I wondered if anyone else struggled with having their SC with them FT.
My SS13 lives with us FT. He's a nice enough kid- polite, helps out with his sibling. His mum only lives an hour away but she's never seen him regularly. Also never paid CMS despite a high flying career. Some years she's seen him just 4 or 5 times the entire year, more recently it's a little more frequently (once every one to three months), and also for a longer/overnight stays which was rare before. These are always last minute arrangements and often me and my husband won't know about them until the night before or even sometimes on the day. It makes homelife chaotic at times. She's also in constant contact with him via his mobile phone. Daily messages and calls. And I suspect my SS tells her everything that happens in our home.
Additionally, all three of his parent figures (his mum, dad and myself), have hugely different parenting styles. His mum is very laid back about most things, and leads a very different life to us. Me and my husband are strict but about different things.
The result is a child who is not only very suspicious and distrustful of everyone around him, but prone to being down and withdrawn, struggles to focus at all, lacks confidence and a concrete sense of self, and can be very very difficult to be around. He interferes with every single aspect my and my child's lives. I feel I have no space in my home and my life that is mine alone. He has to know where I'm going and when and why every time. He eavesdrops our conversations, snoops on my phone, lies, has dramatic crying episodes if he doesn't get his way (e.g being asked to study or stop playing video games), he'll do anything to stay up late and stop me and my husband from talking/spending time together including claiming to be hungry or ill, sitting or walking in between us, he's even moved my photograph from my husband's office. I've given up having any sort of normal relationship with my husband (who is incredibly supportive of me and a good father).
SS spent the night at a friend and for the first time in a while, I've spent a Saturday just with my husband and child. We had such a relaxed and easy day. I wasn't on edge. I didn't have to mind what I wore (SS has a habit of noticing every single little change in my appearance and can be very critical), what I said, I could be affectionate to my husband, cook whatever since SS is a very picky eater, not have to answer incessant personal questions, and not worry about keeping his entertained every waking minute.
I must add that I care for SS in every sense of the word, and the majority of his parenting falls on me. I limit his electronic usage, check his homework, ensure he eats well, I take him out to experiences with my child. He opens up to me moreso then his father even. I am invested in his well being and his future and want the very best for him. I suppose I just didn't realise how difficult I've been finding having him here FT until today, or how on perpetually on edge I am until he's spent a weekend away.
Sorry for rambling and thanks if you've got this far.