Collect & Pay - Am I being stupid?

[Seasidedad]

After many years of getting no maintenance for my step son, I have found an e-mail to my wife from the CMS that says we had received some money from my sons birth farther. I wasn't aware of this and when I challenged her she said this was just a 'calculation made by CMS' and she hadn't actually received anything. Is this even possible? Why would she be sent an email identifying the total figure* *received, including the 4% fees, if this hadn't actually been sent out to her? Has anyone else seen this or been in a similar situation?

Sounds like your wife thinks you’re stupid and didn’t want to tell you about the money.

Why do you need to know? Maintenance for your step child wouldn’t go to you anyway.

After many years of getting no maintenance for my step son,
You don't get maintenance for step children. However your wife might get it for her child and she can use it for her child's benefit whether that's clothing or preferred food or petrol.

Do you share finances proportionally?

Presumably because as a married couple, if no maintenance, he & the family pot have been paying for things for this child.

I've been picking up my share of the cost of my son, and another man's as well. Along with other contributions, I have secured my steps sons financial future. This is purely a matter of principle.

I have paid the vast majority of all our expenses.

Okay.

Does your wife work, and what does she do with her wages? I'm trying to figure out the family finances in general.

We both work but I pay most into the joint account as I earn the most. I certainly don need the money from her ex and would have always preferred to save this for my son.

I have had a deductions of earning set up now for 7 years. The child's father moves. Changes jobs, phone number or just ignores the CMS. Current arrears stand at just under £30k. But I keep it open. Because occasional they catch up with him and I get a month or twos money. Then he moves on.

What a weird question.

The vast majority of people would want to know if their spouse had a secret source of income.

The only think I can think is if it meant CMS has received the money and they're about to pay it out.

Ignore the snarky comment, OP.

Not sure why your wife would deny receiving funds. Can you ask her when they will make the payment they have estimated?

Why has DS’s deadbeat dad never paid?

We both work but I pay most into the joint account as I earn the most.
I obviously wasn't clear enough. How much spending money does your wife have left each month? It doesn't matter if you pay the most if you earn 50K and she earns 1k with £50 left over each month iyswim.

If you both have £2k free spend each month then she is bu and you need a serious chat about hidden money (assuming you don't have hidden savings).
If she has £50 free spend and you have £2k free then she is nbu and you need a serious chat about fairness, equality and not falling into financial abuse territory.

I earn six figures and my wife is very close behind. Respectfully l, this is about a principle.

Personally I would be very upset if my husband got any significant some of money and didn't tell me about it. I wouldn't expect to have any ownership over that money but not to be told about it would be deeply hurtful.
I would ask her again and say that you just need to know if the money has arrived.

I get these periodically. It’s always triggered by something, I ignore them because he always manages to never pay a penny. I’ve not had anything in all my sons 13 years.

Just because the calculation has been done doesn’t mean she has received the money. I get calculations every year, no payments though.

No, you are not stupid.
Your wife has taken you for a fool. This is only the first time you have caught her but there could be more instances of her lying and deceiving.
How traumatic would be for you to dump her?