WWYD?

[lespameo]

SD (10) playing on the PS earlier with my DS (9). SD loses the game and she's enraged. Smashes down the controller in anger and breaks my DSs tablet (see pic). SD bursts into tears angrily as she knows she's made a big mistake and knows she's in trouble as it's an expensive mistake.
My DP doesn't think she should be punished as 'it was an accident' and 'she knows she's done wrong'. I think she needs a punishment for reacting and lashing out in that way.
DS is without a tablet now until the new one arrives (I've just had to fork out £150 for a new one).
I think the punishment should be no PS for a week and no tablet until the new one arrives for DS (as it's not fair her having fun and him not).
WWYD?

I don't think punishment is very productive in these situations, but I would probably say that she has to share her tablet 50/50 until his new one arrives. Your DH needs to be talking to her about strategies to manage her anger and walk away from conflicts before she loses her temper. Punishment won't help with that either.

I agree with you 100% she needs a consequence and your idea is a fair one

I think your punishment idea is fair.

A conversation about how to manage anger, and no tablet until her brother's new one arrives.

my kid did this with my iPhone when they were playing a game. I didn’t punish her and she never did it again. I think you could probably chalk this up to a crime of passion

My DS can get agro at his gaming laptop when he loses. He has had years of therapy (ASD) but still gets that eruption, simply because games are designed to be all consuming.

I think your idea is fine. There needs to be a consequence & support to manage emotions, @or it will happen again. We have a policy that if DS can't manage his emotions while playing he has to step away. If he damages anything we won't replace it. If he damages someone else's stuff he pays. It's incredible how fast he employs his techniques to calm down!

I would kick both of them out. Seriously. Why put your ds through being around someone who behaves like this and then gets away with some wishy washy excuse for a punishment.
He should buy your ds a new one at the very least as it's his badly behaved child who did this.

This is a good consequence and good advice. She broke someone else's tablet so she needs to share hers 50/50, same time to use. What she needs isn't punishment, but support to develop better emotional regulation, be taught to recognise her emotions and when to step away. This needs to happen when she's calm, not in the moment. Boundaries around tech would probably be good to, like if she's getting angry she needs to come off till she feels calm again. Children need to be taught to understand and manage their emotions, not be punished because they don't have those skills yet.

If she gets pocket money she’d be paying for it. Life has consequences. If you smash someone’s car up because you’re angry, police aren’t going to say well it was a mistake. Isn’t the job as a parent to prepare for being an adult and to be a decent one? Thought so. Yes punishment is in order. The one you suggested is fine.

I'd be saying no PS for longer than a week! She absolutely needs a consequence

I can’t believe the posts that say she shouldn’t be punished. She will become a horrible adult if she never has to face consequences. If she gets pocket money then she needs to pay for the new tablet, and confiscate her tablet until the new one arrives at least.

I would say she needs to share her tablet with your DS until he gets a new one. At this age also, if she has her own money, I would want her to contribute to the £150 cost, don't know, maybe £20? In my view your DP should cover the cost of the repair anyway. You shouldn't be out of pocket because of DSD's poor behaviour, especially, when her parent doesn't see anything wrong with what she has done

I’d think big picture here. What is the outcome you as a family hope for? That she learns to handle her temper better. The best way to do this will depend on the child - generally consequences are useful here but might not be the only way if she is struggling with pre puberty stuff. I would suggest don’t get too lost in what is ‘fair’

Do they live with you? If so you should be able to set the punishment. I would make her give her tablet to ds unil his new one arrives and maybe no playstation for a bit until she learns to control herself.

I wouldn’t be spending my own money on a new tablet atall, I would give DS her tablet for good. Why should you have to pay for her angry outburst. She’s broke the tablet so now she doesn’t have a tablet no more, no shouting or anything but fair is fair.

@Chillilounger yes live here full time, sees their mum once a fortnight.

Thanks all for the input. DP has taken the £20 out of her money box to go towards. I put the new tablet cost on the credit card and DP will be paying not me.

She needs banned from ds's room and off his stuff full stop...