad seeing a generation of ‘phone zombies’ people unable to communicate in social situations as they are glued / addicted to a screen.

Not my baby and it’s the mum that started allowing the mobile phones non stop. Her BF games a lot so if they aren’t on phones they are playing Nintendo Switch.
During the week they often don’t want to talk to their dad on the phone because they are too busy with games.
The little one stole my DP’s mobile from his swimming bag yesterday evening when we got out of the pool.
I think it’s unfair to call him a Disney dad, on everything else he is great, especially the bad language they have learnt from their mum. It’s not nice hearing an 6 year old say fuck.
They are back again in 2 weeks, I will try to make a plan with my DP to structure the weekend with them. They were complaining last night that they hadn’t seen my dog over the weekend and I said it was their fault as they stayed on their phones all weekend, that they could have come out for walks with me or made dog biscuits with me as planned.

You don't state how old the oldest is but imo 6.5 is way too young to have constant access to a phone and her reaction to having it taken away indicates she's seriously addicted.

If it was my child, I'd be taking the phones on arrival, and maybe allowing them back for a short video call with their Mum if that's something they like to do, and putting a stronger password on my own phone. However, they're not your children. You can voice your opinion but DH has ultimate say, even if you can see him making bad decisions. You can also say that you choose not to be around if he is going to allow them to be so rude and antisocial.

Their dad needs to have zero tolerance on the phone issue. No 6yo needs a phone. How old is the other DD?

Children are perfectly used to different rules in different places. So no phones at Dad's. And he needs to lock his screen so they can't take his. He should say no to the swearing, too. Bet they don't swear in school without consequences.

If he thinks it's not worth the trouble then imagine what these two will be like in two years, let alone 10.

Oldest is 9. She has a phone so she can contact Dad. The phone of the 6 year old has no SIM card and only works with WiFi. So normally she doesn’t have it if we go any where. I feel she is seriously addicted to it.

I am going to suggest that we write out a plan of things to do the next weekend they are here but also put some screen time into the plan. Not over pack it but they also have to know that DD works all week and has to do things at the weekend for the household too.

I try to leave them alone on Saturday mornings so they can do things together. But I might have to come in and kick some butts. They used to love drawing and making things. They have a clock on the wall at DD‘s house and normally make pictures for 12, 3, 6 and 9 for the seasons or whatever is coming up. So we could take my dog for a walk in the woods and then collect things for the canvases.

When it was DP‘s birthday I handed them a pencil case of fabric pens and two white T-shirts and said make a birthday present for dad and they really enjoyed doing it.

DP is exhausted with his physical job. He’s renovating a house more or less alone at the moment.

I also think they aren’t happy with their DM, they have expressed this. The older one has a bad cough that sounds like it is becoming bronchitis. DM said she would take her to the doctor and hasn’t done so but has kept her off school and then went out to the shops with the older one and left her behind in the shop.

It just feels like a big mess at the moment and I feel helpless, I understand for their mum it is even harder work with 3 children now. But she won’t do 50/50 because she loses out financially and it would also be hard because she lives quite far and school times with full time work for both of us would be difficult.

Don’t even consider moving in with him if you don’t like how he’s raising his children. It will cause too much tension in the house.

Screens are an addiction and it is as easy for people to go without their phones as it is for a smoker to go without a cigarette. There needs to be a phased approach to reducing screen time (a detox) otherwise you will get a huge emotional response including anger and tears.

These children are being massively failed by adults around them

To allow primary age children to be addicted to devices of any kind in this way is just awful

Your dh is being pathetic. The devices...gaming etc go away and when he is in charge the kids can have a chance to recover from their addiction

A 6 year old bring able to have unrestricted gaming and say no to other things ? It's just a total.abdication of parenting

Disney! Doesn’t know how to interact with a child. See this constantly in schools.

Digital babysitter probably from before kids could talk or sit up. Kids on phones at alll waking moments can be spotted a mile off in childcare settings. They aren’t top of the class. They are socially backward, delayed with language and emotional intelligence because phones are not people and hyperactive and over stimulated and fighting and whining all the time. They cannot eat a meal at a table or gain the fine motor skills to draw or write to the expected level at school. They will not cope with homework cos homework isn’t a super stimulating shouty video or hyper arousing game. Boredom will terrify them and the prospect of them getting bored and screaming about it will terrify the parents into never ever tackling the screen addiction. There will be the odd phase of agreeing limits but kids will get personal phones at the end of primary school and then they’ll be glued to them all day every day again. They’ll send porn to their classmates in year 8 if not before.

In middle class areas usually one or both parents will decide kids have adhd and get a private diagnosis and drug them. If they can’t convince a doctor to do that they will have them on Prozac before age 13. They will hire consultants to harass teachers to fill in paperwork for an ehcp. They will look for any possible cause for their child underachieving that isn’t the probable cause. It is all very very sad.