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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Step Daughter is trouble

38 replies

AquaRaven · 08/11/2024 05:53

Looking for a bit of advice… I have a D who is 10. My partner of 3 years also has a 10 yo D. She’s been staying with us at my house for over a year and in that time I’ve noticed she tells lies and tries to get my D in trouble. I’ve called out her behaviour before and Partner just gets angry with me. Anyway he got called by the school this week as it turns out she’s been telling her friends he’s been abusing her with very specific stories about how he’s done it. It’s absolutely untrue and eventually she confessed to the teacher she made it all up. He is in denial and making excuses for her like the teacher coerced her to confess and is blaming her school friends for telling rumours… in any event my job requires me to be squeaky clean and I’m really worried she’s going to do something again. I can’t risk that and compromising anything to do with my D. He suggested she and he stay at his mums for a few months, when he has her, because of her lying and because you never know.. she could do it again. He’s forgiven her as he should as her Dad, but I don’t trust her and I want to protect myself and D. He’s now said he wants to bring her to my house this weekend and I said I needed to think about that. He now won’t talk to me at all. I don’t know what to do here. I’m so conflicted. Ultimately his D needs some kind of counselling and I don’t blame her as she’s going through a lot at home, but I can’t risk my life and child because of her lies. Help :(

OP posts:

Jessie1259 · 10/11/2024 16:01

why would you allow that to happen in your child's home? The father sounds useless. They both need to go to his mothers, permanently. I bet your dd will be so relieved.

Autizzy · 10/11/2024 16:03

How are you absolutely sure he isn't abusing her?
What kind of abuse?
Kids with stable, happy lives don't just do this stuff out of no where.
And many kids who disclose abuse try to backpedal and day they lied about it.

All I'm hearing here is there's a little girl, just 10, screaming out for help.

Thw question is why??

teenmaw · 10/11/2024 16:03

This man is in no position to be dating

Zanonie · 10/11/2024 16:07

You can't be sure she is lying, that's a really serious and extreme thing to make up. I'm surprised it's just been dropped by the school, lots of children backtrack after disclosing abuse claims.

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 10/11/2024 16:12

How was she able to know enough about abuse to go into great detail? Something doesn't add up here. I hope this is being investigated further.

Your daughter needs protecting now, so put her first.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/11/2024 16:33

He has said he is able to go to his Mum's house with his DD. That is a priority whilst this is sorted out.
Protect your DD and yourself and do not allow them back in your house.

thanksicloud · 10/11/2024 17:08

op won’t be back

rstare786 · 10/11/2024 17:10

This happened to me. His daughter said she'd been raped 4 times by a friend of her dad at his house. However, there was no evidence and no friend had gone there at the same time as her. It was dropped as no evidence and she said nobody had done anything to her. She later said a friend had said it. Police were involved but it was dropped. I said to ex I couldn't see her because of my job and my children. We're no longer together because he didn't get this but to this day I don't understand how 2 parents can sweep it under the carpet. As a mum, I'd want to know if something had happened and it was someone else. Something is seriously wrong for a child to say this.

LostittoBostik · 10/11/2024 17:12

Walk away. Ether she's lying or she's not. Either way, you need to protect your daughter.

Important to consider that she may be telling the truth.

sprigatito · 10/11/2024 17:13

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/11/2024 11:17

I would keep myself and daughter away from her and only see partner on child free days.

However, it's not normal to make up abuse. It's common for children to test how a disclosure will go by accusing a safe adult like a trusted parent or teacher. It's very possible someone else has abused her or she's been exposed to porn. Your DP and sd school meet to take that seriously

This is what I was going to say (put better than I would have put it!)

This is a desperately troubled child who needs stability and intensive support. Her father needs to be concentrating on that rather than forcing her into a blended family situation which isn't working for her. I would make the decision for him and tell him you are separating.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 20/11/2024 23:16

There is rarely smoke without fire in these situations. How certain are you she is lying?! You need to protect your dd

Frankly I think you need to walk away. Whatever is going in with this child, she needs help and support. She needs her parent(s) to focus on getting her help

Copperoliverbear · 21/11/2024 00:12

I would break up with him, I would not want my daughter dragged into this shit show and I certainly would not want to lose my job over her either.
My daughter would be my priority and I would not want social services knocking on my door due to his strange child.
I would tell him it's over and please don't come near my home or us again.

StormingNorman · 21/11/2024 20:27

You both need to focus on your children separately. The blending experiment isn’t working.

I know a child who said she’s been abused. She hadn’t but she’d been witnessing it and wanted the abuser out of her home. She thought he (her dad) would go to prison and they’d be safe.

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