How would you address this, if at all?

[letyouberight]

Context is that I have 2 DS and my partner has 3 DC from our previous relationships.
We get on really well with eachother's kids and our kids all get along as well. We don't live together but spend a lot of time at each other's houses and go on holidays together.

Partner's daughter told him casually that her mum has said something mean about me (won't say what incase it's outing) and DP has told me. I am really angry, not because of the actual thing that has been said (although it's factually incorrect so also annoying that she is saying things that are untrue) but because of the snide bitchy way it has been said to DSD who is young.
DSD and I have a lovely relationship and I think that the mum is jealous of that which is why she is being like this.
Previously I have gotten along alright with the ex and to be honest just felt like this kind of thing wouldn't be an issue.

Would you bother saying anything to her that a) it's not helpful to badmouth to the kids and b) what she is said is not true so she has no right to say things like that? She has form for this kind of thing and has said nasty things about her husband's ex to her DC as well.
Don't want to get DSD in trouble or for her to feel like she can't talk to DP. In future I'm going to ask DP not to tell me what's been said because it makes me less relaxed with his kids. But is there any point in speaking to ex/DSD's mum?

Oooh no way. There’s no way it’ll go well and she won’t see she’s done anything wrong. There’s a good chance she’ll do more of it if she knows it gets to you.

Best decision to ask him not to pass it on, as you’ve said.

Oh no. I'd do as above poster said. Depending on age of the child I might say something at some point, not referring to this specific incident but highlighting that sometimes people make up things, spread rumours about others etc because they want other people to think badly of them because maybe they feel bad about themselves or are jealous etc. it would be best if this could be said referring to a TV show or something happening in child's friendship group or something. After that I'd just leave it as I'd feel id addressed all future similar incidents.

There’s no point. Plus you don’t want mum targetting and badmouthing sd for not keeping quiet.

Yes this is what I am worried about happening and I truly think she would as she is already not very nice to her at times.

Thanks all.

I’ve just had a very similar thing, DD’s (14) half brother (7) told her “my mum said your mums very rude”. DD’s step mum has also had a lot to say about me to DD.

If anything I found it quite funny and also tragic that someone feels the need to slag me off to their child. Where are your friends??

I understand your irritation OP but rise above it, you’ve got to laugh at people like that

How old is DSD?

Mostly, tell your DH to stop passing this crap on to you. He should be explaining to his DSD that lies/rumours/mean comments are not nice and she should not repeat them.

If you have gotten along previously say nothing and pretend it never happened. You are naive to think she doesn't slag you off behind your back and I don't believe for a second that you have never done the same to her.

No. Fellow stepmum here. If anything I’d just casually reply “well that’s not very nice, is it!” when the SD told you/your husband and carry on with whatever you were doing.

No, she might have said it in the hope it would make its way to you (possibly with that bonus of her getting to moan at her child for letting it out)and annoy you like this. Don't give her the satisfaction! You know it's not true and you have a good relationship with your SD - focus on that.